Senior Wisdom: Thomas Timberlake

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Name, Hometown, School, Major: Thomas Timberlake, Berkeley, CA/New York, NY, COLLEGE, Sustainable Development

Claim to Fame: Member of the Columbia University Rugby Football Club for the past 3 years, president in 2011. I also get recognized all the time for fitted hat and camo vest swag.

Where are you going? Back home to 109th Street, chill with the roommates (aka my parents). Eventually I’m going to get a job, but I may delay that by moving to Tahoe to shred fresh snow and keep it extra buttery before global warming ruins that opportunity.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

  1. Don’t spread yourself thin with the activities. I think that a lot of my peers maintain the whole I-need-to-get-into-college-so-i-should-play-3-sports-do-modelUN-and-sing-songs-and-act-in-plays-and-be-in-cultural-groups-and-learn-the-greek-alphabet attitude that got them here. It may work for some people. However, in my own experience, fully committing to just a few activities you can be really passionate about is a much better strategy for college than joining every organization that gives you a free Starburst on activity day.
  2. You’re not going to understand everyone you go to school with; not everyone is going to understand you. The personalities, senses of humor, styles, and beliefs on the campus are too diverse. Don’t sweat it.
  3. You guys know the scene in the Macklemore x Ryan Lewis “Wings” music video ( where the kid is walking home from middle school and the high-schoolers steal his Air Jordan IVs and he has to walk home in socks, but he has a fresh pair of Vs on ice under his bed and so he puts them out? We all have our consumerist vices; sometimes they can be heartbreaking. Every once in a while, rap videos can contain life lessons.

“Back in my day…” 

  • Today’s Electronic Dance Music student DJs were still listening to Nickelback x Nelly mashups. Seriously though, one thing I didn’t learn at Columbia is why people like that kind of music so much.
  • Campbro existed; Mel’s was a sushi place.
  • The Dodge weight room had the old set-up and old plates.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I once convinced a 12-year-old kid on a chairlift in New Jersey to quit smoking while he filmed the entire conversation with his GoPro helmet cam. Take that, lung cancer.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Honestly, I take objection to the whole “War on Fun” thing. It’s a classic example of scapegoating. You’re going to face challenges in life that make that one time the RA came by and told you to turn down the bass on the new Avicii remix of a DeadMau7 remix of a Swedish House 36 Mafia remake of a Mozart symphony look like a walk in the park. I’ll throw a story out there though. Remember how when you were a kid playing with the new toys that Santa brought you and your parents told you not to light the Christmas tree on fire, because your Lego fire truck was not actually capable of putting out fires? Well, there’s a reason for that. Christmas trees…in April are quite flammable. I wasn’t the one wielding the matches, but I did witness this firsthand. Ultimately, a concrete patio is a pretty controlled spot for something to burn.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? This question is a dead horse by now though. Can’t you guys go back to the middle school bus back from a field trip list of Would-You-Rather scenarios and pick something new?

Advice for the class of 2016: 

  • For mental and physical health: exercise (releases endorphins), hydrate (something like 95% of all headaches are a result of dehydration), and sleep (8-9 hours a night, the whole #friendsacademicssleeppickonetogiveup thing is a scam to justify unhealthy behavior). There’s science behind this, but knowing the general disdain for Frontiers of Science, I’ll spare you all. In all seriousness, it’s a lot easier to change your own lifestyle to achieve happiness than spend your time trying to get others or the university to change.
  • Play rugby. The friends you make and the feeling that you’re part of something bigger than yourself are well worth the weekly black eyes.
  • If you’re bout the intellectual life, take the time to write a senior thesis. It’s a real good feeling to leave college with a nice 50-page chunk of academic work you can be proud of.
  • Chipotle bro-tip: You can usually get away with free double meat and guacamole if you ask for extra lettuce and tomatoes, and are charming and polite to the lady at the cash register. The color of the lettuce camouflages the avocados.
  • Westside dinner/lunch plates are a huge step-up from the meal plan.

Any regrets? Sure, but why dwell on them at this point? The constructive ones are worked into the above advice section. Lyke dis if u crie evertim. I’ll miss yall.

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  1. Macklemore  

    jockin and dubstep hatin?

    Hella filthy

  2. brue  

    Lyke dis if u crie evertim


  3. Costanza.jpg  

    >creying on bwog netiem evr

    ~*~*ishy diggy*~*~

  4. Anonymous  

    Wait, is this Justin's cousin?

  5. Things I learned from this...

    Intentionally lie and steal from chipotle, white bros from the uws can learn 'life lessons' from rap videos, and don't sweat trying to learn about diversity - just join rugby instead!

    Seriously bwog, why are you letting clowns like this write senior wisdoms?

    • Hey, Sunshine

      Have you actually met this dude, or are you just reading his Senior Wisdom in the most negative manner possible?

      Also, the rap artist is a "white bro" who comes from at least enough economic privelage to have been able to afford Nike Airs, so. Though I suspect the artist would probably like to imagine people of all different backgrounds could get a message from his music.

    • Brotein  

      This kid is clearly brotein deficient as he is not savvy to the costs of living on a high brotein diet. You need to get your double-chick any way that you can.

      ***Lyke dis if u crie evertim***

  6. Anonymous

    "to turn down the bass on the new Avicii remix of a DeadMau7 remix of a Swedish House 36 Mafia remake of a Mozart symphony look like a walk in the park."

    Dude is funny and good looking dayummmm

  7. Anonymous  

    How was there no mention of 209 in this entire article? Seriously though, Columbia should either hire him to be the official librarian/guardian of 209 next year or retire the room in his honor.

  8. Anonymous  

    whaaat is that picture? hahaha amazing.

  9. Anonymous  

    I like it. Also well put

    "Today’s Electronic Dance Music student DJs were still listening to Nickelback x Nelly mashups. Seriously though, one thing I didn’t learn at Columbia is why people like that kind of music so much."

  10. Hey BWOG,

    Where are all the senior wisdoms from affirmative action negroes?

  11. how

    is he not wearing a hat in that pic????

  12. Anonymous  

    all of the puppies, he must be doing something right

  13. he is kind....  

    rude...arrogant...typical ivy league...white privilege stereotype....doesn't seem to be that wise to me sorry....
    maybe if he didn't act like he was too good to speak to people i'd say something nicer....yeah....

    • Anonymous

      Referring to Timbo as "typical Ivy League" reveals that a. you've never meaningfully interacted with him and b. you are blind to what really is "typical Ivy League." The thing that makes Timbo so great, even if it's obnoxious at times, is that he isn't scared to totally break the mold, do his own thing, listen to his own ridiculous music, and talk in his own ridiculous voice. Meanwhile, the rest of campus is basically made up of legions of students obsessed with sounding as academically pretentious as possible, getting offended by everything and dismissing anyone in a fitted hat as a dumb poseur. Timbo is smarter than most of us and doesn't need to wear it on his sleeve. He's the only person about whom I could truthfully say "there's no one else like him on campus." That's cool.

  14. Anonymous  

    sounds legit =)

  15. hmmm  

    He looks so much more brown on Parks and Rec.

  16. Why try?  

    Sustainable development.

  17. Anonymous  

    LOVE Macklemore.

  18. dont know you  

    so ill give you the benefit of the doubt.

  19. question

    is his dad alan timberlake (linguistics professor)? someone told me this once but i never got confirmation.

  20. Um  

    Fussy about nutrition and health, a slightly over-earnest do-gooder? Where has this man been all my life?

  21. Tom Haverford  

    Tommy Timberlake!

  22. The 99%  

    "Eventually I’m going to get a job, but I may delay that by moving to Tahoe to shred fresh snow and keep it extra buttery before global warming ruins that opportunity."

    Must be nice. Economic downturn? What economic downturn? Keep shreddin' dipshit.

    • The real 99%

      Way to miss the whole point of the article, moron. Are you seriously offended by that sentence? Take a second (or, in your case, several minutes) to re-read it and then hazard a guess as to whether or not it was written in jest. Even if, upon further reflection, you decide that "keeping it extra buttery before global warming ruins [the opportunity to snowboard]" was written with the utmost seriousness, it might be worthwhile for you to get off your high horse before you hurt yourself. Your implication that the 99% are a bunch of self-righteous pricks with no sense of humor offends me.

      If this is some rugby inside joke where teammates log on and post retarded comments on the wall, I apologize.

  23. Yeah

    I knew it was a controlled spot all along, that's why I encouraged EP to do it. I don't know why AEPi had to freak the fuck out and call the fire department.

  24. H

    Thomas, I've had a crush on you since I first saw you my freshman year. Do me in the Stacks. (201) 953-1806

  25. ew  

    really? TTimbs? thats the best we're nominating for senior wisdom!?

  26. ...  

    i did the ski bum thing for a few years. it's really fun. and honestly, is probably one of the least bourgey things you can ever do. most people in ski towns are living hand to mouth on very meager pay but spending their time skiing, snowboarding, hiking, telemarking, cc skiing, climbing, hiking, fishing, camping, mountain biking and running where everyone shares the common bond of having rejected society at large in exchange for maximizing opportunity to have as much healthy fun as they can. there are not many places in the world where you can decide in the bar on a friday afternoon that you're going to go do a hike in tuolumne the next day that flatlanders spend months planning.

    but that said, he does have a point. last year was close to a record drought season, the winter that never happened in new york didn't happen in california either. many ski resorts had sizable layoffs of year-round full-time employees (imagine an episode of wkrp where half the cast gets laid off, yes, that sad) and put their seasonals on welfarish plans where they got zero hours of work per week, but free housing and one free meal per day to try and keep them around should the drought turn around.

    but i dunno, at the end of the day, this guy is kind of a tool because he'd rather go to tahoe than mammoth.

  27. Anonymous

    check your swag at the door dude. I think it's gone to your head. TGYS. Thank God You're a Senior.

    • ^^^^SO TRUE  

      lol this was really so true.....clearly he isnt as wise as bwog thought he was...he is the only senior wisdom person with this many negative comments...the people speak the need to cover up....he may be cute, wise, and intelligent to some...but there's still that other group of people who see him as rude, arrogant, a tool, people just need a reality check...guess bwog gave thomas' his...

  28. Huh  

    Not sure what to make of this guy, but I would suck his cock in a heartbeat.

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