Housing Reviews 2015: Wien

Housing is coming up, and no, you can’t just avoid thinking about it like you’re avoiding thinking about your Lit Hum paper, Econ problem set, 1004 homework, French presentation…check out what Wien Hall has to offer, and check back tomorrow for another housing review.

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Location: 411 W. 116th Street

  • Nearby dorms: East Campus
  • Nearby food: HamDel, Brownie’s, AppleTree (a Bwog staff favorite <3), Strokos and Artopolis (sorta)

Cost: $7,640/per year (same as Broadway, Furnald, McBain, and Schapiro). This is the cheapest rate for non-freshman housing.

Amenities:

  • Bathrooms: Recently renovated (2009-10), with separate men’s and women’s on every floor, as well as a handicap bathroom. They are quite nice, with 3 showers each.
  • AC/Heating: No AC, fairly noisy radiator heating.
  • Kitchen/Lounge: Spacious ground floor lounge with sparse seating and a piano; Kitchen Lounge on 2nd floor equipped with large refrigerator, oven, stove, microwave, dishwasher, lots of cabinet space, cable TV, 2 couches, and a large table with a few chairs. Floor lounges only on 5th, 7th, and 9th floors, equipped with cable TV, an average of 4 comfy chairs, a microwave, some cabinet space, and a kind of cool white board wall.
  • Laundry: Small laundry room on 2nd floor equipped with 8 washers and 9 dryers
  • Computers/Printers: Computer lab on 2nd floor equipped with 2 printers and 6 computers.
  • Intra-transportation: Two elevators of mediocre speed. Only the left one goes to the top floor.
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Recently carpeted hallways, hardwood flooring in a some doubles rooms, but mostly linoleum in singles.
  • Wi-Fi: Yes.
  • Special Stuff: YOU GET A SINK IN YOUR ROOM?!?! Seriously a personal sink… that’s basically a half-bath.

Room Variety:

  • Singles: Around 28 per floor on the 3rd through 9th, 20 on the 10th, and 15 on the 11th and 12th. All range from 100 sq. ft. to 145 sq. ft., with an average around 120 sq. ft., which is most likely larger than what you’d get in Schapiro or Broadway.
  • Doubles: 1 double on 4th through 9th floors at the north end of the hallway, 2 doubles on 11th and 12th floors at south end of the hallway. All are 200 sq. ft. There is one other double on the 12th floor (1202/04) that is 246 sq. ft. a.k.a. fit for a king.
  • Walk-through Doubles: There are 3 to 4 walk-through doubles on each floor, with less on the 11th and 12th. The 42/3 rooms at the south end on the 3rd through 9th floors are significantly larger totaling 290 sq. ft., while the other dingles average 250 sq. ft. and can be as small as 200 sq. ft. on the 10th through 12th floors.

Do you want to be a Wiener?

ACSRI Announces Support For Divestment From Private Prisons

The Advisory Committee on Socially Responsible Investing of Columbia University announced tonight their support for the University’s divestment from private prisons. This comes as a response to the USenate SAC’s announcement supporting divestment. Read the full statement from ACSRI below.

Nobody Asked Tats: Bacch Edition
shutterstock_143410588

You, basking in the light of Big Sean.

Just like your spirit, the weather too is drained. No worries though, because all that misery has to go somewhere, and this year, it’s the rain forecast on Bacchanal! Get hype!!!! Tats tells you how to dress well for the struggle.

Dear Tats,

It’s raining on Bacchanal! How can I look super cute while still maintaining my non-pneumatoid body?

Sincerely,

How Is It STILL Raining?

Dear How,

You tell me, man. These are dark times, dark days. I look out from my shafted Nussbaum room and can contemplate nothing but for the brute extent of misery that has followed me and ripped my soul asunder. Perhaps Camus was right that “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer,” but what for the interminable depths of… spring? What, then? We seem to have defeated the algorithm. Or has it defeated us?

To distract from the inevitable gloom of the human condition, consider not your soul, but your body. I speak, of course, about Bacchanal attire. At a staunch 50 degrees, the weather, like your complex, glittering personality (at least, according to Buzzfeed quizzes), defies definition and requires extensive meditation.

Like Buzzfeed, what role do I serve but a vessel for easier stomaching of your spirit? I suppose, whatwith the excess of intellect and introspection I possess, I might be able to recommend some excellent acceptable Bacchanal outfit choices.

1. Head to toe poncho, preferably in camo print. Better for lurking.

2. Never nude. Bonus points if you cry in the rain, shower scene style!

3. Become a human umbrella. Uncertain about execution, but just apply yourself better than you do to your classes and you should be just fine.

4. Make like a milliner and create your own hat. Felt, fur, khaki… the world is your oyster!!

5. A suit made entirely of your resumé. It’s never too late to land a summer internship. I hear Sean’s been looking…

Well, back to my tower. Now I’ve considered the most important issues of the day, I ought to get back to distracting myself with silly things like religious freedom and mafia worship. See you on the flip side.

JK nothing will ever make you feel this way again via Shutterstock

Statement From James McShane Regarding Bacchanal Security Costs
Fresh gear

Fresh gear

Presumably in response to outrage over the allocation of $20,000 — $25,000 in additional funds to provide for added security and other services on the Butler lawns during Bacchanal, Vice President for Public Safety James McShane has put out an email explaining how the funds received by Public Safety will be put to use.

The text of the email is as follows:

Dear all,

As we come up on this weekend’s The Bacchanal, Columbia University Public Safety has been hard at work ensuring that the event is as safe and orderly as possible. To this end, we have requested that various student government organizations contribute funds to cover any budget gaps we at Public Safety may encounter.

Among the chief targets of this additional funding are overtime salaries for officers and administrative staff. Also, in response to concerns expressed over the last year by Deans Valentini and Boyce, Public Safety will be investing in updated equipment for verifying the sobriety of students in the concert areas. This will ensure a sober and comfortable community experience for all attendees.

Pursuant to 20 U.S.C. § 1092(f), University policy, and the requests of various campus organizations, we are providing the Columbia community with a detailed account of how this extra funding will be spent. Please see the attached document. Alternatively, please see the following link:

[redacted; document reproduced below]

Columbia University
Department of Public Safety

Spring 2015 Bacchanal Auxiliary Security and Suppression Allocations

$6,443.19 — OVERTIME SALARIES, ADMINISTRATIVE
$4,330.19 — OVERTIME SALARIES, GENERAL
$2,955.00 — SOBRIETY TEST EQUIPMENT, TRAINING
$1,731.33 — RESTRAINTS (ZIP TIES, QUICKSAND)
$1,592.92 — NETS, SNARES, MOATS, BEARS
$943.18 — TASER BATTERIES, ERGONOMIC HAND GRIPS
$900.00 — PEPPER (BAND PERFORMANCE FEE)
$817.11 — PEPPER (GROUND)
$323.00 — PEPPER (SPRAY)
$300.00 — THREE HUNNA
$200.00 — RICARDO MORALES PASSED “GO”
$155.11 — LANDMINES, U.S. MILITARY SURPLUS
$99.99 — UNEVEN PAVERS TO PREVENT ESCAPE
$19.99 + S&H — SOLAR-POWERED CHEESE GRATER
$4,228.99 — WASTE, EMBEZZLEMENT, ADDITION ERRORS

Thank you.

JFM

James F. McShane
Vice President for Public Safety
Columbia University
Low Library, Rm. 101
Mail Code 4301
535 W. 116th Street
New York, New York 10027
212-854-6792

Prescience via Shutterstock

PetHop: Possibilities@CU Cat
Aw, look at where its bones end!!

Aw, look at where its bones end!!

Based on your readership, we’ve recently realized a massive overlook in our news coverage: fat animals in the MoHi area. This week, we’ve interviewed one of our personal favorites, the Possibilities@CU cat. It looks vaguely Persian, but maybe that’s its obesity and frankly incredible laze speaking.

Bwog: What’s your name?

TV: Theodore von Tickleschnick

Bwog: Tell us about yourself. What are your interests?

TV: As one of the more intellectual contingents of the feline breed, particularly in these ghastly, uncultured areas, I have many interests, not the least of which include high-class television, such as Real Housecats of New York and the Bachecat. I am also fascinated, indeed titillated, by modern art in Morningside Heights. Every cigarette butt deposited elegantly outside the library, a testament to the fragility of life, both human and feline. Every remnant of Cafe East smoothie/JJ’s Jamba Juice, a tasty homage to the import of natural food in this artificial day and age. As for the cuisine in the area, don’t get me started. I challenge you, is there a pastry in France more sophisticated than ButCaf’s cheesecake brownie? Likely not.

Bwog: What were the last two books you’ve read?

TV: Foucault’s Pendulum, by Umberto Eco, and Tim Gunn’s The Natty Professor. Eco and Gunn have a shocking amount in common.

Bwog: What noteworthy things have you done in the last 24 hours?

TV: In no particular order: roasted Justin Bieber, publicly, i.e. in Possibilities@CU. Ate a pizza, margherita of course. Engaged in serious discourse over the validity of the Communist Manifesto (ah, these adorable sophomores, experiencing their first fragments of Marx). Ate a pizza. Saved Barack from yet another assassination attempt. Ate a baguette with some Camembert. Contemplated morality. Ate a muscadine pudding tart.

Adorably chubby NOT fat via Bwog

LectureHop: Jeffrey Sachs And The Moral University In The 21st Century
Jeffrey Sachs

Jeffrey Sachs

Yesterday, Internal Editor and scientific savant Britt Fossum headed to Hamilton to listen to Columbia’s resident boss Jeffrey Sachs talk ethics and universities.

Yesterday evening was the first talk in a new series hosted by the Masters Program in Bioethics at Columbia titled “What is a Moral University in the 21st Century?” The speaker was none other than Jeffrey Sachs: economist, professor, and opponent of the university-as-business model that is all too prevalent. According to him, moral discourse is just not as normal as it should be. Many problems brought up during the daily functioning of Columbia should be regarded as moral issues as well as economic or social issues: fossil fuel divestment, sexual misconduct, plagiarism and academic property rights, admissions, and issues of free speech.

Sachs is the director of the Earth Institute at Columbia and was an economics professor at Harvard and so focused his argument on moral issues in these two fields—the need for fossil fuel divestment and the legitimacy of professors taking on private consulting jobs with Wall Street. He spoke against the dominant position of the day which he defines as a libertarian one with the University governed only by the board of trustees and state and market law. Morality needs to be pushed past this “web of contractual obligations.”

There are four types of moral problem facing a modern university according to Sachs: those of daily life and interpersonal relationships, of academic research, how teachers should impart moral knowledge to students, and the role of the University in a global context. Sachs elaborated further on this last (most complicated) issue by giving examples: this is the realm of morality that should govern Columbia’s decisions on use of the endowment, development in Manhattanville, accepting donations, and allowing outside employers for professors and departments.

Sachs speaks out against the Harvard president and more after the jump!

Bwoglines: Four Things That Will Make You Cry First From Heartbreak And Then From Laughter Edition
Fuck you

Fuck you

Dermatologists hate her! This suburban mom uses cheap household ingredients to keep her skin looking like she’s still twenty-five!

Here are fifty-two bars of soap that look eerily similar to human beings.

You can’t ignore this shockingly heartwarming picture of a single mother making it on her own in the Big Apple.

Here are three things you’ll never want to read again if you went to Columbia University in the City of New York in the State of New York in the United States of America on the Earth.

Now for some actual news?

Housing Reviews 2015: Broadway

It’s that time of the year again: spring everlasting winter! And that can mean only one thing—the annual installment of Bwog’s housing reviews.  Today, we bring you the lowdown on the most aptly named dorm on campus: Broadway.

Location: 556 West 114th Street. Housing, facilities, and WikiCU will say 2900 but 556 is what you want to tell the delivery guy.

  • Nearby dorms: Hogan, Ruggles, Carman
  • Stores and restaurants: MoWi, BoSchwo, Amir’s, Haagen Daaz, Starbucks, Nussbaum & Wu, pretty much all of Broadway

Cost:

  • $7,640 (same as McBain, Wien, Schapiro, Furnald)

Amenities:

  • Bathrooms: Communal bathrooms; two women’s and two men’s on each floor
  • AC/Heating: Heat and AC, and you have the power (to control it)!
  • Kitchen/Lounge: Small kitchen on each floor with a more spacious lounge (TV, armchairs, couch) across the hall.
  • Laundry: Laundry in the basement
  • Computers/Printers: Computer lab on the third floor. Eight computers and one printer (for the whole building!!).  Printer breaks often.
  • Gym: None
  • Intra-transportation: Three super fast, super state-of-the-art elevators
  • Wi-Fi: Yes
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Hardwood in the rooms, carpet in the hallways and lounge. Tile in the bathroom, kitchen, and area in front of the elevator.

Tell me more about Broadway!

CU Admissions Decisions Mailed
Off they go!

Off they go!

It’s that time of the year again—when high school seniors hear back from our dear University about whether or not they will walk its hallowed halls in the fall. The following statement was released this afternoon. Send condolences or congratulations as needed and try not to dredge up any memories of high school.

Total number of applicants: 36,250
Total number of students admitted: 2,228

Admit Rate: 6.1%

Statement from Jessica Marinaccio, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions and Financial Aid:

“We are excited to release acceptances today to students chosen from the largest applicant pool in Columbia history. Over the past few months, the admissions staff has reviewed tens of thousands of applications, looking for students who not only have impressive academic records, but also have character and commitment, a dedication to positively impacting the world and boundless intellectual curiosity—all qualities that we believe are quintessentially Columbian.

“These 2,228 students are bright, innovative, thoughtful, and inquisitive. They are leaders and thinkers who have made a difference in their own communities and who will continue to do so here, as have the more than 250 classes of Columbians before them. They hail from all 50 states, Washington, D.C., the territories and 76 countries around the world. We are confident that the diverse backgrounds, experiences and voices that the members of the Class of 2019 will bring with them to Morningside Heights will shape this community in significant and wonderful ways.”

And as tradition goes:

A Late Review Of Spring Latenite

11062101_1819946648231311_8951879269539803685_nThis year, we ignored our haphazardly implemented tradition of making the outgoing EIC review the semi-annual Latenite comedy show, and instead we sent an under-qualified daily editor to check it out. Mason Amelotte thusly brings you his review of Latenite Theatre: Spring 2015 Anthology.

This year’s three night spring anthology showcased nine short plays that were written and directed by students, for students, as was realized after noticing the bemused expressions of the few parents scattered throughout the audience when a play featuring two “bros” revolved around understanding the term “Yaaasss.” This year’s anthology was a fairly cohesive show that, for the most part, depicted contemporary issues in a subversive, satirical manner. Latenite offered a unique collection of plays that varied in form, ranging from a musical-parody of Les Miserables titled “Les Miserweedless,” to a 90-second dinner party at “Madame Sequester’s” that completely obliterated the fourth wall, much to the audience’s pleasure.

The nine shows maintained a good (read: minimum) level of Columbia-centric content (after all, isn’t that what the Varsity Show is for?). The first and only play to take place in Butler, titled “Butler’s Eleven,” kicked off the show with an exaggerated depiction of what happens when someone in the reference room asks the age-old question “hey can you watch my stuff?” What proceeded to ensue was nothing short of an exciting Kubrick homage that can only be described as a whimsical, more kinky manifestation of the Inferno. Three Butler laptop vigilantes, two Sia dancers, one PrezBo face mask, and some hula hoops later, the audience was being showered in free condoms and lube, while our loyal Butler patron writhed on the floor, protecting her neighbor’s laptop. The short ended with an all too real one-liner: “This isn’t even a fucking Macbook.”

Performed later, “Sweet Dreams” added some much needed millennial humor to the anthology. Written by Eric Donahue, the skit took place at a viral content firm responsible for coming up with the clickbait articles that tend to litter Facebook. After all was said and done, two recent hires discover the source of all things viral on the internet: a comatose individual called “Ideastream” kept in the basement of the viral content firm under a white linen bed sheet. As someone who is enamored by the metaphysical concept of clickbait, this play had me on my knees.

Read more professional theatre critiques after the jump

Housing Reviews 2015: River

It’s that time of the year again: spring everlasting winter! And that can mean only one thing—the annual installment of Bwog’s housing reviews.  Today, we’re channeling the Talking Heads and “taking you to the River.”

Location: 628 West 114th Street (colloquially known as River)

  • Nearby dorms: Schapiro, Broadway, Hogan
  • Stores and restaurants: That one Halal cart, Amir’s, M2M, Morton Williams, pretty much anything on Broadway

Cost: 

  • $8,522/year (same as Wallach, Harmony, and Nussbaum)

Amenities:

  • Bathrooms: Four shared, gender-inclusive bathrooms per floor
  • AC/Heating: There’s definitely heating, but there’s no AC.
  • Kitchen/Lounge: There are two lounges/kitchens per floor, which amounts to one kitchen/lounge per “suite” (aka a side of one floor). Each of the lounges contains a refrigerator, an oven with a gas range, a dishwasher, a microwave, a dining table that comfortably seats four, a couch or two with some coffee tables, some extra chairs, and a television.
  • Laundry: 4 semi-operational washers and dryers, all located in the basement
  • Computers/Printers: Computer lab with one printer located in the basement
  • Gym: Fitness room available in the basement
  • Intra-transportation: One elevator and a stairwell. The basement is only accessible by the elevator.
  • Wi-Fi: Yes
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Hardwood
  • Facilities: Bathrooms are cleaned once weekly by a maintenance crew. Recycling also comes by once a week. However, the cleanliness of the kitchens and the disposal of trash in dorm rooms are the resident’s responsibility.

What about room variety?

SGA Speaks Those Magic Words: Free Food
We can't tell if that really looks like ice cream

We can’t tell if that really looks like ice cream

Barnard Bearoness Maddie Stearn is so committed to the game that she covered last night’s SGA meeting BEFORE she knew about the free food. Check out what went down regarding election announcements, Town Halls, and more in this Tuesday’s SGA meeting roundup. 

On Monday evening in the hallowed halls of the Diana Café, magic words like “elections,” “free food,” and “swag” ignited the air. A screen was wheeled in, the projector adjusted, and notecards were passed around. Anticipation permeated the atmosphere. Suddenly, the lights went up.

Actually, the lights were already on, but that did not deter from the air of excitement. This week’s SGA meeting began with a presentation from Amanda Ruiz, Sara Heiny, and Sarah Linden on the Academic Curricular Review. As the data collection stage of the ACR comes to a close, the Steering Committee is preparing to present its recommendations for a faculty vote. There will be one final student open session on April 9 from 6:30pm – 8:30pm in Diana LL104. This session will allow the committee heads to present their findings and will have more of a progress report format, as opposed to previous sessions that were more conversation-based. Provost Bell, who attended Monday’s meeting, assured SGA members that nothing is set in stone until the faculty votes on the Steering Committee’s proposal. If Barnard students have any questions, suggestions, or concerns, they can still send an email to sgasaac@barnard.edu.

The meeting continued with exciting updates from Campus Life (*ahem* free food is involved). SGA is having a Town Hall on Tuesday, April 7th from 7pm – 9pm in the Diana Event Oval. The event will address Barnard’s tuition increases, meal plans, and SGA endowment projects, among other topics. Students can submit questions ahead of time using the Google doc. Enthusiasm for the event increased exponentially when Shivani Vikuntam, VP for Campus Life, announced that free Thai Market will be served at the Town Hall.

More news after the jump!

Bwoglines: LOL Edition
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Did someone say GRAPE TOMATOES?!? LOL!!

It was announced yesterday morning that South African writer and comedian Trevor Noah will replace John Stewart later this year as the new host of “The Daily Show.” Noah, who is only 31 years old and a newbie in the American television scene, is expected to give the show a youthful and international spin. (NYTimes)

Here’s some news for all you millennials!! Ever feel like “LOL” is too much a burden for your delicate fingers to type on your device? If you answered yes, then the new Android keyboard is perfect for you! Lazyboard, developed by Prem Adithya, is a keyboard that consists entirely of replies such as “no,” “yeah,” “lol,” and “cool.” (Wired.com)

Jamie Foxx’s jokes about Bruce Jenner’s transition were definitely more “cringe” than they were “lol.” Celebs such as Perez Hilton spoke up about Foxx’s transphobic statements, which Foxx stated during the iHeartRadio Music Awards Sunday night. (HuffPost)

April Fools’ Day is just around the corner!! Check out these GIFs that will be sure to give you some ideas for how to commemorate April 1st. (HuffPost)

 Woman laughing alone with salad via Shutterstock

USenate SAC Votes To Support Divestment From Private Prisons

Tonight, the Columbia University Senate’s Student Affairs Committee (SAC) voted to support Columbia’s divestment from private prisons. Various groups on campus, particularly Columbia Prison Divest, have already urged President Bollinger to divest from private prisons before tonight’s vote. The SAC consists of 25 elected student senators and represents Columbia’s 20 schools and affiliates. Their press release, which can be found below, calls for President Bollinger to recognize student support for divestment, direct the divestment of shares, and announce the divestment decision.

Field Notes: Pucker Up Edition
Are you???

Are you???

It’s getting (somewhat) warmer outside, so everyone’s starting to feel lil’ steamy on the inside. Or, we all can just feel really inspired by the timely finding of an interestingly marketed lip balm product. Pucker up, cause Bacchanal is on the (rainy and cold) horizon, and everyone’s gonna be looking for warmth. Cheers to the weekend before the belligerence that is Bacchanal, and cheers to the after where you’ll hopefully be getting your money back. As we prepare for Big Sean & Co, you are over-encouraged to drop us a Bacchanal line at tips@bwog.com

Meet me 80-20

  • “Watched a belligerent man throw up on the subway in the seat directly across from me @ 4:30 am Saturday night while his drunk significant other laughed at him.”
  • “Met my big <3″
  • “Got a fish for my friends’ room. Went to the Frick Museum hungover AF with my Lit Hum class.”
  • “Saw a traditional Japanese ensemble play; it was pretty rad. Got distracted by a cat at a party and spent most of my time apologizing to it for the drunken manhandling of the other guests.”
  • “Was invited over to someone’s apartment to play board games, which I respectfully declined. Fell asleep in the Hartley sky lounge while reading a copy of Augustine’s confessions I found there. It had a romantic dedication written inside the front cover.”
  • “Visited a pal at Yale for her birthday. Finished a pitcher of sangria in five minutes with my pal’s roommate. Watched my roommate throw up via facetime.”
  • “Went on a weird tinder date // p sure he was drunk at 4 in the afternoon.”
  • “Crashed a Mt. Holyoke trip to NYC. No one suspected that I didn’t belong. Got a free ticket to the Heidi Chronicles out of it.”
  • “Hosted friends from California, who proceeded to flirt the shit out of my friends here.”
  • “​Got pelted in the face by snow in Boston while walking down Commonwealth Ave. Saw my sister for last time before her undergrad commencement in May. Got confused for a Colombian when asked where I was from and I answered Columbia, figuring that the people meant “what school are you from?” so a guy tried to talk to me in Spanish, and I didn’t understand a single word he said.”