Ready to take on the administration. (Or the anime of questionable quality.)

If you read the Lion, you’ve probably read something Sean Augustine-Obi wrote. The same goes for Spec’s op-ed page, an Orgo Night script, or … almost anything controversial at Columbia. But what you haven’t read yet is his Senior Wisdom.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Sean Augustine-Obi, CC, Econ, Bronx, NY

Claim to fame: I ran a blog called the Lion, where I antagonized administrators, commissioned a male escort to ruin my SEO, and published something useful every so often. I co-wrote petitions about sandwich ambassadors and co-wrote jokes for marching bands and co-wrote slogans on hats that Republicans liked.

Where are you going? Back home to start an anime review blog. Oh, and turn 21.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2020?

1) If you want to change anything that requires administrative approval, you’ll need at least one of the following: support from student government, a widely read op-ed, an email from a New York Times reporter (lesser publications need not apply), and majority support among the 25% of students who bother to fill out surveys. It helps to have all four.

2) There’s no one correct way to navigate Columbia as a [insert marginalized identity here]. Imposter syndrome sucks! It’s okay to wish there were more black professors in your department. It’s okay to get frustrated at tokenism. It’s also okay to wonder why it’s unconscionable to be part of Orgo Night as a minority—and to get annoyed when strangers ask why you aren’t doing more advocacy journalism—and to think the guy yelling “Which side are YOU on?” doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Being on the “right side of history” is overrated.

3) There’s no one cohesive community or dominant culture on campus. (The only thing I’ve ever gotten a majority of students to agree on was that sandwiches were too expensive.) The community of clubs I joined reflected what I was into and wanted out of Columbia at different times. Clubs here are surprisingly resilient to bad decisions—Spec’s been at it for 140 years, VShow for over 122, and Bacchanal for 19—and they’re usually the best way to learn the ins and outs of the bureaucracy. Thanks to the clubs I joined, I met a ton of interesting people that I wouldn’t have otherwise. Also, if you’re running a club and feel like you’re in over your head, don’t be afraid to ask alumni for guidance…but trust current members to be the judge of what they want their organization to be like culturally. They’re the ones who have to live with the decisions you make.

Bonus round: Chef Mike is a treasure. Don’t waste more than 5 minutes talking to someone who opens by asking for your major and where you’ve interned, unless they’re offering you a job. Leave counting clicks to the journalists paying off student loans, but don’t use that as an excuse to force someone to write about global centers if they want to write about sex. Most internet arguments aren’t worth reading. If you can’t find PrezBo, wait outside his free speech class in the fall—you’re out of luck in the spring. The War on Fun is other students. When it comes to administrators, never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence or rent-seeking. When it comes to students, never attribute to laziness that which can be adequately explained by depression. Call your parents once in awhile.

“Back in my day…” Everyone thought leggings weren’t pants! Public safety ID swiping jobs paid $10, but you could use your laptop, so that’s a wash. People were more creative with their insults in the comments (“three-story Pinkberry” was an instant classic). Things are better now, unless you enjoyed paying for laundry. If you liked 2012 Columbia more than 2016 Columbia, the alums that comprised 2012 Columbia are usually still around to help you make sense of this brave new world. If you like 2016 Columbia, congratulations! If you didn’t like either Columbia, find like-minded underclassmen and resolve to make 2017 Columbia better.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer. Eh, why not?

What was your favorite class at Columbia? MoWLaP with David Yerkes. Outside the Core, you can’t go wrong with seminars in the Heyman Center, especially when William De Bary or Douglas Chalmers are teaching them. The class I learned the most in was Econometrics.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’ve never heard of vegan penis.

One thing to do before graduating: I came up with 116 of these, but you only need 1: do something irresponsible and fun. You’d be surprised at what the people who got arrested for occupying Low in 1968 ended up doing with their lives. Or even the people who got arrested in 2010! But try not to get arrested!

Any regrets? Not being a more supportive friend. Never finishing King’s Quest. I wish I’d read more and snarked less, though it’s not too late to start. Thinking that older meant good-er. Being too critical of student leaders and Speccies who actually put in a lot of work. Never meeting/doxxing The Cloaked Mask(s).

 Looking into the future (a.k.a. his 21st birthday) via Sean Augustine-Obi