HIDE

Given the influx of anonymous tips in Bwog’s inbox requesting relationship advice, we figure either we’ve become Columbia’s Seventeen mag or we’re being trolled.  Regardless, we’re answering ’em so send ’em in to tips@bwog.com or use the anonymous tip form.

Dear Bwog,

I know this really isn’t the venue for this sort of solicitation, but I am (still) desperate. I’m not a naive freshman, and over the years I have cultivated a very hazy idea of Bwog as sort of a mysterious TMZ situation where everyone sits around shouting out wild ideas and gossip (I don’t even know if that is what TMZ looks like. Still, I imagine it is). While I understand the craziness of first classes and “actual” news, I could still use some help and a situation where everyone sits around yelling out suggestions would probably work right now.

I thought I had lucked out with this boy going home for the holidays (thank you Jewish holidays for saving me from awkward encounters!), but I was sitting outside today, minding my own business and enjoying the last of the summer sun when he walked right past me. Cue my attempt to flee the scene as quickly as possible (though he had his back turned to me the entire time).

I’m hoping this takes care of that pesky “first meeting” thing, but I can’t decide if it truly does. I don’t know if he saw me, so I can’t determine whether this sets the precedent as “ignore him as he ignored you” or “say hello and make the necessary pleasantries about summer before adjourning to the farthest corner of the room.”

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.

Dear Strugglebus,

Before we delve into the heart of your issue (pun intended), we would like to start by saying that it definitely takes some balls (or lady-balls) to outsource the struggles of your love life to Bwog. So props for that. Also, to clear up your “hazy idea of Bwog,” let’s just say that the only mysterious thing about us is our unexplainable and amazing ability to track the movements of Columbia’s squirrels. Oh, and our weird obsession with string cheese.

Anyway, onto your actual problem. While we don’t have a ton of background info on your situation, it sounds like you’re less than thrilled at the prospect at having to talk to this person. We here at Bwog understand that sentiment perfectly (ugh, being social). However, we also think that you can never go wrong with a friendly “hello!” Yes, this challenges our mole-person social skills, too. But hear us out: nobody’s ever been pissed-off because somebody said hello to them. Unfortunately, hiding and running does not count as a “first meeting.”  So next time you pass him by, play it cool, smile, wave, and say “hey.” It makes you look like the bigger person and, that way, you win. If you want to ignore this guy for the rest of your life, now you can do it without looking like a total asshole. If you want to have more awkward encounters, the world can be your awkward-oyster. It works both ways!

Alternatively, you could always just wear a mask so he won’t be able recognize you.

XOXOXO

Bwog (a.k.a. Obi-Wan Kenobi)

Bwog’s heart and soul via Shutterstock