A hottie with a body.

There are a lot of ways to find out who you are: you can read your horoscope, take the Myers-Briggs test, get your palms read. Or, you can read this post and find out what your preferred seating in the brand spanking new Milstein Center reveals about you. 

The green chairs by the windows: You’re going to fall asleep. You’ve fooled yourself by thinking that you’re going to be productive at the library. But you are just that: a fool. Have fun napping with the sweet afternoon sun on your face.

The big blue couch things: Honestly you’re a mystery. Who sits here? Are you supposed to sit horizontally or vertically? I don’t know! Right now I can see some people sitting there and they look nice, I guess.

The V-benches: You’re hot. We get it! You look really good today and you want everyone to see.

Tables on the second floor: You! Are! Cruising! When you walk through the turnstiles the noise makes everyone look up so they know you are on the market, baby. You sit at a table with other people and watch literally everyone walk by. You are a single woman on the prowl. Maybe a recent divorcee.

(more…)

Happy Halloween

Bwog writer Gabbie lives the life of a grandma on 113th. She has never been to a Senior Night and doesn’t plan to go to one soon, after hearing what she does every Wednesday night from her apartment window.

There is a sudden shriek, interrupting my nightly pre-bed cup of herbal tea and episode of Fargo. I’m sitting on my couch in my living room, just chilling and preparing for bed, having just set my loaf of bread to rise overnight so I can have a nice breakfast after my early morning class tomorrow.

I look out my window to identify the shriek. Is someone getting murdered? That’s what it sounded like. It is Halloween after all. There is a faint siren blaring in the background. Maybe someone did get murdered. All I see, faintly in the dark on 113th street, is a group of frat brothers smoking outside their front door. Soon, they escort a small group of ladies out of the house, and begin walking towards Amsterdam. Perplexing. Everything sets off faint alarm bells in my head, as I imagine the worst. Maybe the shriek was from my episode of Fargo? I think not, but I shake my head and continue.

I return to the shriek later. Who was this ghoul? It’s Halloween and I am scared. It had been early when I heard the shriek… what was wrong with this person? WHO GETS THAT LIT AT 10 PM ON A WEDNESDAY. Before long, I’m set up near my window, Alfred Hitchcock-styles, investigating everything that’s happening outside. I hear murmured conversations… was that my name I heard? Why are they talking about me? Are they coming to get me? Is there a doomsday Halloween cult on Columbia’s campus?

The night grows older and I grow weary. I decide to put away my flashlight and unfold my pull-out couch to go to bed. I am still afraid; the lights from outside are casting weird shadows on my wall…

IT’S DEFINITELY A HALLOWEEN DOOMSDAY CULT. Just over the noise of the cars on Broadway, I hear laughing. Only it’s not really laughing, it’s cackling, and I am the joke. More shrieks, they are eliminating the obstacles in their way.

The cackling seems to follow me, floating up from my window. I am awake, staring at the ceiling. The ghouls… they are coming for me.

candy corn ghost via Bwog Archives

Bwog was dead! But it’s born anew and better than ever!

Happening in the World: Asia Bibi, a woman sentenced to death for blasphemy in Pakistan, was acquitted on Wednesday by the nation’s highest court. The case has caused protests and political turmoil in Pakistan for almost a decade. (USA Today)

Happening in the US: President Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan are still feuding over the question of birthright citizenship. Trump claims he can end birthright citizenship with an executive order, which Ryan and many others say is impossible and unconstitutional. (CNN)

Happening in NYC: Reese’s set up a vending machine near Washington Square Park that exchanges other types of Halloween candy for Reese’s peanut butter cups. Where was this candy converter when I was a kid? (NY Daily News)

Happening on Campus: Dean of Georgetown College Christopher Celenza will be lecturing on “Philology and Authenticity: Lorenzo Valla, Constantine, and Styles of Renaissance Reading” in Butler 203 at 4:30 pm. Reception to follow. (Columbia Events)

Place to nap today: It’s weirdly nice out today! So go to the lawns and nap before PrezBo covers them in tarps!

baby Bwog via Public Domain Pictures