Really going wild this spring break.

And we back, bitches! Bwog hopes you had a warm, wet, and wild spring break! Here’s just a little taste of what we were up to…

Warm

• Went to Florida with friends like a cliché college student and got a sunburn the first day like a typical white.
• Lounged in Vondelpark chain-smoking joints under the afternoon sun.
• Got hella burned in Miami, which turned into a very nice tan until my entire chest and shoulder area peeled.
• Was thousands of miles away from the NYC blizzard.

Wet

• Gave numerous bodily fluids (pee, blood, puke) to the Atlantic Ocean.
• Lied about liking beer.
• ​Didn’t drink a drop of alcohol this Spring Break. Oops?
• Didn’t get rained on by a drop of water (or snow) this Spring Break. Not oops.
• Finally went skinny dipping.
• Successfully *didn’t* fall into an Amsterdam canal.

Wild

• Played Paranoia (drinking game) and found out all my friends think I’m most likely to get knocked up first. (Good reminder to take my birth control! yikes!)
• Spent one night in a NYC hotel, got Chinese food delivered straight to the door, ate it naked in bed while watching Rushmore. Truly the height of luxury.
• Did psychedelics for the first time. Highly recommend.
• Was not sober for a single 24-hour period between Thursday March 9th and today (Monday March 20th).
• Showed up to the airport drunk to fly to Miami.
• Had a very fun St. Patrick’s Day when I woke up with a wicked hangover. But, my friend dragged me to Mel’s where between me and two Fiji boys we finished two whole pitchers of beer.
• Saw the parade and drank more at an Irish pub in Midtown where I danced with a very energetic (and cute!) Irishman (like, FROM from ireland, visiting New York).
• Saw our lord and savior, Tim Tebow, God’s favorite son, in person.
• Held someone’s snake.
• Got locked out of my Airbnb within two hours of arriving.

Photo via me, bitch.

Come see Maggie Nelson!

Bucket List represents the intellectual privilege we enjoy as Columbia students. We do our very best to bring to your attention important guest lecturers and special events on campus. Our recommendations for this week are below, and the full list is after the jump. If you notice any events that have been left off the list, or if you have a correction, please let us know in the comments.

Recommended

• “Creative Writing Lecture: Maggie Nelson” Wednesday, March 22, 7:00 – 9:00 pm. Schapiro Hall Auditorium. Maggie Nelson.
• “How to Laugh: The Role of Comedy in Social Justice and Sustainable Peace” Thursday, March 23, 4:00 – 5:15 pm. IAB. Wajahat Ali, Jenny Yang, Dr. Nancy Goldman, Azhar Usman.
• “Struggling to Keep the Lights on: Understanding Why ‘Energy Insecurity’ Matters for Health and Equity in the US” Thursday, March 23, 6:00 – 7:30 pm. Pulitzer Hall World Room. Dr. Diana Hernandez, Dana Bourland, Dana Harmon.

Monday, March 20

• “Talk. The Kremlin Turns Ideological” 12:00 – 1:30 pm. IAB. Maria Lipman.
• “The Return of Strongmen: India, Turkey, and the U.S.” 5:00 – 6:00 pm. Pulitzer World Room. Steven Coll, Basharat Peer, David Phillips.
• “Whose Justice? – Reframing the ICC’s Trial of Dominic Ongwen – Session II: Victimhood, Criminality, and Positionality in International Justice” 6:00 – 9:00 pm. IAB. Alex Whiting, Mark Drumbl, Opiyo Oloya.
• “Practicum in Innovative Sustainability Leadership: Infrastructure as a Sustainability Driver, with Susanne DesRoches, Deputy Director, Infrastructure Policy, NYC Mayor’s Office of Recovery and Resiliency” 6:00 – 7:00 pm. Pupin 428. Susanne DesRoches.
• “New York Sea Level Rise Projections: Implications for Law, Land Use, Buildings and Infrastructure” 7:00 – 8:30 pm. Jerome Green Hall. Kate Orff, Mark Lowery, Pippa Brashear, Thaddeus Pawlowski.

Tuesday, March 21

• Book Talk: “Dictators Without Borders: Power and Money in Central Asia” 12:00 – 2:00 pm. IAB. Alexander Cooley, John Heathershaw.
• “Marvelous Thieves: Secret Authors of The Arabian Nights” 6:00 – 7:00 pm. Buell Hall, East Gallery. Paulo Lemos Horta.

Wednesday, March 22

• “Trump’s Asia Policy: The View from DC” 12:00 – 1:30 pm. IAB. Michael Auslin.
• “Deconstructing the Culture of Post-Truth Under Slobodan Milošević: Milica Mićić Dimovska, Her Novel MRENA, and Its New Translation as THE CATARACT” 6:00 – 8:00 pm. IAB. Jasmina Lukić, Sibelan Forrester.

Thursday, March 23

• “Peace Forum Session 1: Peace, Mountains, and Borders (Panel)” 1:00 – 2:15 pm. IAB. Judith Matloff, Paul Gillingham, Dipali Mukhopadhyay, Aldo Civico.
• “Have You Had a Colorectal Cancer Screening? A free educational talk on colorectal health” 3:00 – 4:30 pm. 390 Ft. Washington Avenue. Andria Reyes.
• “The Politics of Religion in Postwar Japanese Public School Education” 4:00 – 5:30 pm. IAB. Jolyon Thomas.
• “Visual Analytics: Helping to Obtain the Energy Required by Brandolini’s Law” 5:30 – 6:30 pm. Allan Rosenfield Building. Mark Rothe.
• Panel: “Soviet Photomontage: From Photo-Poetry to Propaganda” 6:00 – 8:30 pm. EC Common Room. Jindrich Toman, Serguei Oushakine, Maria Ratanova, Aleksandar Bošković.
• “Nietzsche 13/13: Jacques Derrida” 6:15 – 8:45 pm. Jerome Greene Annex. Bruno Bosteels, Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak, Danielle Cohen-Levinas.
• “Global Implications of the Refugee Crisis” 6:15 – 7:30 pm. IAB. Alexander Aleinikoff, Aine Fay, Adrienne Fricke, Anne-Marie Grey, Lara Setrakian.

Friday, March 24

• “The Business of Climate Change: Adaptation Finance in Vietnam and Bangladesh” 12:00 – 1:30 pm. IAB. Kimberly Thomas.
• “Race and Cuba in Transition Symposium” 3:00 – 8:00 pm. Buell Hall. Alejandro de la Fuente, Devyn Spence Benson, Roberto Zurbano Torres, Frank Guridy.
• Book Talk: “Beyond the Secular West” 3:00 – 4:30 pm. IAB. Akeel Bilgrami, Prasenjit Duara, Sudipta Kaviraj.
• Talk: “Black Sea History, 19th Century: Research and Writing” 4:00 – 6:00 pm. IAB. Gelina Harlaftis.
• “The Program in World Philology” 5:00 – 7:00 pm. EC Common Room. Stephen Chrisomalis.

Photo via Columbia University School of the Arts

What’s YOUR housing lottery number?

The day has arrived: housing lottery numbers are out. Whether you’ve been counting down to this day or utterly dreading its arrival, there’s no denying that Lottery Day will change your life forever. Or, for the next year, at least. So to make this day a little bit better, we’ve written up a handy dandy guide of how to identify kids in your seminar based on their housing numbers. Enjoy. 

So, you finally have your housing number. Are you in the top chosen 100? Somewhere in the middle? The dreaded number 3000?! We know you’re out there somewhere. We also know that as soon as everyone gets their lottery number, they immediately let it go to their head. Sometimes so much that they even become a part of you… a part of your deepest personality. So much so that suddenly you can automatically assume the housing number of every kid in your 18th century literature seminar just by the look in their eye. Here is comprehensive guide to help you verify your guess.

1-100:

Alright, we get it. You went to Exeter. You spent spring break at your grandmother’s chateau in southern France. And, by the looks of it, your housing selection for this year may be just as nice. Every time you raise your hand to sprew off some vague, faux-Enlightenment answer, I am now going to resent you even more. Something I never thought was possible.

101-750: 

Wow, don’t you look so pretty today. Your hair is just perfect. Oh, is that a new sweater? Of course it is. This brunette bombshell has perfected the art of looking like she Woke Up Like This, and her housing number shows it. She’s just shuffled enough to not be too flawless, but damn is she still lucky. Every time she speaks up in class, her words are eloquent and kind. Her voice sounds like a princess deepthroated some daisies. Have fun in Sulz Tower, bitch.

751-1500:

Could be better. Could be worse. He’s wearing a Neutral Milk Hotel t-shirt under his unwashed flannel and his hair is falling in his eyes. He’s by no means a poster child for excellence, but there’s still something about him that’s undeniably curious. When he raises his hand, he speaks with a smoker’s voice about how capitalism is crushing everything and nothing is actually “real.” He’ll probably end up on the top floor of EC with a suite he’ll hotbox every night.

1501-2000: 

Ahhh, the averageness is just palpable. Refreshing, almost. You know you don’t have much to compete with. You can tell they haven’t read the book, but that’s okay, because you haven’t either. When the teacher goes off on an unnecessary tangent, you often make eye contact from across the room and share a collective sigh. They’re quiet, but you can also tell that they’re anything but dumb. They’ll end up with a calm single somewhere with a nice view that they’ll decorate with lots of copper string lights bought on sale at Marshall’s.

2001-3000: 

Late to class. Again. He makes no effort to hide the fact that he hasn’t read the book. Claims he read it in high school, but honestly, even if that were true, it wouldn’t make a difference. If he’s not on his phone under his desk then he’s asleep in the back row. But as much as you try to be annoyed by him, you can’t help but relate… just a little. We’ve all been there. Maybe it’s not his fault he got stuck in his class. Maybe he just needed one more global core. Nevertheless, catch him in Plimpton. He had no other choice.

Image via Columbia Housing

Did you get down and dirty on Miami Beach too?

We want your Spring Break pictures! Whether you got down in Cabo San Lucas, traversed the streets of Paris, or stayed home, Bwog is invested in your good times and bad. To celebrate the relaunching of our social media platforms, Bwog has organized a giveaway.

We will be judging based on humor, creativity, and aesthetics in order to award a Pinkberry gift card to the winner. Runner-ups as well as the winner will be featured on our revamped instagram this week.

Spring break might be over but Spring, technically, is only starting. Just because we are entering phase two of midterms, does not mean we can’t reminisce on the last week of revelling and regrets.

May the odds be ever in your favor!

Photo via iStock.

I watched this video for over 15 minutes and still understood nothing.

Welcome back, Columbia! We hope you had a great spring break full of sun, booze, and relaxation! Or, if you stayed in NYC instead, we hope you survived the blizzard and didn’t get too sick of John JJ’s. Either way, time to check back in with today’s Bwoglines.

Happening in the nation: Today, FBI Director James Comey will be speaking before the House Intelligence Committee regarding President Trump’s wiretapping allegations. Emphasis on “allegations.” Because he has no proof. *sigh*

Happening in NYC: Jimmy Breslin, long-time famous NYC newspaper columnist, died yesterday in his Manhattan home. Breslin had won the 1986 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary, despite not always being NYC’s most agreeable voice.

Happening on campus: Today’s the day, Columbia: housing lottery numbers come out. May the odds be ever in your favor. Check the housing portal for your fate… and stay tuned for Bwog’s infamous housing reviews, coming up soon.

Overheard: “What’s worse: John JJ’s or straight guys?”

Get trippy: Over break I went on a wild trip and ended up watching YouTube videos on mandelbrots. This was my favorite.

Image and video via Mathologer.