Ask Bwog: One Day More (Of Finals)

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Just tip!

Just tip!

We know it’s a little late in the game to answer questions about how to survive finals week, but Bwog still loves dispensing advice. Ask Bwog is back to help you figure out how to deal with burnout, bad grades, and caffeination.

What should I do if I have a headache because of too much caffeine, but I don’t want to drink water because I don’t want to have to pee during my final?
First of all, dehydration is a real problem. Do you want me to detail the physiological process that happen when you stop drinking water? Cause I’ve been studying for Mowshowitz’s bio for the last few days and I know this shit. The concentration of salt (osmolarity) of your blood will increase because of the combination of less water coming into your body and more water being excreted as stress sweat. And then you excrete less urine to keep more water in the blood. Not necessarily a bad thing, but remember that your brain needs blood too, and that could make brain function go down. You have three hours to take an exam: that is definitely going to give you enough time to take the occasional urination break. Drink water to keep caffeine headaches away.

Why can I only drink two 5-hr energies a day. What happens if I drink 3?
Here I will redirect you to the MSDS for Caffeine. I’ll also spare you the pain of actually having to read through it and just tell you that the LD50 or acute oral toxicity of pure caffeine is 127 mg/kg. Those tiny energy shots contain around 200 mg each. So unless you weigh less than 5 kg (unlikely), 3 probably won’t have any adverse effects besides making you too shaky to function. However there are other chemicals in 5 hour energy so I would stick to the 2 bottle limit: you really don’t want to start having heart palpitations in the middle of a final. You could always, you know, take a nap or something.

What should I do if I fail my final. What do I tell my friends in the class instead of the truth?
If your friends pressure you to tell them your grade then they suck because it’s really none of their business. If they want to tell you what they got, that’s up to them. You can either flat-out tell them to gtfo and stfu or take a more subtle approach:

  • Talk about another class, maybe one you know THEY did badly in.
  • If they refuse to stop talking about the shared class, discuss the final without talking about actual grades. Maybe bring up topics you thought should have been covered, questions you thought were easy or difficult, or talk about the one question you got right and show them that exam page only. They’ll never know you didn’t do as well on the rest of the exam!
  • Complain about the professor.
  • Rave about how amazing the professor was and how much you’ll miss them.
  • Ask them if they want to get JJs.

I still have two more finals on Thursday but I’m DONE mentally. How can I force myself to keep going?
You really can’t force yourself to do anything. Burnout is a real thing: you’ve been working hard all semester and probably have already gotten through the majority of your final projects and exams. So take a break. Go on a run, sit outside and do absolutely nothing, or call your mom. And that way when you get back to studying you will be somewhat refreshed, and even more panicked by deadlines. Whatever you do, don’t think about where you’ll be next week.

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  1. Senior Wisdom  

    In response to the final question, the correct answer it adderrall. Lots and lots of adderrall. Just don't get caught buying or selling it, because that doesn't normally work out well for Columbia students.

  2. CC15  

    Wait these are so real.

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