Daily Archive: December 10, 2016

Dec

10

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D1. Columbia. Ivy League. Football Player.

D1. Columbia. Ivy League. Football Player.

Swiping through Tinder on another night of procrastination, you see him again and again. The Football Player.

He really wants you to know that he plays football. Specifically for Columbia. Which belongs to the Ivy League. Which technically counts as D1. His bio might read something like “D1 quarterback for Columbia University #ivy” or “D1 athlete playing football for Columbia University” or “Ivy League D1 linebacker for Columbia University.” It’s some combination of Columbia, D1, football, his position, Ivy League, and maybe even his graduation year. He has at least one picture of him in action on the field, if not three. His helmet covers his face entirely, so you can’t make superficial judgments about his looks – inconvenient! Bad to use as Tinder pictures! Anyone should know this! But, seriously, the Football Player really wants you to know he plays football. So he has to have a picture of him playing football in uniform (Pantone 292! Columbia Lions! Not-so-subtle hint that he goes to Columbia! D1 athlete! Ivy League!) on Tinder. In fact, most of his pictures probably show him in uniform, with or without a face-covering helmet. If this Football Player is the Religious Type, he might also have a Bible verse in his bio and something along the lines of – “#blessed.” He also definitely has his height, maybe even his weight and body fat percentage. Maybe a picture at the gym or of him shirtless. Get it? He just really wants you to know that he is a D1 Columbia Ivy League Football Player, which should automatically make him hot in your books, Right?

Dec

10

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Image Description: I'm very sorry, I can't try to describe this.

believe it or not, this is an accurate representation of Latenite

Like Bwoggers before me, I was not truly prepared for the madness of Latenite. The comedy group for new and original student theatre put on their semesterly Anthology show, a collection of seven sketches written, directed, and acted by Columbia students. The pieces ranged from vulgar to absurd, in case their photo on Facebook didn’t give that away. If you looked at the photo in this article and thought that this show might be for you, then it definitely is.

The following was printed in the program: “Trigger Warnings: Graphic depiction of violence: Urban Mass Jesus Class. Depictions of Incest: Honey I Am Now At The Home. Body Horror: Waffle Cone Wednesday.”

The first sketch, “Spider Man,” set the show off on the wrong foot. It came with a brief production note: “Instead of sleeping I like to lay in the bed and wonder if I am good or bad. :(” The text contained more original dialogue than the sketch, which, like a cheap skit, drew out one joke for minutes on end. The audience seemed to enjoy it until I realized that about 30% of the people in the room were members of Latenite, who waited behind the risers instead of in another room. As such, the comedians had a primed audience to work with, which can admittedly make it easier for the viewers to laugh and enjoy the show. However, the overwhelming presence of Latenite performers in the room felt like a shady tactic to make the skits seem funnier than they were.

But after “Spider Man,” the show really picked up. The next act, “Sad Boys Club,” followed Werner Herzog as he created a nature documentary on “the ignominous Sad Boi,” a unique species “within the fuckboi phylum.” While drawing on the previously defined trope of the sadboi, “Sad Boys Club” brought an original angle by using the nature documentary form to hyperanalyze the social behavior of the two main characters. The role of Werner Herzog gave Amelia Arnold plenty of room to wow the audience. The next show, “Fist Me Bro,” was shorter. It put us into the fraternity (G)Gamma (A)Alpha (Y)Upsilon, where a trio of frat boys exhibit more than just undertones of homoeroticism. The shortest sketch, it knew not to stretch out its joke, and it successfully kept the audience guessing as to whether or not it would commit to its punchline.

But when does it get crazier?

Dec

10

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I have all been there

We have all been there…

If you’re struggling with how to interact with other human beings – specifically, on public transportation – Bwog has some advice for you. Some of it might be good advice, other parts could be absolute crap. It’s up to you to find out!

Dear Bwog,

I have a regular babysitting job (shoutout Barnard Babysitting Agency) at Columbus Circle, so every Thursday evening I take the 1 train to 59th. Every so often, and lately very often, I run into someone I know on the train. These encounters are usually with people I vaguely know – a friend of a friend, a classmate from a huge lecture class I rarely ask for the homework from, or maybe an NSOP friend I haven’t spoken to since NSOP. They are almost always people with whom I have NOTHING in common… which means our conversations are rather limited.

If we get into the same subway car, and we’re only together for one stop, it’s fine. Totally fine. We make small talk, complain – or rave – about whatever class we share, and probably discuss the current weather. But if we have to ride the train together for more than one or two stops, we run into a problem, because beyond that, there’s not much to say. It soon becomes awkward, especially if the subway is crowded so we end up squished against each other and are forced to interact longer. I can’t make conversation for that long!

It’s eight stops between 116th and 59th. Up to twenty minutes of torture. What can I do to survive the ride?

Sincerely,
Clumsy Conversation

Dear Clumsy Conversation,

In the words of A$AP Rocky, “I know one thing: Anything is better than that 1 Train.” For CU students, that may be because whenever we ride the 1, we always end up running into each other. Our school is so damn small, and nothing reminds us more of that fact than bumping into an acquaintance on the subway. And when all you’re trying to do is get to your destination unscathed, the thought of having to force out a conversation with a sort-of-stranger is less appealing than all of your finals put together.

Despite the fact that this problem can feel like a desperate situation, you do have some options:

  1. Supplies! Bring headphones. Bring a book. Even bring your homework if that’s what works for you. This is really the greatest resource at your disposal. If you’re empty-handed, it can be awkward to convince the other person that you’re too busy to talk. On the other hand, if you’re holding Infinite Jest, said person will not question your choice to fully ignore them. Infinite Jest… or a smelly sandwich. Both tend to drive people away.
  2. Smile and try to maintain friendliness. This, admittedly, can be the most difficult because, depending on who it is, you may really just want to avoid them at all costs. We all have those days where we don’t want to interact with anyone, much less someone we vaguely know. But ultimately, we’re all just people on our way somewhere, and recognizing that can be helpful in creating comfortable interactions.
  3. Once the small talk runs dry, take the risk of pushing it further than that. Do your best to engage this person in deeper conversation: ask them about their studies, then their hometown, then maybe their childhood. Dig a little deeper. Look at this as an opportunity to get to know someone better. Who knows? It could blossom into something beautiful.
  4. If you’re not into that, do the exact opposite: ruin your chances at ever becoming closer with this person by freaking them out a little. Ask them a weird question that is way too personal, or straight up bizarre, and makes it clear you’re not to be trusted. They will most likely figure this out and move slowly away from you in the car.
  5. If all else fails and you really can’t hang, feel free to bail. Call your ass an Uber. We’ve all been there.

Hope this is somewhat helpful! Above all, don’t let awkward encounters detract from your 1 train experience.

xoxo,
Bwog

image via Bustle

Dec

10

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Um...maybe I still want to be the president.

Um…maybe I still want to be the president.

Upon assessment, CIA decided that Russia, finding Trump to be much friendlier than Hillary Clinton, had assisted Trump’s ascendency to The Oval Office. (The New York Times)

Famous Youtuber, PewDiePie claimed that Youtube is sabotaging his channel and undermining his popularity because he is white. (Buzzfeed) However, he regretted his promise to delete his channel when he hit 50-million subscribers in yesterday’s video.

Death toll rises after an Earthquake of magnitude 6.5 tremor struck Aceh province, Indonesia. An estimated 43,000 have been displaced. (BBC)

After peacefully conceding to the opposition leader Adama Barrow, Gambian President Yahya Jammeh decided to “reject the outcome of the recent election”, because of “serious and unacceptable abnormalities”. (Aljazeera)

image via Aljazeera

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