Bwoglines: High School Problems Making The News Edition
And in high school news...

And in high school news…

The curfew in Baltimore, which was instated in response to the events over the past few weeks, was lifted yesterday. The National Guard is starting to retreat from the city as well. (Baltimore Sun)

Every bad health class in high school gone even more wrong: Ebola can now be transmitted through unprotected sex with treated patients. Does this make Ebola an STI? STD? (Times of India)

Prospies reading Bwog: don’t take your senior prank too far. (ABC Arizona)

The kid you secretly hated (because he got into all 8 Ivies) is going to Harvard. Peace to the Northeast and you never have to see him again! (Business Insider)

Staple of suburban America via Shutterstock

 

CUSS Presents: Gone Girl

You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s…gone. This week, Bwog Weather says goodbye in their final segment of the semester to the tune of our favorite 2014 psychothriller. Be sure to check out CUSS on Facebook and Instagram, and stay tuned for the season finale coming next Sunday!

Gone Girl from Bwog on Vimeo.

Senior Wisdom: Hari Nef
Hari Nef

Hari Nef

With the weekend wrapping up, we bring you a Senior Wisdom from Hari Nef to give you something to procrastinate with in Butler.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Hari Nef, Columbia College, Drama & Theater Arts (Acting Concentration), Newton, MA

Claim to fame: Fun and trans!

Where are you going? Rehearsal…

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

  1. You are enough.
  2. You owe it to yourself to study something you love very, very deeply.
  3. Your life is long.

“Back in my day…” I don’t remember anything before Dig Inn…

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Google me lol

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Acting Comedy, Advanced Acting Lab, and Acting Chekhov with Charise Greene. Even if you’re not a theater major, her studio acting classes will make you a stronger, more functional person.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? “Pose to Be” by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko 2:13

One thing to do before graduating: Slam the door!

Any regrets? Regrets? Is it 2014?

Bwog Meeting Tonight!

The Fro Sci final Mother’s Day is next Sunday, which means now is the perfect time to get ~crafty~ and show your mom, sister, grandma, aunt, teacher, friend, mentor, or really any other maternal-like figure in your life how much you love her (or him!). What better way to show your support than with some DIY gifts? Come to the weekly Bwog meeting tonight at 7PM in the SGO (Room 505) of Lerner, where we’ll teach you how to make heart-shaped melon kebabs, rose cupcake bouquets, and custom heart-shaped throw pillows. Snacks and pipe cleaners will be provided, and all are welcome to attend!

Bucket List: End Of The Semester Edition
U.S. Gov't: "How do we get more tax revenue from this transaction?"

U.S. Gov’t: “How do we get more tax revenue from this transaction?”

Bucket List represents the immense academic privilege we enjoy as Columbia students. This week, take an hour to go to an event. You might just learn something useful for an exam or paper. Our recommendations are below, and the rest of the list can be found below the jump. As always, if we’ve made a mistake or left anything noteworthy off the list, please let us know in the comments. 

Recommended

  • “Digits and Treasuries: How to Address the Fiscal Challenges of the Digital Economy?” Monday 5:00-6:30 pm, Buell Hall (East Gallery). Pierre Collin, Martin Collet.
  • “Influence of the Latino Vote.” Tuesday 6:30-8:30 pm, 1512 IAB. Rodolfo de la Garza, Maria Eugenia Alcon, Tomas Lopez. Register.
  • “Mark Van Doren Teaching Award and Lionel Trilling Book Award Ceremony.” Wednesday 6:00-8:00 pm, Faculty Room (Low). Prof. Austin Quigley, Prof. Zainab Bahrani. Register.
  • “Prolegomena on Artistic Forgery in the Middle Ages.” Tuesday 6:30-8:30 pm, 612 Schermerhorn. Robert Maxwell.

Go see some events this week!

Bwoglines: Bernie Sanders Edition
"The last time I had an erection was in Vietnam"

“The last time I had an erection was in Vietnam”

Bernie Sanders announced that he’s running for president in the 2016 election. At the age of 73, however, he’s more likely to be seen leisurely hobbling. (Politico)

Bernie Sanders raised $1.5 million in 24 hours. One thing he couldn’t raise? Himself up after he slipped in the bath tub last night. (CNN)

Bernie Sanders wants to raise taxes for social security…Is it because all his friends are old? (Think Progress)

Like PrezBaby Prezbo, Bernie Sanders has had some great hair moments. Check ‘em out here. (Washington Post)

*Doesn’t actually know what he’s looking at* via Washington Post

USenate Approves Changes to Rules of Conduct
But how will they protect Bwoggers??

But how will they protect Bwoggers??

Observer of the student bureaucracy Joe Milholland brings us word from the most recent meeting of the University Senate.

On Tuesday afternoon, 63 university senators approved changes to the rules of conduct, with one abstention and no opposing votes. The new rules of conduct, among other things, put all rules violations in a single internal process heard by a board consisting of students, faculty, and administrators. Christopher Riano, co-chair of the committee that wrote the changes, said at the senate plenary that the changes brought Columbia in “parity” with peer institutions on this issue.

Riano emphasized that he believed that the changes, while not perfect, were an improvement, and he indicated the rules could go under further revision. Prezbo asked him about how the rules treat media, and Riano responded that the rules have few provisions specifically for the media “because it’s very hard to identify press and non-press.” Columbia College senator Marc Heinrich suggested that future revisions of the rules could provide a media carveout. The rules revisions will go through the Board of Trustees before they are voted on.

Katherine Conway, a member of the Commission on the Status of Women, also gave a presentation on the commission’s recent work and findings at the plenary, specifically on the Arts and Sciences. “Basically, humanities and social sciences are at or near – and by that I mean within 10% of – parity in everything except for the tenure faculty body,” Conway said. The tenured faculty, however, have been the same or gone down lately for the humanities and social sciences. “Natural sciences has a different story where they have the lowest representation of women on the tenured faculty, but they have gone on an uptick recently in part through tenuring of the untenured track. But they are much further from parity currently in the untenured and have a particularly pronounced dip in the percent of untenured faculty.”

Conway also noted that more women come into the tenured faculty through internal rather than external hire, except for in social sciences. “It’s going to take natural sciences on the order of 80 years to come to parity if we maintain this trend. Social sciences is more like fifty years, and humanities is on track to be at parity in ten years. That’s assuming the plateau they’ve been in for the last few years doesn’t continue.”

The Commission recommended that Columbia collect more data, such as on the work life of women at Columbia and their quality of life. They also recommended in their report “a continued focus on diversity in hiring” as well as a greater focus of retaining women in Columbia’s academic pipeline.

Updates:

  • Co-Chair of the Student Affairs Committee Zila Acosta announced the accomplishments of the President’s Advisory Committee on Sexual Assault (PACSA): they clarified “their mission and purpose,” improved their internal organization, created a “robust” system to solicit feedback
  • A Columbia admins said that the administration will “came to some reasonable conclusions that we will work on next year” about anonymous comments on course evaluations and title IX investigations.

Accurate depiction of campus journalism via Shutterstock

Go To The Varsity Show: Bwog Reviews Almageddon
V121

V121

Arts Editor Joseph Powers brings you Bwog’s review of The 121st Varsity Show, as well as some thoughts of his own.

V121 opens on ambitious RA and plucky heroine Gwen Ross (Gabrielle Bullard, BC ’18) returning from a semester spent abroad. She is anxious to return to her Columbia home, and we, the audience, look forward to joining her in our own return to the upbeat escapism of the Varsity Show.

The curtains open on the show, and we are led into hell.

Columbia has devolved into a battleground of angry factions. The Football Players for Social Justice literally battle the Columbia University Radical Misogynists for meeting space. Roaree’s head is brandished on a pike. Alma is soon decapitated herself.

Our peppy Gwen Ross sees opportunity in the chaos—the chance to personally bring Columbia back together. However, the administration, and the delightfully dastardly Suzanne Goldberg (Skylar Gottlieb, BC ’16), have a plan of their own: send disgruntled students elsewhere using a technologically advanced magic box, to be replaced by eager transfers.

Writers Alexandra Horn (BC ’16) and Bijan Samareh (CC ’15) make use of these fantastical elements, but wisely do not allow them to define their show. Instead, having established this hellscape, they let it serve as a backdrop, focusing their attention on the lives of their characters, and not just on the ways their world is changed. For the most part, this world actually looks remarkably like our own Columbia. Students are worn down by stress and the constant rejection of ill-conceived romantic advances. In an energetic musical number they debate passionately, then righteously, in an Introduction to Women and Gender Studies course, and can’t help but let growing disdain develop into confused attraction (“Love’s More Fun”). These students are irritated by pseudo-intellectual post-hookup pillow talk but find comfort in nights of real intimacy spent with their friends. And when they are woken up by the birth control alarm the next morning, they seriously consider raising a baby (or selling it) for the chance to sleep in. All of these minor references in the show touch on Columbia students’ realities, drawing a clear parallel between our world and the world of the show, hellish though it may seem.

The ensemble achieves this realism while still managing to characterize it with humor. Rapidly switching between roles, its members bring a sense of individuality to the characters they portray while still working together and playing off of each other. It is a challenge to identify any clear stand out members, not because there were no exceptional performers, but because the uniform distribution of talent. My personal favorite was Varun Kumar (SEAS ’16), for his range of expressions and pitch perfect line readings (“We are the Trusteeeeeees”), but yours might just as easily be April Cho (CC ’17) for her impression of a Dartmouth transfer, or Sophie Laruelle (CC ’17) for her satire of CUMB’s ‘revolutionary’ humor.

For most of the show, the two leads feel like a part of this ensemble, just two more characters appearing to make a point or a joke, standing apart only at rare moments to drive the plot forward. This is not to say they don’t play their parts well. Bullard captures the subtlety of her character, slowly revealing a pragmatic idealist who must overcome her pride and thoughtlessness to realize her goals (impressive even before considering that she is only a first-year student). As her anarchist romantic counterpart, Arrow, Isaac Calvin (CC ’17) walks the fine line between charmingly obnoxious and obnoxiously charming.

More on how we thought this year’s show went next.

How To Avoid Being Inconvenienced By Commencement
Jokes on them

Joke’s on them

The Class of 2015 may rock, but commencement set-up sucks. For everyone. For the time being, while we still have one day of class left. But have no fear! Bwog is at your side, with ways to get around bleachers and tents and still make it to class on time.

Obstacles:

  • Low Plaza will be blocked off to pedestrian traffic due to bleacher set-up.
  • There will be tents next to Dodge Hall, Schermerhorn and, of course, on the South Lawns.

Timing, with Low Plaza clear: 

  • Hamilton 5 to Hamilton exit: 1 min. on average, especially with after-class crowds
  • Hamilton to NoCo, cutting across Low Steps diagonally: 5 min. on average. Can be longer, since area between Pupin Plaza and Low can get very congested

Timing, with Low Steps blocked: 

  • Hamilton to NoCo, cutting across College Walk and walking up staircase to Dodge Hall, then following paths to Pupin Plaza: 7 min. on average.

Conclusions: 

  • As seen from the maps, with Low Plaza blocked, it can take an extra minute to cross campus (total distance = 0.3 mi).
  • This extra minute can be the difference between being on-time and late to your class, if you have to deal a lot of foot traffic on the route. So if you have to travel somewhere along this route, plan accordingly.
  • Commencement set-up thus causes a 1-min. delay on average, the time it takes, at a normal pace, to walk a New York City north-south block.
  • Keep in mind that Google Maps calculates only the most efficient route given a straight path.

Vocation via Shutterstock

Senior Wisdom: Simone Norman
Simone Norman

Simone Norman

Up next for Senior Wisdoms, we bring you Barnard’s resident funny gal, Simone Norman.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Simone Norman, Barnard, Psychology/Linguistics major and Italian minor, from Eastchester, New York

Claim to fame: Recent president of Chowdah Sketch Comedy, current Co-President of Control Top Improv, various XMAS!’s and other hot theater stuff. If you took Intro to Psych I probably tested you for my study in the Speech Perception Lab.

Where are you going? Staying in Morningside, baby! I have to take a few post-bacc classes & the GRE to get ready for grad school in Speech Pathology.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

  1. Never turn down free wine! even if you gotta drink it right before your Italian convo class and it makes all your sentences into slurred compliments of your sultry Venetian professor.
  2. Our campus mascots are paid more than probably most of working-class America. (Though I am not in any way disparaging Millie or Roarie!!! you guys fucking rule and I wish I could have donned your sweaty fur suits to jump around our sporting events)
  3. The first floor bathroom in Barnard Hall is the perfect spot for the ol’ selfie-on-the-toilet moment. Sometimes your day just needs one of those.

More on ladyprov and birthday cake bagels next.

Bwoglines: Nihilism Edition
All ye know on Earth

All ye know on Earth

Representatives of the Afghan government are set to attend talks with the Taliban as the militant group ramps up its attacks across the country. The dignity of a nation falters before desperate reason as a decade of war comes to compromise. (Wall Street Journal)

Crime and civil strife in the Philippines have seen marked declines ahead of Manny Pacquiao’s historic fight with American boxer Floyd Mayweather. Nothing like a good fight to stop the fighting. (TIME)

Paul McCartney compared his creative experiences with Kanye West to the ones he had with John Lennon. Cue hand-wringing, apathy. (People)

An article about the “Bridgegate” scandal in the Christian Science Monitor makes use of the word “whither.” (Christian Science Monitor)

Alpha and omega via Shutterstock

Columbia Power Rankings: April 2015
Mighty

Mighty

You wanna be on top? We compile the best — to the worst — of Columbia this past month. We were generously tipped this concept and accept the challenge. 

  1. Hillary Clinton. It’s no secret that she’s getting started. Former Secretary of State under #1 Columbia alum Obama and one-time First Lady began her second presidential run this April, angling for the Democratic nomination (and your vote) come 2016. She also made the keynote speech at the annual Dinkins Forum this week at Columbia; you can see photos of her visit here and tweets from the speech on our Twitter.
  2. International. Finals are a hard time for everyone, but made easier for those of the legal drinking age. There’s a story somewhere in those finals-week(s) sale spikes.
  3. President Bollinger. Has anyone heard from him lately? Let’s take the silence and lack of controversy as optimistic signs. Has anyone seen the Audi on Morningside Drive or College Walk? He must be in a good place right now.
  4. The Class of 2019. Whether you are a current Columbia student (and have joined one of the ’19 Facebook groups to remind yourself of a less jaded time) or yet pre-frosh (and a member of one of those groups to prematurely ingratiate yourself with some chronic stressed-out community), there lie good and bad ahead.
  5. Spirit events. Very neutral. There have been prospective student days on campus, senior fund tablings, and too many Barnard and (imminent) SEAS spirit days/weeks/freebies. Do the free water bottles, temporary tattoos, and T-shirts negate the hordes of high school tour groups? Does the bouncy house presently on Lehman Lawn warrant higher ranking?
  6. Dig Inn. Not looking so hot any more. Is anyone else getting tired of the weird chicken smell when they pass the restaurant? Is anyone else tired of plates over-saturated with olive oil?
  7. Seniors. We’ll miss you, but you’re on the way out. Hopefully on to great things, though maybe hung up on graduate school direction or future employment. Maybe still even hung up on theses. Let’s glean what wisdom we can from this Class of 2015.
  8. Dr. Oz.
  9. President Obama’s future Presidential Library. We’ll be bitter for a while.
  10. The spring 2015 semester. R.I.P. harried and hurried assignments, take-home quizzes, recitation sections, discussion sections, Met visits, labs, professor evaluations, midterms, TAs, taking 22 credits, taking 12 credits. We’re moving on. It’s been fun, but it’s basically over.

Man doing power gesture via Shutterstock.

Down To Earth
shutterstock_140940733

Ready to disrobe

As your week comes to a close, we at Bwog offer you our regular bit of Friday respite, and this week a bit of respite from the regular. As always, if you seek hard journalism, a bit of campus culture, or the latest scandal waiting to happen, look elsewhere (we recommend here, here, and here respectively). If you are looking for a good story however, may we present a piece from an anonymous Bwog correspondent and nature-lover. 

No one takes notice of me. But I watch. They are all on edge. Something is shifting and they find it unsettling. Some are wearing shorts, goose bumps lining their skin as they wrap their arms around sun-deprived shoulders. Others pull at their collars, shedding overcoats but still sweating through ill-chosen sweaters. Only I am at ease. This day, these changes stirring the air, it all means something.

I have been waiting so long for this moment. I have dreamt of it, suffering through fitful dreams of cravings I cannot fully satisfy. These dreams intrude upon my waking hours as images line my mind’s eye and anticipation clutches at my heart. Today I am free. No, today I am finally alive.

I wait for the crowds to subside. I am anxious but not emboldened enough to engage in exhibition. The last straggler runs into a nearby building and the door slams shut. The echo reverberates through my body and I get chills down my spine. It’s time.

It all comes off, after the jump.

Breaking: Bacchanal Officially Approved

Despite campus-wide rumors, it appears Bacchanal has been approved for the coming year. This news comes with the official announcement of the incoming Bacchanal board.

While we are sure much can be made of the return of Ben Kornick as Co-President, and though we are certain the administration will handle this upcoming year with anything but tact, empathy, or understanding of human behavior, today, we at Bwog raise our chosen beverage (and/or paraphernalia) in salute to Alma and the coming year.

Via the official Bacchanal Facebook page:

We are excited to introduce our 2015-2016 Bacchanal Executive Board and announce that we have been officially been approved to hold next year’s spring concert, Bacchanal 2016! We are looking forward to planning the show and working to make it better than ever. We would like to thank our 2014-2015 Bacchanal Executive Board, and of course, thank all of you for supporting us throughout the year. Good luck on finals, enjoy all the wonderful opportunities to see live concerts, and have a great summer, Columbia!
2015-2016 Bacchanal Executive Board
Co-President – Benjamin Kornick
Co-President – Jared Weiss
Concert Chair – Tyler Allen
Concert Chair – Nza-Ari Khepra
Publicity Chair – Madeline Kim
Treasurer – Vivi Hyacinthe
Secretary – Simi Olagundoye
Outreach Chair – Michal Ashkenazi
Safety Chair – Jesse Van Marter
Tech Chair – Renetta Walcott

Senior Wisdom: William Holt
William Holt

William Holt

The Senior Wisdoms just keep on coming. Sharing some insight from one of the Blue and White’s very own, Will Holt imparts his wisdom upon Columbia.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: William Holt, Columbia College, Political Science, Bridgewater, Massachusetts

Claim to fame: Unless you wrote for the Blue and White during the Wagner-Skelding years or currently work for the Columbia Bartending Agency, you probably have no idea who I am.

Where are you going? Back to New England. I’m hoping to get a foothold in the craft beer industry there, either starting out in a taproom or as a distributor. I’ll sweep floors for a living if it will get me in the door somewhere.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

  1. The Columbia Bartending Agency beats the hell out of any work-study job you could ever find on campus. Joining the agency as a freshman was quite possibly the best decision that I made in college, in part because of the window it gave me onto the incredible diversity of life in this city (albeit the limited kind of diversity one finds among people who can afford a bartending service).
  2. Don’t be afraid to take some time off if you think you could use it. Last semester I took an internship at The Boston Globe and can say with some confidence that those six months away from Columbia were invaluable in terms of setting priorities and figuring out the kind of life I’d like to have after college. Seriously, you’re not going to miss anything by stepping away for a little while.
  3. Bitterness won’t get you anywhere. I went through most of my time at Columbia with a chip on my shoulder, and I can’t say that ever helped me.

Will shares the importance of getting out of Manhattan next.