Conspiracy: What’s Behind The Door To The Barnard Pool?

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The door in question… Eerily menacing, right?

There is a creepy door in the basement of Barnard Hall. Internal Editor Sarah Kinney is here to offer her thoughts. That is all.

Every Tuesday and Thursday I find myself in the basement of Barnard Hall, pacing around before going to ballet. Outside the dance studios and fitness center is an oddly positioned set of stairs in the corner which lead up to a large, fortified, metal door with a huge sign reading “POOL.” Underneath that sign, however, is another sign that reads “Please note the closure of the pool is permanent.” Every single week this door perplexes me. What lies behind it? Is the door even locked? What would happen if I turned the knob and ventured into the abyss?

In my mind, I open this door to find a huge room made entirely of concrete and tile with a giant empty pool in the middle. The lighting is low, flickering, and eerie. There are abandoned mops and floaties in the corner. Moaning Myrtle wails in the distance. Or maybe the pool is full, and in the water dwells a giant sea monster who protects Barnard from other giant sea monsters in the area. Maybe there’s a mermaid à la Aquamarine. Is there a hot lifeguard?

Or maybe there isn’t a pool at all. Maybe behind the door lies a secret train station that will transport you to any of the other Seven Sisters. Or maybe it’s a chocolate shop and candy factory operated entirely by mice, sort of like Ratatouille but not. Maybe DSpar has transformed the space into her own personal apocalypse shelter.

Obviously, I have no idea what lies behind this door. One Barnard Bwogger mentioned to me that they just use the space for storage, but storage for what?! All the shot glasses and wine bottles and ashtrays they’ve confiscated from Barnard dorms over the years? Stacks of cash belonging to the endowment? Who knows. All I know is I will give $5 to the person who successfully opens that door and reveals to me all of the secrets of the abandoned Barnard pool.


Image via me obv

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    Barnard should do something with this space, or at least turn it into a pool and gym again rather than relying on Columbia.

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