This news has officially been broken.

We have just received news that there have been significant changes made to the Columbia College Student Council board. Benjamin K. Makansi, Columbia College Student Body President claims that not only has Oluwaseun Omotunde celebrated his official resignation with “an absolute banger,” but also that Dean Valentini, more affectionately known as “Deantini,” will now be serving as Director of Security. Given Deantini’s history of disorientation, Bwog is hesitant to endorse this decision.

Check out Makansi’s official email below:

“Dear fellow members of the Columbia community:

I write to share with you important changes to the personnel of Columbia College Student Council.

This announcement comes following Oluwaseun “Seun” Omotunde’s resignation as CCSC Directory of Security earlier this semester. Near the end of the summer vacation, Seun informed me that in September he would be vacating his post to assume the position of Intern at Google in Mountain View, California. I officially accepted his resignation on September 12 with an absolute banger in my East Campus townhouse in recognition of his contributions. On behalf of Columbia College, I want to thank Seun for his professional handling of all council-related security arrangements to ensure the safety of our leaders, including the much-needed addition of reconnaissance and black SUV convoys.

I wish to sincerely acknowledge the conscientious and methodical search process for his replacement by a committee that did not include any of you — it was just me and Viv. With Seun’s departure, I am very pleased to announce my promotion of James J. Valentini to Director of Security for Columbia College Student Council, effective immediately. James will assume his new role after over two decades of invaluable experience as Professor of Chemistry and four years as Dean of Columbia College and Vice President for Undergraduate Education. I am confident that James’ background in cooling nitrogen monoxide molecules to subkelvin temperatures via nonadiabatic argon collisions provides something or another of value in his new role.

Columbia College Student Council stands in a position of marginal relevance and effectiveness because of an assemblage of slightly above average talent. I am thrilled to have James with us, to see him grow both personally and professionally as he helps improve upon this tradition.

Sincerely,

Benjamin K. Makansi, CC’16
Columbia College Student Body President”

Very original breaking news art via Shutterstock