Feb

14

Ask Tats: Romantic Rendezvous Edition

Written by

Ooh, hand contact... hawt

Ooh, hand contact… hawt

Just in time for the sultriest of holidays, Tats got you covered for all your V Day needs!! Our resident queen of relationships, commitment, and your standard date night, this week Tats brings you three fab flirty date nights for you and your hot nugget!

Dear Tats,

I just started seeing someone new, and I’m not sure exactly where we are. I want to show her how romantic and inspired I am, but I don’t want to come off as contrived or, even worse, more into it than her. What are some fun, flirty date ideas that scream “relatable, friendly, everyday college student?”

Are We A Thing?

 

Dear Are We A Thing?,

Fortunately, you’ve come to the master. I love commitment and epitomize ~chill~ so have I got some killer dates for you! Here are three super fun, failsafe, guaranteed sexytimez date ideas for The Best V Day Ever!

  1. Go caroling. Sure, maybe it’s not the season, and yeah, maybe “Carol of the Bells” will fall on flat ears (or whatever the expression is), but when has music ever failed to bring joy to the world around us? As TSwift wails so eloquently, “Dust off your highest hopes.” A good ole jam sesh seems calm, low-key, and definitely not emotionally invested. After all, who has ever not wanted to hear “Ding Dong Merrily On High” belted at them in the Starbucks line?
  1. Bring out the Ouija board. What’s that? Ouija’s for Halloween and Pretty Little Liars, you say? No, good sir! Ouija’s for all occasions. Might I remind you what precisely the purpose of Ouija is? To clarify the future! Also, to communicate with the dead, but that could be a fun date activity too! Anyway, what better way to figure out what’s going on with you and your sweet thang than with the spirits of the undead?
  1. Analyze the present political atmosphere and discuss at length how Marxism would improve the geosociopolitical positions of all your neighbors back in Bumbleshit, Minnesota. Alternately parse the theories of anarcho-primitivism until you find something to divide you. You were probably going to break up anyway – might as well hasten the demise with political strife. On the bright side, how will you know if it’s meant to be if Marx doesn’t smile upon it? It’s really the only option, isn’t it?

And remember, if all else fails, you can always just fall back on that age-old tradition: frolic in the snow meadows, ritual sacrifice by the midnight moon, brew dandelion and essence of fetal pig potions, and back in bed by 2! Have fun!

XOXO, Tats

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1 Comment

  1. JJ

    I don't know what this is.

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