Feb

21

Things CU Athletics Should Offer At Basketball Games

Written by

Baskets ball.

We’ve all been on the receiving-end of a free giveaway. Just like the aspiring artists in Midtown handing out their mixtapes, Columbia is willing to lose some of their humility to get you to show some school spirit. Here’s some of our suggestions for giveaways that will really mobilize the students of Columbia. 

  • Free pizza at every game, all the time
  • More free T-shirts
  • A reserved warm cup of jungle juice when KDR “runs out”
  • Cardboard cutouts of Camille Zimmerman’s face (They do it for the men’s team!)
  • Player bobbleheads
  • A Roaree PEZ
  • VIP access to a sweaty KDR dance floor experience
  • Seat cushions so that your ass doesn’t get numb by the end of the game
  • A half (or even a third, we aren’t greedy) of a PE absence
  • The combined motivation/bravery of both the cheerleaders and dancers
  • Coupons for Columbia gear (If you want us to rep our school, it has to be affordable.)
  • The will to get through the semester
  • A good excuse to tell your professor when you inevitably fuck up
  • Free drinks, or at least a decent mixer
  • A sugar daddy (we see those alums across the court ;) )
  • Money to afford this painfully expensive school
  • A letter of recommendation from PrezBo
  • Control of the aux during games
  • A good basketball team

Image via Max Pixel.

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