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Sep

20

An Open Hate Letter To The Serial Shitter Of Sulz 6

Written by

This is where you belong

Who’s been leaving shit in all of the Sulz 6 toilets? We don’t know, but Bwogstaff has some words for them.

Dear the worst human on earth,

Let me begin this by saying fuck you, jerk. I have a lot of tolerance, but walking into the gender-neutral bathroom, which I go into for the sake of not having to greet anyone, and instead GREETING YOUR SHIT… it’s just unforgivable. I get it, the flush sound is loud and the toilet sprays a bit, but come on. For the love of all that is holy in this world just suck it up and flush. It’s not that hard. Truly, it would mean the world to me and the other patrons of the gender-neutral bathroom if you would be willing to flush or go to Brooks. I am sure the people of Brooks 6 would love to have you yay Barnard sisterhood! Shitsterhood?

My dearest serial shitter, I am also really worried about your colon. You’re going three times a day, which can’t be healthy. Have you been eating at Hewitt? I hear it does that to people.

The Barnard Parents of 2022 Facebook page is up in outrage over the mistreatment of the bathrooms. Does it make you feel good to know that you’re stressing out mothers across the world? I hope it doesn’t. Feel bad. Feel really bad. Shit somewhere else.

And to the person who left their bloody tampon on the shower floor… somehow you’re even worse.

Love,

Someone with human decency xoxo <3

Sexy toilet photo via Max Pixel

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2 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Hey there are still a lot of places with squat toilets, bidet squeegies, and cesspools (which ban flushing toilet paper). In fact, there are a lot of COlumbia Engineers up at the watershed preventing grannies from letting their cesspools flood into our drinking water.

  2. hmmmmm.......  

    Two year ago when I was a first-year, the Suz 6 bathroom was likewise terrorized by an anonymous serial pooper. The problem was so bad that people began to call them out on the various bulletin boards the RA had constructed. Could it be that there is something about the Sulz 6 toilets that precludes proper flushing etiquette, or is it that Sulz 6 somehow attracts negligent poopers?

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