May

6

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How you should walk into your 9 am exam tomorrow

How you should walk into your 9 am exam tomorrow

The first day of finals are tomorrow, which means we have a gift for you tonight. It’s not a Sweetgreen discount code, nor is it our roommate’s adderall. Instead we give you this semester’s Orgo Night script (even better than the Orgo exam answer key). Laugh, share with friends, and don’t forget to be offended. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Orgo Night Spring 2016 by Bwog

May

5

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Omar contemplating a Buzzfeed recipe

Omar contemplating a Buzzfeed recipe

SEAS Senior Omar Abboud may not have ever done the goddamn readings, but he learned enough in his time here to teach us a few things–like that it’s probably time to put down the computer and go to sleep.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Omar Abboud, SEAS, Operations Research with a minor in MESAAS (much to my parents’ chagrin), Toronto, Canada / Beirut, Lebanon

Claim to fame: President / dictator of Turath, with other stints at CIRCA, the URC, OMA, Dean Goldberg’s “I care about everyone” committee on race, and the Music Department (I gave up a kidney to appear on stage at Carnegie Hall for 4 minutes).

Where are you going? I’m going to be doing my master’s in Random Numbers and Symbols at this school that rejected me as an undergrad so yea KARMA IS REAL EVERYBODY.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2020?
1) Never separate yourself from where you came from. I grew up in a generation of Muslims and Arabs that had a very rough time in this country. But the moment I compromised my values over things like hockey, sex, and speaking English a certain way, it killed so much of what gave me pleasure and understanding in life. Look at your past fondly, never be satisfied with the knowledge you have, and you will find unexpected sources of meaning in a place as big and confusing as Columbia.

2) Help others rise. Being great comes not from a position or a title but from helping build the future. I view what I’ve dedicated my love to over the past four years with great admiration and appreciation for those that helped me make it here, especially my peers and family. When I got into Columbia, my mom teared up and told me “I feel as though all of us got in,” and I never understood until recently how true that actually was.

3) Columbia, please go to sleep. Just do it.

But we have so much *stuff* to do, Omar!

May

5

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We all know that Butler is far from the best place to be this time of year – it’s crowded, it’s stressful, and you can smell the stink of desperation from halfway across campus. So why not get out? You could go to Avery or LeFrak, attempt studying in bed (a tactic with mixed results) or you could step up your game and walk a few blocks downtown to a location that might not have any Columbia students at all. To help you out, we’ve compiled ten suggestions for off-campus study spots.

1. Filicori Zecchini – corner of 95th St. and Broadway

Coffee cup aesthetic

Coffee cup aesthetic

Features free wifi and modern, quiet, slightly weird music. It’s got a good ambiance, and you can loiter without penalty.

2. Barnes & Noble – corner of 82nd St. and Broadway

Soon, your backpack too could have this luxury view!

Soon, your backpack too could have this luxury view!

A bit of a further walk, but absolutely worth it for the large second floor windowsills. The proximity to the kids’ section is close, though – perhaps not the ideal location for those who need quiet when studying.

More suggestions after the jump

May

5

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Prepare for all the statue jokes you can handle.

Prepare for all the statue jokes you can handle.

Should you stay or should you go? Well, if that’s not a rhetorical question and you’re asking about Orgo Night, the answer is: go! Tonight at 11:59 pm precisely, all hell will break loose in Butler 209: CUMB is putting on its 69th “semi-annual” Orgo Night show/demonstration/what have you.

Bwog will be there, of course, cheering as the performers rag on Spec and trying not to cry when they inevitably drag us through the dirt as well. As the Facebook event says, we can’t force you to CUMB, but you damn well should.

Orgo Night Poster via Facebook Event

May

5

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doing math

Some people are smart, but some people are *smart*. Barnard Senior Emily is one of the latter group and has some Jonah Hill-worthy tips on how to be as much of a moneyBALLER as possible during your time at school. Hint: smoking hookah in Hillel immediately ups your baller status 100 levels.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Emily Blady, Barnard, Applied Math major, from North Woodmere, NY

Claim to fame: I’ve worked with DSpar and the Barnard administration on landing Barnard a new computer science chair (#womeninSTEM) and expanding the quantitative academic programs on this side of the street. Founded Barnard Quant, the Columbia/Barnard chapter of the Association of Women in Mathematics, and the Barnard Shaft and helped run Challah for Hunger!

Where are you going? I’m moving to Detroit right away to work for the Detroit Tigers in Baseball Operations & Analytics (aka I’m a sabermetrician/moneyBALLER/I’m basically Jonah Hill).

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2020?

1)  Stop telling yourself you can’t. I almost didn’t major in math because I thought it would be too hard and that I wouldn’t survive it. I was wrong. I almost didn’t take a number of classes because I thought the curve would squash me. I was wrong. I almost didn’t try programming because I heard that it was hard. This would have been a bad choice. I almost didn’t apply for my dream job because I thought I’d never get it and that the baseball industry wasn’t a place for an Orthodox Jewish girl. But I got it, and I’ll have the chance to see if I was correct on the latter part. My guess: I was wrong. There are a ton of things we all theoretically want or wish we could do. Telling yourself you can’t do it won’t help you get there. A little belief in your abilities will go a long way.

Wow, this actually sounds like good advice…

May

5

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Peter Bailinson

This is the angriest we’ve ever seen Peter

The RA we all dream of shows us Taylor Swift videos and gives us Nutella when we’re crying after our first freshman Chem exam. CC Senior Peter Bailinson is this dream-RA. Read on for the warm, fuzzy feeing your Death-Metal-loving RA never quite gave you.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Peter Bailinson, Columbia College, East Asian Languages & Cultures with an Econ Concentration, Cumberland, Maine

Claim to fame: One-time CCSC president, two-time RA for first-years, full-time advocate for Taylor Swift fans and Nutella enthusiasts everywhere. And I mean everywhere.

Where are you going? First, home to catch up with the Kardashians, and after to travel around southeast Asia for a few months. Then, to Chicago, to revisit my birth place and start work in consulting. Finally, back to school in a few years, hopefully to learn more about the wonderful world of non-profit management.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2020?

1) Try to learn whether people know what they’re talking about or not. They often don’t. Especially in CC seminars.

2) Resilience after failure is hard. While I feel I’ve had a lot of successes at Columbia, I’ve had failures too. Some of them were quite public, but luckily, most were fairly private, including a Varsity Show audition for which I’m very fortunate there’s no hyperlink. And while it sucks to fail, it’s crucially important to figure out how to move past it. Life is way too short to be defined by past failures, or to avoid seeing the upside afterward. And it definitely helps to have an amazing group of friends for your support system.

Relatedly, strive to listen to constructive criticism rather than the trolls and those without good intentions. I guess this sort of goes along with my first point.

Read on for tip 3 and more exclusive info…

May

5

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In a university-wide e-mail, PrezBo has announced that Gerald Rosberg will be Columbia’s new Senior Executive Vice President starting July.

Who is the Senior Executive Vice President?

Well, he is replacing Robert Kasdin, who left the position to go to Johns Hopkins. Kasdin, described by many as the right hand man to PrezBo, had been an administrator under PrezBo when he was at UMich and, at Columbia, was influential in the Manhattanville expansion.

PrezBo, who refers to Rosberg as “Gerry,” wrote in his e-mail that Rosberg will serve as his “trusted advisor, alongside the many senior administrators whose excellent work we all benefit from daily, and as a partner to the Provost, deans, and other administrators in helping us realize our academic and institutional goals.”

PrezBo knows Rosberg from his days as a lawyer, as both men were clerks at the Supreme Court and faculty at UMich’s Law School.

PrezBo’s full e-mail after the jump

May

5

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Certainly more destructive than the alphavirus, a T-Rex loose in NY.

Rexy! We missed you! Also, how do you digest food?

We’ve all had that moment: you’re looking in the mirror, examining your bedraggled second-semester face, and you have that thought: Why don’t I look like Ben Stiller in Night at the Museum, during his prime?? Well, unfortunately, you’re stuck with that embittered mug until you die (or earn enough to get the lines etched into your forehead erased), but you can experience the joys of the classic Stiller film tonight at McAC’s biannual Midnight Breakfast. The schedule for entry:

Barnard Seniors – 11:00pm
All BC IDs- 11:30pm
All BC/CU IDs – 12:00am

Meet us at the main entry of the Diana Center for the best pancakes the BC staff will make all year and to chill with the dinosaurs McAC has promised us. We’re expecting at least one pterodactyl!

Rexy via Wikimedia Commons

May

5

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Beyonce

Jay… don’t do it….

Day three of Reading Week, and the livin’ is easy. Just joking, we’re all dying. Just remember: your week isn’t going as badly as Ted Cruz’s is! And you don’t even have to kill all those people–being the Zodiac Killer must be hard work…

Bwogline: If you haven’t been listening to Beyonce’s Lemonade on repeat this entire week, we don’t know what to say to you. If you have, just know that Jay Z is reportedly working on a “response” to the album, which some critics have been calling a “diss track” directed at him. How is he going to respond? Some potential lyrics he could rap: “Hey Beyonce I am sorry/So so sorry/Please love me/Make your fans stop tweeting me with death threats/Thanks honey.” (Missopen)

Study Tip: Fill your body with food that’s actually good-tasting/moderately healthy/affordable: try a falafel sandwich from Amir’s. Under $6 gets you the best falafel this side of 96th street. Make sure to drink lots of water to wash that down! No one likes that kid who passes out in Butler and creates a traffic jam as they’re taken out on a gurney…

Procrastinate: If you’ve never heard of Mirek’s Cellebration, read this and watch until your eyes stream with the kind of patterns you were seeing an hour into your last Chem exam, but prettier. (This requires a non-OS X computer–time to haul your sorry butt into the “study lounge!” Or, you could just watch this video. Either one).

Music: A classic to get you subtly shaking in the ref room. This may look disturbing to nearby students, shake it with caution.

Overheard: A desk attendant defending Bernie’s advanced age saying “We all voted for Obama cause he looked young you know we could relate to him, then two years into the presidency he starts looking like Obi-Wan Kenobi and shit, people AGE MAN.” Real.

Queen Bey via Wikimedia Commons 

 

May

5

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This has nothing to do with course evals. We just have nothing left to say to you.

This has nothing to do with course evals. We just have nothing left to say to you.

Sure, when you didn’t fill out your course evals earlier tonight, we thought you were at 1020 and just couldn’t do it. Even at 3 AM, we thought, hey, maybe they’re still out trying to have a fun night, who are we to remind them about something so extraneous but simple. But it’s 5 AM and you haven’t done them yet. We know you’re back and you’ve seen this. Yet your course evals go untouched.

We hope you’re happy with yourself. You could have prevented this.

May

5

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You at 1020, having a good time, thinking about your course evals.

You at 1020, having a good time, thinking about your course evals.

Hey, you haven’t done your course evaluations yet. We reminded you about three hours ago, but you must not have seen it…right? You didn’t see that reminder, did you? Yeah, of course—what are we saying! You’re still at 1020, enjoying a second night off during Reading Week. That’s why we just want to remind you again to fill out your course evaluations. Just put some thoughtful sentences in response, help your professor out, and see your grades earlier. Not hard, yeah?

The deadline’s coming up, and, honestly, it’s just rude to not give your professor feedback. But we know you’ll have them in within the next couple of hours. We’ve been around for awhile, and we think we know the Columbia student body enough to definitively say you’ll complete them shortly. We don’t want to be annoying with these reminders, so prove us right!

Please.

“I loved their teaching style as much as this wine” via Otto Seitz / Public Domain

May

5

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There's something you meant to do, right? Oh, yeah, course evals!

There’s something you meant to do, right? Oh, yeah, course evals!

Hey guys, we know that finals are among us and if you’re not passed out, in a booth at 1020, trying to study, or doing some mixture of the three, you should fill out your course evaluations. While the evals will appear “anonymous” to your professors, they can still read what you write. So don’t go too far. Or, if you’re really frustrated—looking at you, Mowsh bio kids—use this as a platform for expressing your discontent. Just remember, constructive criticism is best!

Your professors want to teach better and grow as academics, for the most part. It’s sorta their job, after all. So fill out those course evals! You won’t regret it.

Pondering whether to curse at your prof via martinak15 / CC-BY-2.0

May

4

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Marc Heinrich (1)

USenator, Loyal Friend, and feckless comment-reader Marc Heinrich wants to endow you procrastinators with some wisdom. He talks work-life balance, leadership, and asbestos, among other topics. Check out our other wisdoms for more ruminations.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Marc Heinrich, Columbia College, Political Science & History, New York, NY

Claim to fame: University Senator, AEPi Brother, semester-long EIC of the Undergraduate Law Review, Proud Bacardi Enthusiast, Sofia Vergara fan (I once woke up at 5:30 am to see her)

Where are you going? Moving to Washington D.C. and going into consulting (I know, shocking coming from Columbia).

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2020?

1. Be a Good and Loyal Friend. I really can’t stress this one enough, and I always try to remember this as I interact with people. If someone you’re close to needs help, you should drop everything to do so. Your paper can wait and you can come back early from whatever bar you’re at (hopefully not 1020), but being there for the people you care about is really the most important personality trait someone can have. It’s also what separates a regular friendship from one who will truly mean a lot to you past Columbia. The only times I’ve ever stayed up past 5am at Columbia have been to help friends with issues they were having and I’ve never once regretted it.

More wiz after the jump

May

4

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Our notes at the beginning of the year....

Our notes at the beginning of the year….

It’s Reading Week, you’re looking through your notes, and you realize much of what you scribbled down is illegible, strange, or undecipherable. Even more of it is just amusing. Below are some of your classmates’ notes, which are by turns sad, excited, mean, and strangely enough, helpful. 

Life Mottos

  • “Mitochondria Are the Powerhouse of the Cell.” (in five different places during Bio)
  • “Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.”
  • Taking up two lines of notebook space: “What about circlejerks”
  • “what is shrek”
  • “hello it’s me communism here to take ur cows eat ur grain oppress ur friends shit on ur rights”

Classmates (and Professors): Can’t Live With Them

  • “[White guy in class]: ‘being a minority is hard'”
  • “Two random dudes in 1900 debate the penis/universe size”
  • “At an elite university the worst thing to say is to call someone elitist. Interesting”
  • “Let’s talk about beastiality!”
  • “We’re listening to Cabinet Battle #1 from Hamilton instead of getting historical context on The Federalist Papers”

What other useless bits of information have we written down?

May

4

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Eva Kalikoff (1)

Still scribbling out her thesis, Barnard senior and “self-hating Jew” Eva Kalikoff took a few minutes to share some thoughts about activism, sushi, and Senior Scramble. Let her wisdom blow you away, and peruse our library of knowledge at your leisure. 

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Eva Kalikoff, Barnard College, Comparative Literature, Hastings-on-Hudson, NY

Claim to fame: I spent a lot of time shouting about separating zionism from Judaism, both on College Walk and Facebook. I created a Jewish community for people with dissenting opinions on Israel, while simultaneously being called a Nazi and a self-hating Jew by parents who should not be allowed on the internet and my beloved fellow classmates at this glorious elitist institution (@Kraft Center what’s good???). I tweeted angrily throughout the 600 fire of 2015, which quickly squashed the possibility for realizing any culinary ambitions that involved an oven, and also saw the end of Ollie’s (RIP MSG in everything). I started as an idealistic Spec City News reporter with ambitions of Managing Board glory. Instead, I watched that corporatized ship sink in front of me. I learned a lot about local politics and Community Board 7 along the way, though.

Where are you going? Get back to me after I’ve turned in my thesis.

Tips and insight after the jump

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