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Oct

8

JJ’s Smoothies As Myers-Briggs Personality Types

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This entire article was inspired by my weird distaste for the new green smoothie

True fans of Bwog will know how much we love arbitrarily casting inanimate objects as stereotypical Myers-Briggs personalities. And, with the introduction of the new smoothie flavors in JJ’s, this classification of the smoothies as Myers-Briggs personality types is way overdue. 

Green Apple = ISTP. Weird as heck, but like, an exciting kind of weird. Has an interesting personality to compensate for a definite lack of emotion. The shady student who transferred from Bard College or something into your LitHum class that leaves you asking, “Where did she even come from?” Probably plans to do their own version of the water bottle guy’s performances on College Walk. Also probably a narc.

Raspberry Lemonade = ESFJ. New, kind-of-attractive kid on your floor who just moved in. Relentlessly offers to host pregames in their suite because they want to be accepted. Kind of vapid and shallow though. Probably won’t remember your name after the first week of knowing you.

Strawberry Banana = ISFJ. A good person, through and through. Will bring you a dessert from But Caf after you Snapchat them about your existential dread induced by midterm season. Attends all those study breaks involving puppies on campus. Also attends all the CCSC-hosted events throughout the semester.

Mango = ESTP. Thinks about sex, a lot. Intentionally blocks your way when you’re trying to move from the food area to the seating area of JJ’s. Interests include having loud conversations with friends in the middle of Butler 209 or taking phone calls while auxing for a pregame. Chaotic neutral who probably has some sociopathic tendencies. Definitely takes off shirt at EC parties.

Berry = ISTJ. Who is she? Can go for hours unnoticed, and actually doesn’t exist anymore. Was actually a great flavor/personality type, until everyone forgot about them.

The smoothie looks like a Skittles x Vomit collaboration via Flickr

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