Columbia Makes Large-Scale Additions To Campus Surveillance

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Just moments ago, a tipster divulged that Public Safety has taken covert and highly controversial new surveillance measures. Implanted on the heavily-trafficked inner doors to what our tipster reveals is called “Brogan” (Broadway/Hogan), this new security system monitors all potentially dangerously displays of bro-ing out.  These include, but are not limited to, smuggling 30-racks of Natty-light and Costco-sized containers of Creatine into dorm rooms, wearing any combination of sweatpant-sweatshirt to a class or meal, fist pumping, dougie-ing, and speaking loudly about being the “most jacked dude” in Mel’s/Cannon’s the night prior to aforementioned assertion.

Stare into the unblinking abyss, bros.  There’s nowhere left to hide.

Big BROther is watching you.

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  1. Anonymous  

    mwahahaahahah pro callout tag!

  2. Anonymous

    this doesn't make any sense, i don't get this post.

  3. bro  

    this freaks me the fuck out. I need a cookie now. shit.

  4. Anonymous  

    this is stupid

  5. Anonymous  

    i dont know how many people go into columbia as bros
    but if there were no bros, man would surely create them,
    enter every member of a fraternity


    I totally get it now! The eyes, dude, on the door thingy. I like how the handle accentuates the penis. very clever.

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