Land of hopes and dreams and sweaty balls

No matter what Columbia undergrad (or grad?) school you’re in, you most definitely have had experience trying to get an EC sign-in, either for yourself or a friend. (If you’re a grad student trying to get signed into an EC party…..wyd.) We compiled a handy list of strategies below for you to get effectively and efficiently signed into EC so you can enjoy those sweaty parties that never have enough alcohol to make it worth it.

• Ask a passing stranger. If you see someone leaving or entering the building, grab them and ask if they live in EC and whether they’d be willing to spare you a sign-in. Make sure to seem either a. very confident or b. very sympathetic. Think kicked puppy thoughts, for this second one.
• Text all your EC friends. If you have friends who live in EC, obviously ask them for a sign-in.
• Text all your EC hookups. It’s crucial that whenever you hook up with anyone from aforementioned gross EC parties, you get their number so that you can ask them for a sign-in whenever you need. Alternatively, whenever you meet someone at a bar, frat party, whatever, if they live in EC, get their number. Use it.
• Pretend you’re a Shabbat observer. This only works if it’s between sundown on Friday and sundown on Saturday. Also, if you do this, remember that you didn’t actually sign in – you’ll be very liable to forget your ID on the way out.
• Get a CC/SEAS friend, wrap yourself around them, put on a big coat, and pretend you’re just one big person. Then your friend with access to EC can swipe in, and you can separate in the elevator. Doesn’t really work during the months of September, October, April, and May, but you can try this during those long, sad winter months.
• Wear clothes that are the same color as the floor and crawl under the little gate thing. This only works when there’s enough people in the lobby that the public safety officer is a little overwhelmed trying to keep order, and can’t see the floor.
• Have a CC/SEAS friend carry you through the little gate thing in a box or suitcase. This works better if you’re, say, not a 200-pound football player.
• Just forget about getting signed in the legitimate way, scale the building, and jump down an air shaft. You’re too cool for sign-ins.