I haven’t yet figured out why the King’s Crown SHAKESPEARE Troupe does Greek tragedies.

New York City is packed with amazing culture and inspiring art, but sometimes it’s difficult to break the Morningside-bubble and experience it all first-hand. “Where Art Thou” is a weekly guide to interesting and notable lectures, events, and performances for the literary/musically/theatrically-inclined on campus.

On Campus

• Tuesday at 6 pm, see pianist and percussionist quartet Yarn/Wire at the Miller Theater. Described as “restlessly curious” (Time Out NY), Yarn/Wire will perform the US premiere of a work by the young, pioneering composer Catherine Lamb. Curvo totalitas is a 45-minute tour de force that seamlessly shifts perceptions, allowing the listener to get lost in its unique sound world.
• This Wednesday, March 7 in the Lerner Party Space, celebrate International Women’s Week with Columbia University HeForShe and KCST’s production of Electra. The play will run three times consecutively at 8, 9, and 10 pm. The minimum $5 donation goes to benefit UN Women and its Flagship Initiatives.
• Also on Wednesday, see Performing the Library: the Exhibit at 6 pm in Butler 301. The exhibit explores the stories, ideas, lives, and creative works bound together on pages in Butler Library. The works on display reflect student engagement with the library – all are a result of inspiration and reflection. Reserve your seat here.

Off Campus

• This Thursday, March 8, it’s time for the Antiquarian Book Fair at Park Avenue Armory! Over 200 American and international dealers will exhibit at the 58th Annual ABAA New York International Antiquarian Book Fair, bringing a vast selection of rare books, maps, manuscripts, illuminated manuscripts, and ephemera.

  Masks via Wikimedia Commons

A hoe, in art

Having been previously been interviewed by The Eye for her aversion to art hoes, Bwogger Idris O’Neill just really, really wants to set the record straight: she is not one of you. 

Awareness

You’re beginning to see a pattern among the girls here. They all really like Mitski, prefer to use Instagram’s story feature, tote around those ugly Swedish bags in those ugly cork sandals (probably also Swedish), are trying to be the Leslie Knope of everything they do, and really want you to know they’re just “smol bbs,,,,,” It’s almost unsettling to know one of them is going to read this and say “that’s me !!” It’s like an epidemic here. You’d definitely heard of them before, made fun of them before, but it’s still an overwhelming volume at Barnard. I mean, how many people can actually afford this lifestyle of purely La Croix, Urban Outfitters, and pastel wardrobes? More than you thought, apparently.

Resistance

It couldn’t be you, you say. You’re content with the sort of “aesthetic” you have going on, as the art hoes would call it. You get complimented for the things that are pretty art hoe-adjacent, like your pink glasses and silver braids, so you get rid of both of those. You’ve never been a particularly reactionary person, but the moves you’re making right now qualify. You are going out of your way to avoid all the things they do. Ask who Michael Scott is when they talk about The Office, then ask if that’s where they plan on working this summer. Say you hate getting your picture taken when they pull out their Instax. Throw your Stan Smiths away.

You’d take the Vineyard Vines-wearing, Morgan Stanley-employed prep school kids over this shit.

More anti-art hoe propaganda after the jump…

We are most definitely in vulva territory

Go Ask Alice! is an anonymous resource that Columbia students and others can use to get any health-related questions answered without feeling anxious or embarrassed. The Go Ask Alice! team is made up of health professionals, health promotion specialists, and others concerned with the well-being of students. Bwog has compiled some of the most interesting questions asked on Go Ask Alice!‘s website.

• Geese feces health risks? Is this inquirer asking about the Canada Goose jackets on Low Beach, or are actual Canada geese infesting a real beach? I guess we’ll never know.
• Are we in vulva territory? This person’s sister was right.
• Oral sex in the 50s? Because when asked the age-old question, “Oral sex or cheese?” old people always answer with cheese. Always.
• Help—My roommate’s a lesbian! This question simply reads, “I need advice. I think that my roommate is a lesbian. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
• Whom should I thank for my penis? Read this if you’re curious about the genetics of penis size to find out whomst giveth your penis to you.
• Ain’t got the giggles from crazy sex jiggles: This person’s girlfriend has the crazy sex jiggles indeed: “One night she jiggled right off the bed!”
• Straight man wants penis in mouth: Because even fragile masculinity can escape into the inbox of Go Ask Alice!
• Why do you answer dumb questions? Despite all the bizarre questions one might find answered on Go Ask Alice!, the team believes that there are no dumb questions and that there will always be at least one other person with the same question. The team at Go Ask Alice!‘s main goal is to ensure that Columbia students and others who may have questions for them are getting timely, educated answers, no matter how ridiculous they may sound.

Image via Go Ask Alice!

Diana! is red!

Barnard Dining can seem confusing to newcomers but we promise it’s not that hard. Social Media Editor Youngweon Lee, a CC student™, mastered the ways of Barnard Dining to share with you. The information in this post is probably about 85% reliable. 

If you are tired of the Ferris-John Jay-JJ’s trifecta, go ahead and try a Barnard dining hall. You have two options: Diana and Hewitt.

Diana’s location is self-explanatory; it’s in the Diana center, on the second floor. You walk in through the Barnard gates on 117th and take a right towards the construction hole. You walk all the way past the construction hole to the red building. That’s Diana. The doors are really heavy so just be careful. You walk up the big stairs on your left immediately after you enter, and Diana Cafe will be right there. You can’t miss it.

Diana is open for lunch and dinner every day except Saturday. It’s unclear when lunch ends (2 pm?) but dinner starts around 5 or 5:30 pm and ends at 8 pm. Then, Diana late-night runs from around 9 pm to 11:45 pm.

During lunch, Diana doesn’t take meal swipes and you have to pay with either real money or dining dollars, but you can use your swipes (yes, even Columbia swipes!) at dinner. One swipe gets you an entree, two sides, and a fountain drink. The famous Diana white pizza is only available for lunch, however, and the smoothie station is a wrap station.

Things that count as an entree are two pieces of pizza, any burger or sandwich, a large soup, a large salad, and a smoothie. Diana used to have thin-crust pizza boxes for dinner, but now they just have large pies that you take two pieces from, which is a shame. I think the burgers are pretty good, personally. I like the bread better than JJ’s. If there are no burgers or chicken sandwiches ready, you can order one and just wait a few minutes. They do have vegan burger options as well.

Things that count as a side are fries, a small soup, a small salad, and a bag of chips from the shelf that’s closest to the burger station. The fries taste exactly like McDonald fries (which, in my book, is a good thing). I find that the salad bar is more diverse than the ones at Columbia dining. I especially like that they have palm hearts sometimes. There are a lot fewer options at late-night, though, so keep that in mind.

Moving onto Hewitt, this one can be a little hard to find. It’s in the basement of Barnard Hall, which is the big building immediately in front of you when you enter the Barnard gates. You walk down the stairs to your left once you’re inside, and wander around a bit until you see it. You can just swipe in like you would at Columbia.

I’ve only been to Hewitt breakfast, so I don’t know what lunch and dinner are like. At breakfast, they have your usual eggs and breakfast meats station, bread/pastries, yogurt/canned fruits, and a grill where they make you avocado toast. Because the avocado toast station is a grill, the bread is nicely toasted and they give you a fried egg on it, but you usually have to be prepared to wait a long time.

The scrambled eggs are more consistently cooked throughout than Ferris/John Jay scrambled eggs. I find that the scrambled eggs at Columbia dining halls are somehow really dry and really watery simultaneously, but the Hewitt eggs are better cooked and fluffier. The pastries are also really good and I highly recommend them. I had an amazing banana muffin that everyone should try before they graduate.

Hewitt also has a kosher food station, which I believe is the only full kosher food station on campus (both Columbia and Barnard). I’ve heard that if you look obviously non-Jewish and you try to eat from there, you will get “slapped.”

All that being said, Hewitt has a B health rating, so keep that in mind.

Diana via Bwog Archives

Prepare yourself.

If you had tried to take the subway last weekend, you might’ve discovered that the 1 line was actually not running between 96 and 137th streets. In the interest of preparing our readers for another inevitable MTA disaster, we wanted to provide you with some practical, little-known transportation alternatives to the subway:

• Wait until Thanksgiving and ride on a Macy’s float. This option is both festive and fun – plus, you get a great view of the city! Just requires a little bit of patience.
• Pretend to break your leg, call CAVA. Or you could actually break your leg (maybe it’ll get you out of your midterms!)
• Steal a Canada Goose and sell it to pay for Uber. Materials needed: eBay, working Uber app, any KDR party.
• Jump on the roof of a car and hang on real tight. Self-explanatory, but definitely not for the faint of heart.
• Magic carpet. Aladdin isn’t only for kids anymore!
• Hope the Manhattanville Public Safety shuttle comes at some point (spoiler: it won’t). They’ll probably call you an NYPD cop car instead.
• Grow some wings and fly. Make like Icarus and have a go at it!
• Jump on the back of a delivery bike. Especially as snowstorms plague NYC this weekend and as New Yorkers everywhere are ordering Seamless, we find this option particularly viable.
• Walk. You have two legs; use them.
• Real answer: you can take the M104 to 96th. Not that the rest of these answers weren’t real.

Which circle of hell is the MTA???? via Youngking11 on Wikimedia [CC BY-SA 3.0]

Who would have thought that this tiny ball of aluminum foil could start a trade war?

Happening in the World: Egyptian authorities have arrested an Egyptian mother who spoke to BBC about the torture and forced disappearance of her mother, detaining her for 15 days. She was arrested on suspicion of spreading false information, but she insists that her story is true. (BBC)

Happening in the US: In wake of Trump’s recent decision to impose tariffs on imported steel and aluminum, fears of an impending trade war have caused the value of the US Dollar to drop. Regardless, Trump has said that “trade wars are good.” (Reuters)

Happening in NYC: Trump is pushing congressional Republicans to oppose funding for the construction of the Hudson Rail Tunnel, a tunnel between New York and New Jersey. The construction of this tunnel would expand rail service under the Hudson River, an area in which major infrastructure improvements are needed. (NY Times)

Happening on Campus: The CU Artist Society is hosting “Paint Day” today from 10 am to 12 pm in 401 Dodge Hall! Free acrylic paints, brushes, canvases, and more will be provided, and you’ll have the opportunity to paint a live model. Check out the Facebook event here.

Bacterium of the Day: Photorhabdus luminescens is a bacterial species that causes whatever it infects to glow! It can even infect human wounds, giving it the nickname the “Angel’s Glow” after the First World War, because it served as a signifier of the wound’s healing. Read more about it here.

Image via Wikimedia Commons