Over the past several days, we have received a number of increasingly agitated tips about a string of vandalism centered on the phrase “Poop Nuggetz.” As far as we can tell, this shit has gone down on John Jay 13.
One anonymous tipster kept calm in the face of the drama, providing an email with the subject line “Poop nuggetz” and merely adding: “That phrase was used to desecrate a poster on my door, among many other pieces of paper (e.g flyers/doortags) in John Jay last night in red marker.” They went on to theorize that the guilty party was “drunk, mean, or just an idiot.” All good theories, although perhaps the more accurate guess would be that a rogue twelve-year-old was accidentally allowed into John Jay over the weekend.
More alarmed was the tipster who demanded, “Bwog, I am serious. I need you to find the people who scrawled ‘poop nuggetz’ all over John Jay. Maybe it was some sort of graffiti tag, because the people who did this seem to be poop nuggets themselves.” An interesting theory…literal poop nuggets simply trying to express their identities. After all, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
We may simply never know who the culprit is. So far, all we can tell you for sure is that there were multiple people responsible, most likely first-years. At least those in John Jay have it better than those in Wien, who have been reporting an anonymous sink-pooper haunting those who fail to lock their doors at night.