And an apple for you too, dear, for all the trials you must have suffered to come to this point.

Even though the harsh snows are yet to pass, can you feel it in your bones? A warm breeze; your limbs, unfurling from a cold hibernation; the reds and pinks of blooming acer palmatum, magnolia x soulangeana, and those berries you see in the bushes and then wonder if they’re edible or not. Every beginning of the semester, we bring you some of the best remarks from professors in the first week of school; after all, nothing quite has the essence of spring semester “new year, new me” as their words do.

Christian Rojas, Organic Chemistry I: “Sometimes in this class I will test you by making some stupid error on the board.”

John Morrison, History of Philosophy II Aquinas to Kant: “What is the sweetie you love, except for a collection of particles and calcium and water?”

Rashid Khalidi, Democracy in the Middle East: “Lebanese politics is actually one of the most amusing topics.”

Marcel Agueros, Earth, Moon, and Planets: “As you can imagine, when you search for ‘moon walk’ videos on Youtube a lot of conspiracy videos will show up.”

Rachel Eisendrath, Shakespeare I: “We were assigned this room. I hate this room. It feels like the crisis has happened.”

Elia Rudoni, Poetry as Neurosis: Lucan’s Bellum Civile: “Are you one of the three girls I met at a [classics department] party?”

Alfred MacAdam: After realizing neither he nor his students know how to raise the projector screen – “Well, what good are any of you all, anyway?”

Brendan O’Flaherty, Principles of Economics: “A ham sandwich would have beaten Trump in the election.”

An Apple for the Teacher, but None for Me in This Capitalist World via PublicDomainPictures.net