May

11

Senior Wisdom: Anna Hotter

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Anna HotterFire Safety maven and green card seeker Anna Hotter is all about posing outside of Philosophy, living out 30 Rock, and not going to class. Let her astound you with her infinite wisdom re: lessons learned and regrets.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Anna Hotter, CC, Economics-Political Science and Philosophy, Graz, Austria

Claim to fame: I co-founded Columbia’s first video-based sketch comedy group, and helped make our new Fire Safety video.

Where are you going? Nowhere! I’m staying in the city and fulfilling my Liz Lemon dream/nightmare of working in television. Until I get deported.*

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2020?

1) Treat people according to iceberg principle. Unless you are dealing with a close friend, you probably only get to see about 10% of what is going on in a person’s life. Try to be generous with your grumpy floormates, rushed TAs, and taciturn Morton Williams cashiers. You never know what their day was like.

2) Explore New York as much as possible in your first year. You will become lazy and poor. Go to Smorgasburg before the Sophomore slump hits (and the L train stops running).

3) Call your family more than once a week. I will forever be jealous of my American friends who can talk to their parents as if time zones and roaming fees don’t exist. So call your mom and tell her about that razzleberry pop tart you had for breakfast, the insane cost of privatised medical care, or whatever it is you people talk about.

“Back in my day…” Campus news were far more absurd and exciting. We had fake students and romantically inspired public urination. Also, you didn’t need an iClicker for Fro Sci.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer.
1) I am graduating without having attended a single Fro Sci lecture.
2) In 2014, a photo of me was published in NYMag. My life has been in steady decline ever since.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? That would be a tie between Lit Hum (shoutout to Professor Workman!) and CC (shoutout to Professor Pazzaglini!). I love talking about dead white men. Also, I am indebted to the Barnard Dance department for keeping me sane for 3+ years.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Vegan, single, ready to mingle ;)

One thing to do before graduating: Cultivate a hobby that serves no purpose but to bring you happiness. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that if an activity doesn’t a) help you academically, b) further your career, or c) improve your social life it is a waste of time. I strongly encourage you to reject this mindset.

Any regrets? Oh my god, so many! A lot of them can probably be attributed to Caring Too Much About The Opinions Of Relative Strangers™. Be brave and learn from my mistakes.

* If you are an American citizen and interested in entering into a Green Card marriage with Anna, please send your resume, a brief cover letter, and your salary requirements to personals@bwog.com. Serious inquiries only.

Vegan seeking suitable marriage partner via Anna Hotter

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5 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    forever and always obsessed with you

  2. Elena  

    Pazzaglini forever! It was great being in CC with you--best of luck becoming Liz Lemon & beyond.

  3. Anonymous

    Eat that booty like groceries.

  4. American boy

    Anna let's get married

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