Ways To Get Rid Of Cockroaches When You’re Too Broke For An Exterminator
Written by Bwog Staff
It’s no secret that living in New York City can come with some unwelcome guests. Here are some of our best tips for how to give your freeloaders the boot.
- Sacrifice a muffin so the cockroach gods will have mercy on you.
- Move into Prezbo’s house.
- Move out of Prezbo’s house when you realize that no one is truly safe.
- Get a flamethrower. Burn down your dorm.
- Bring dragons. Reclaim what is yours with fire and cockroach-equivalent-of-blood.
- Charge them rent.
- Scream until your next-door neighbor comes over and DEMAND they kill it for you.
- Invite them to a cockroach soirée in the room next door.
- Snort pure boric acid so your very essence deters them.
- Take legal action.
- Downsize by attrition à la 12th Dynasty Pharaoh Senwosret III. Once they die, give their heirs cushy but ineffective jobs in the capital, isolating them from their power base. Gradually instate your own people to regain control of the nomes.
- Bring them fire and stone tools. Become their God.
- Rent a zamboni and play the slowest game of tag ever.
- Cover it w/ a jar and leave it there to die because you are too terrified to do anything else.
- Construct a maze and force it to migrate to your suite mate’s room.
- Crush them with Merriam Webster’s Revised Biographical Dictionary.
- Show them pictures of dead cockroaches, as a warning.
- Move rooms. The cockroach will get lonely and leave, and then you can move back in.
- Just step on them.
- Evict them.
- Land mines.
- Get bigger cockroaches to use up their food.
- Bring in rats so they can fight to the death.
- And finally: just call an exterminator???
we’ve all been there via Bwog archives
Tags: burn them all, bwog gives advice, get out get out get ouT, i've never lived in a place with roaches so the paranoia is real, it's the great cockroach charlie brown, now every time i hear a rustle i fucking know it's the mother of all roaches coming to seal my doom