A Love Letter To The Columbia Baseball Team
Written by Bwog Staff
An anonymous Bwogger took some free shots of whiskey at Mel’s during a Yankees game and fell in love with the Columbia baseball team.
If you didn’t know, Columbia does have a baseball team. They don’t run around school shirtless like the track (I presume) team does. They don’t swagger around campus in unseemly arrogance from a few rare won games like the football team does. They don’t do whatever the men’s rowing team does. (What does the men’s rowing team do? The women’s team is great. Love them.) They’re rather lowkey, don’t cause trouble (as far as I know), mind their own business, and just do what they love: play baseball.
I will add the disclaimer that I went to Mel’s twice in the last week for Yankees games because they gave free shots to anyone wearing Yankees gear whenever they scored, and this definitely brainwashed me to think of baseball as a good sport. I still don’t really know anything about baseball, except that when the Yankees hit a home run, I get a shot of whiskey. (Bwog disclaimer: the writer is 21 years old. Don’t drink if you’re underage.) Also, they’re really doing the most. They have to hit a tiny ball with a bat about as thick as my arm, run really fast to the bases, be able to catch the tiny ball which flies through the air with extremely high speeds, and throw the said ball across a giant field with extreme accuracy. I know nothing about sports, but it honestly seems like baseball might be the sport that requires the most athleticism.
But anyway this led me to turn to Columbia’s very own baseball team. I don’t know if they’re good or not, because looking at the stats honestly tells me nothing, seeing as I know nothing about baseball, but like, I’m sure they are. I love them! I don’t mean to be creepy, but the roster looked so wholesome! The men’s golf team could never!
Mowrey, #3, has such a wholesome smile! I bet he swipes his friends into JJ’s! Bury, #1, has great freckles! Chernow, #5, has great eyes! I bet he uses them really well to see balls and catch them or whatever! I admire #25 Bengtson’s hair! It looks bleached, and that takes guts. I could write a whole separate love letter to Post, #30, but I’ll just say I bet he’s an amazing right-handed pitcher. (Weird that they differentiate right-handed and left-handed pitchers.) Solomon, #40, looks so happy and his hair looks super soft! What conditioner does he use? Nicoloff, #12, is wearing a bold pink shirt in his roster picture, and I’m loving it. McGill, #9, looks very athletic; I bet he catches balls really well since he’s the catcher. Also, shoutout to the three or so SEAS students in a sea of CC: Miller, #4; West, #24; May, #27; and Solomon, #40. Shame you probably never read the Iliad, but I can look past that. Please teach me how to do basic algebra.
I’d love to give individual shoutouts to all the players, but there’s a lot of them and only one of me. If any baseball players reading this want a separate love letter, though, email email@example.com and we’ll send you one.
I honestly have no idea when the baseball season is, but I guess it must be now since I watched two Yankees games in the last week? Someone who knows more about baseball than I do please comment and let me know so I know to go to their games or something. If any baseball players want to teach me how this sport works, also feel free to comment below or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Columbia baseball via Bwog Archives
Tags: @ baseball players please email email@example.com if you wanna flirt with bwog, i am so fucking single hahahahahahhdhahdsa help, i'd say slide into my dms but i'm writing this anonymously, i'm deleting this article if they have a scandal haha, i've honestly never seen anyone on the roster around campus like ever, really hope they see this article lol, the mythical columbia baseball team, when is baseball season someone please lmk lol