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Nov

2

Bwog Brings You Your Fall Break Horoscope

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I guess this die would be helpful if you don’t know your birthdate?

Maybe you already checked your weekly horoscope and it’s not giving you the specific, fall break-related forecast you’re looking for. Or maybe you never check your horoscope (it’s okay, me neither tbh), and the title piqued your interest. Whether you’re this, that, or somewhere in between, Bwog Guest Writer Sophie Tobin has you covered for all of your fall break horoscope needs.

Aries

You will stay up until 3 AM binge watching weirdly niche craft videos on YouTube. Congrats on your new pair of shoes made using only a hot glue gun.

Taurus

You’ll show your friends from home the “columbia buy sell memes” Facebook page to make them laugh, but instead spend 20 minutes trying to explain to non-Columbia students why it’s so funny to joke that SEAS students are illiterate.

Gemini

You will only be safe in a pillow fort.

Cancer

You will run into your ex from high school, only to realize after the matter that one of your two front teeth was completely hidden by a piece of spinach.

Leo

You will purchase as many Blu-Ray copies of “The Princess Bride” as you can.

Virgo

For every snobby comment your relatives make about your liberal arts degree, you will memorize one (1) more Sophocles poem.

Libra

You will have a hard time explaining to your real parents why you call your best friends mom/dad.

Scorpio

You will scroll so far back through buy sell memes that you find your birthdate. It was a good year; a warm year. Someone posted a cat with the caption “I CAN HAZ JJ’S?” That’s enough Facebook for the day, you think to yourself as you slowly close your laptop.

Sagittarius

You will shoplift the last package of Halloween themed Oreos in the grocery store. Your old piano teacher and her husband will now believe you are pregnant with a rectangular baby.

Capricorn

You will decide to perfect your cursive for no particular reason. But then you get, like, really good at cursive. You will open an Etsy shop and quickly become the next online calligraphy tycoon.

Aquarius

You’re gonna watch the “Imitation Game” and cry over how dirty England did Alan Turing.

Pisces

Your pet’s welcome will immediately convince you to drop out of college and stay at home forever. Don’t worry, people will understand.

This is our last content before Wednesday! Enjoy fall break! :)

Photo via Bwog Archives

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