Jan

Just moments ago, a tipster divulged that Public Safety has taken covert and highly controversial new surveillance measures. Implanted on the heavily-trafficked inner doors to what our tipster reveals is called “Brogan” (Broadway/Hogan), this new security system monitors all potentially dangerously displays of bro-ing out.  These include, but are not limited to, smuggling 30-racks of Natty-light and Costco-sized containers of Creatine into dorm rooms, wearing any combination of sweatpant-sweatshirt to a class or meal, fist pumping, dougie-ing, and speaking loudly about being the “most jacked dude” in Mel’s/Cannon’s the night prior to aforementioned assertion.

Stare into the unblinking abyss, bros.  There’s nowhere left to hide.

Tags: "I can't believe you're a bro! I'm so much better than you!", big brother, Brogan, bros, does Columbia even have bros?, exploiting puns, faces without noses, googlying, panopticon, public safety, the Brona Lisa, the war on fun