CUSS Presents: Colonial Columbia

To help us get through a long night of studying for the impending week, our dear friends at CUSS put together yet another brilliant video. Check it out below. Talk about a throwback Sunday, huh?!

Colonial Columbia from Bwog on Vimeo.

Looking Back From The Past With Les Délices
Delightful indeed

Delightful indeed

Baroque buff Henry Litwhiler shines rare appreciation on the elegance of Ohio-based group Les Délices.

Saturday’s concert, entitled “Myths & Allegories,” came as part of Miller Theatre’s “Early Music” series, which speaks volumes about the Theatre’s narrow sense of time. It was undoubtedly only with great difficulty that the Theatre capped the series with the baroque instead of extending it through the Ford presidency.

Of course, if the music is coming from after 1600 and before 1970, it had better be obscure. Bach may be permitted only with special lensing, and if we’re going to humor the 1700s there had better be a more-than-tenuous connection to a still-more-distant past. Thus we find ourselves with “Myths & Allegories,” a token program of baroque, graced by such household names as Jean-Féry Rebel, François Chauvon, Thomas-Louis Bourgeois, and Elisabeth Jacquet de la Guerre, and tied together by a concept, like any good modern program.

Mercifully, this concept was a concrete one: the story of Ulysses, “with a focus on a love triangle between the witch Circe, Ulysses, and his wife Penelope.” The link between the works in the program and the concept was at times tenuous, but that might be expected when one limits oneself to composers who lack substantive Wikipedia articles yet still produced pieces worth listening to.

Intentionally selecting such obscure composers, the group no doubt understood, carries with it the risk of seeming to put on airs. And whereas well-known composers have had their complete works picked apart by scholars, their pieces practically ranked by the global musical community, Friday’s repertoire was relatively untested, and consequently demanded that the audience—not music critics—answer the question: Is this worth listening to?

To my mind, the answer in each case was a surprising yes. It’s probably reductive to say that Les Délices selects obscure works for the same reason that your third-favorite WBAR show doesn’t play music you can find on iTunes. A group of their caliber and talent probably has higher aims in mind than winning the great race to obscurity.

Still, there is something beautiful in performing a piece many might have called dead, in giving not just a work but a person another shot at expression. We might reasonably question the artistic merits of Rebel or Chauvon—competence is a weak substitute for innovation, in the eyes of history—but there’s something undeniably romantic about preserving a labor that may have carried some significance for some people at some point.

But Les Délices went further. In Friday’s performance, the group bathed these rarely-heard pieces not only in the honor of (brilliant) performance but in context. By using each work as a step in the Odyssey‘s journey, Les Délices gave each piece meaning beyond its original intentions and in doing so joined the original composers in their creation. Even if the highly respectable technical abilities of the group are set aside, witnessing such a feat should fill anyone with awe.

Modern Frankensteins via Miller Theatre

Bwog Meeting Tonight!

Get your anchors ready girls, because tonight is Bwog’s Semi-Annual Big/Little Reveal!

This will take place during our weekly chapter meeting tonight at 7PM in Lerner’s SGO (Room 505). Anyone is welcome to attend and light refreshments will be served!

Join us tonight as we discuss housing and Bacchanal, and find out which one of these lovely members will be your big!

An Interview With NCAA Epee Winner Jake Hoyle
GOLDEN AGE BOYS

“We have potentially started a new dynasty at Columbia.”

Bwog: You’re a junior. You won the individual men’s epee title and led our team to an NCAA championship. You’re on top of the world… now what?

Jake: Obviously, it feels great to win the team and individual title as a junior. In terms of what now, it’s just the same thing that I’ve been doing for the last couple years to ensure that next year goes just as well. One feels great, don’t get me wrong, but two would be even better. Goals haven’t really changed.

B: How would you describe the team atmosphere?

J: Everyone on our team is really close, especially compared to other fencing teams. In terms of friendships and how we work together of fencing, we all get along really well. I’d say more than half the team lives with each other in doubles or suites. That’s something that started after I arrived at Columbia. We have a very large junior class, and before this class, we didn’t have a great atmosphere, it was pretty disjoint, we didn’t have full squads [multiple high-caliber fencers in every starting position) at every weapon. When our year came, it really pushed the team in a different direction, more towards being all-in for fencing, centering your student-athlete experience around the team. Now that our class has been here for two years, we’ve set an atmosphere on the team with very strong bonds, inside and outside of fencing… And Michael Aufrichtig is really coming into his own, he’s only been a coach here for four years, five years maybe. Him coming in and creating a new team and a new attitude definitely contributed to our success.

B: You said, “compared to other fencing teams.” Can you elaborate on that?

J: Clearly, any team is going to be relatively close if they spend a lot of time with each other. But I do think that our team especially has a special bond with each other. I go to these meets, and the other teams are good, they have a lot of camaraderie, but I don’t see the same sort of relationships as we have. In fencing, you can take a timeout in the middle of a bout, and we use that all the time, much more than any other team, really. The advice that we’re giving to each other is great. Everyone has a lot of respect for each other, so we’re able to communicate well because we’re not afraid to say anything to each other.

B: Yeah, sometimes it’s hard for teams to have respect when some players are seeded higher than others.

J: We all train so hard at this, and it can be such an individual sport. Everyone on the team has accomplished something great at some point. You can handpick any fencer from the team, and they have an incredible accomplishment. And everyone knows that. You might be on a squad with someone on the cadet world team, or a junior Olympic champion. There’s a lot of mutual respect, because everyone’s already done so much, and once we get to Columbia, we’re all trying to achieve a collective goal.

B: How does it feel to bring back the legacy?

Bucket List: Arts, Morality And Political Professors
Is this the landscape of the future?

Is this the landscape of a better world?

Bucket List represents the immense academic privilege we enjoy as Columbia students. This week, learn about what your professors were like in the sixties as political activists, and hopefully get them to tell a good story in class. Our recommendations are below, and the full list can be found after the jump. As always, if we’ve made a mistake or left anything noteworthy off the list, please let us know in the comments. 

Recommended

  • “Applied Geography for a Better World.” Monday 2:00-4:00 pm, Buell Hall East Gallery. Jack Dangermond. Register (Photo ID required at check-in).
  • “What is a Moral University in the 21st Century?” Monday 6:15-7:30 pm, 517 Hamilton. Jeffrey Sachs. Register.
  • “The Faculty’s Sixties: Professors and Politics, 1960-1975.” Wednesday 4:30-6:30 pm, Faculty House. Ellen Schrecker.
  • “‘Islamic Art’: Disrupting Unity and Discerning Ruptures.” Thursday 6:00-8:00 pm, 612 Schermerhorn. Nada Shabout, Zainab Bahrani.
  • “A+RT Show.” 6:00-10:00 pm, Groundfloor Gallery (343 5th St., Brooklyn). Frances Cocksedge, Ira Dae Young Kim, Matthew Lafferty, Ava Ravich, Oscar Russakis.

A week of intriguing events awaits you below

Housing Reviews 2015: Ruggles Hall
doesn't it look majestic

(the st)Ruggles

Location: 508 West 114th Street

  • Nearby dorms: John Jay, LLC, Carman, Brownstones, Broadway
  • Stores and restaurants: Strokos, Artopolis, JJs, Hamdel, St. Luke’s (important). It’s basically on Amsterdam, but the blocks immediately around it aren’t the most happening.

Cost:

  • $9,470/year (same as Claremont, EC, Hogan, Watt, Woodbridge, SIC’s, and Brownstones. More money than last year.)

Amenities:

  • Bathrooms: Two full baths in the 6- and 8- person suites.  One full bath in the 4-person suites. They’re nothing special.
  • AC/Heating: No AC. Heating, but not individually controlled by rooms.
  • Kitchen/Lounge: Killin’. Each suite has a large kitchen with a full fridge, oven, stovetop, and microwave. Loooots of cabinet space. Probably the best communal space in all of the dorms.
  • Laundry: 5 washers and 5 dryers in the basement; not great considering all of the students who live here. The laundry room is in the renovated basement, accessible only via elevator.
  • Computers/Printers: Just one printer in the lobby. No computer lab. Bring a laptop.
  • Gym: 2 ellipticals and 2 treadmills, plus a TV.  The ellipticals go first. Not very large, but also not very used. New as of 2013.
  • Intra-transportation: One elevator, one staircase. Be sure to leave room in your schedule for transit.
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Hardwood hallways and rooms.

Room variety:

color coded!

Floor Plan. Color-code represents suites.

  • On each floor:
    • One 4-person all-single suite (on even floors this is the RA suite)
    • One 6-person 2-double/2-single suite
    • Two 8-person suites (either 2-double/4-single or 3-double/2-single).
    • NOTE: The first floor has only one 8-person suite, with 2 doubles, 1 single, and 1 walk-through double. The first floor is weird.
  • Singles in 4-single suites can get as small as 85 square feet, some of the smallest on campus. But 6-person suites have 135 square foot singles, so keep the specific room you’re getting in mind.
  • Doubles don’t have the same variety, all being square and ranging from decent (170 sq. ft.) to good (200 sq. ft.)

What sort of room number do I need?

Bwoglines: Sporty Spice Edition
Sometimes we're all a little Scary Spice

Sometimes we’re all a little Sporty Spice

March Madness is in full swing which means that it’s time for another round of Liewitness News! Which school are you rooting for: University of Phoenix or DeVry University? (Huffington Post)

What scares a New Englander more than Tom Brady jumping off a cliff? Gisele Bündchen posting a Facebook video of Tom Brady jumping off a cliff. (Sports Illustrated)

A Texas high school principal recently forced a student with Down syndrome to stop wearing a varsity Letter jacket simply because “he isn’t on the team.” (USA Today)

The NCAA is really concerned with Indiana’s new “religious freedom law” which allows establishments to deny service to gay and lesbian customers. In case you weren’t aware, the Final Four is in Indianapolis, which is why the NCAA even cares. (CBS Sports)

7/11. 7/11. Seven twice. Man seven twice. As told by Serena Williams. (USA Today)

Sporty spice via Shutterstock

How To: Assert Your Individualism Around Campus
The lake is filled with the tears of the unworthy

The lake is filled with the tears of the unworthy

Navigating the mundanities of campus life can seem like a chore, in no small part because “the mundanities of…life” is more or less the definition of chore. Walking to a class or meal, operating an elevator or staircase, doing laundry—all while preoccupied by the Big Questions we’re meant to be confronting at an institution as illustrious as ours—can grow to be so soul-crushing and automatic that one neither wishes nor needs to be conscious at all.

Thankfully, there are some ways that the enlightened rebels of Columbia University can assert their self-possession even when embarrassed by their circumstances:

Do keep to the left or middle of a walkway, especially around corners. You know who enforces keeping to one side of the road? The policeThe man. Show the world you aren’t afraid.

Don’t march on the right with the neofascist herd.

Do contemplate the depravity of man’s position while sorting out which piece of chicken you want in the dining hall.

Don’t behave as a ravenous beast might, selecting your food with any sense of purpose. There is no purpose—the pigs around you will never understand.

Do take the elevator down from the third floor. Time is, like, a construct, man.

Don’t take the stairs. Ever.

Except: Do up your tweet game on the Ferris staircase. Bonus points for immortalizing the looks of horror on the faces of the plebs behind you with a selfie.

Don’t submit to the lockstep dictates of architects. To create a staircase is to mandate a particular pattern of behavior, to control the bodies of an entire public. Don’t let them get away with it.

Do commandeer a washer for 23 minutes for a single scarf.

Don’t force your neck’s best friend to wallow in the misery of a stain from the foie gras you were eating ironically.

Do fish around in your bag for your ID right in front of the Butler security desk, prompting some to awkwardly reach around you to carry on with their lives.

Don’t plan for the encroachments of the Public Safety state. Act like it’s a surprise that you have to scan into the library and maybe they’ll get the hint that you should be allowed to move through the world unfettered by the shackles of societal identity.

Do hold loud conversations in any hallway, anywhere.

Don’t be silenced by the drones at work in their classrooms, offices, and reading rooms. First Amendment, baby.

Proper brooding via Shutterstock

Bwog Visits Baker: Softball Splits Two With Harvard
we're all hot lbr

We were all wishing for some of this heat

Champion of the sporting life Ross Chapman went to a softball game and lived to tell the tale, sustained only by fevered visions of you, dear reader.

A few squandered offensive opportunities left the Lions low after game one, but a powerful pitching performance by Tessa Kroll helped the Columbia softball team split a cold doubleheader yesterday with the Harvard Crimson.

The Columbia Softball Field (one of the few unnamed fields at Baker) is nestled behind the Columbia Field Hockey Venue and overlooks the Robertson Baseball Field. About 150 people’s worth of bleacher seats sit behind the home dugout, and friends, family, and fans of Harvard and Columbia came out despite the weather for both teams’ Ivy opener. The field is definitely the simplest of all the facilities at Baker – Wi-Fi and restrooms aren’t easily accessible for fans, but the proximity to the players certainly makes up for that. The dugouts were just the right size for the pumped up and often loud teams, and the separation in the middle of the bleachers sufficiently segregated the Crimson faithful from the Columbia fans.

Columbia jumped out to an early lead when Alix Cook chopped an infield single to lead off the first. A sacrifice bunt later, Cook’s sister Kerry ripped a line drive to the gap in right center field to drive in the run and secure the 1-0 score that would hold until the fifth inning. Columbia’s Tonia Wu was strong early, striking out consecutive batters in the second inning and holding Harvard without a strong hit until the fifth. Unfortunately, Harvard’s Laura Ricciardione was even better, retiring 11 straight after Cook’s double.

Stuff heated up in the fifth for both squads. Giana Panariello of the Crimson hit a high fly to right center which bounced off of the outfield wall before finally going over it, just narrowly supplying Harvard with their first run of the game. Columbia had a great chance to break the game open in the next half inning when Taylor Troutt forced an error by the second baseman and Mackensy Lakian, after failing to lay down a sacrifice bunt, pulled a low line drive down the first base line. With that, there were two in scoring position and none out for the 8, 9, and 1 hitters of the Lions. But after Harvard’s third baseman Jillian Leslie made a sliding catch into the dugout to put one out on the board, Ricciardione got the next two hitters to pop up harmlessly.

But could anybody capitalize on the mistakes?

March Madness: Season Of (Unrequited) Love
The evidence.

The evidence.

Clamoring for March Madness coverage? Of course not. You’re Columbia University, and also our mothers. Well, we have some for you anyway, sure to please everyone from the most diehard bracketheads to those who actually attend this school. A Bwog staffer shares her story of love, loss, and basketball brackets. 

The competition is real right now – we may go to a D1 school, but our fellow athletic divisional compatriots are far more concerned with their men in jerseys making it to the top in everyone’s (or no one’s) brackets and hearts. March Madness is real on college campuses, everywhere but here. We manage with dreaming of winning big in some frat’s bracket pool, but what the hell do we know about basketball?

I, too, once asked myself what I knew about basketball, and the immediate answer was that my ex-boyfriend loved it. He was mad about March, I was mad about him, and he put his energy in basketball to distract from a crumbling relationship. And when the competition of promposals once dominated the social scene, I turned to his obsession with the sociology of March Madness: I put a self-made, hand-written March Madness bracket on his locker, with the Final Four letters as the most overplayed high school event in mankind, P-R-O-M.

It was a production of true genius, especially for someone who only made a (real) bracket to prove I was a “cool” girlfriend. Starting with the Round 0f 32, each line where a team would go would be an inside joke, and the prom bracket followed the actual progression of the March Madness 2013 bracket. If my Final Four were to be PROM, Louisville was P, R was Wichita State, O was Syracuse, and M was Michigan (ironically, the school he’d be attending in the fall). Coming up with an inside joke that began with O was harder than most SAT questions that spring. He said yes, and the accolades I received from his senior friends and the 100+ likes on the mandatory mupload made me feel like I’d truly won the game.

We never made it to prom. Exactly week after the big promposal, we broke up. I busted a nut to act like I care only to get dumped and to never go as a junior to senior prom. Shame. I suppose Michigan doubly lost that night.

I sympathize with the 63 teams that lose during this fateful month, as this godforsaken competition brought my first love life to a quick halt. Winning seemed within reach, but one more week in the ranks proved my losing destiny. Dreams of well-liked instragrams crushed, no dead corsage to hang on my bedroom bulletin board to parallel the fading memories of an over-hyped night. Luckily he has the prom bracket poster board somewhere, or else I’d have too much to show for March Madness ruining my sex life. Or maybe he’s thrown it away by now.

Bwoglines: Relics Of A Bygone Era Edition
Same though

Same though

Inexplicably extant smartphone manufacturer BlackBerry (formerly Research In Motion) has announced its lowest quarterly sales in eight years, though it somehow managed to sell 1.6 million handsets over the period. (Financial Times)

Senator Harry Reid has announced that he won’t be seeking a sixth term in 2016, thereby ending what will have been a ten-year stint as Democratic Majority Leader. (Christian Science Monitor)

The now-infamous racist chant shouted by members of the University of Oklahoma SAE fraternity apparently became part of the chapter’s traditions after members learned it at a national SAE leadership event. (Washington Post)

Researchers in California have developed a solution that, when taken as eyedrops, drastically improves night vision for a few hours. The human test subject reported being able to pick out people at 50 meters in near-complete darkness; no word yet on the substance’s long-term effects, if any. (The Independent)

Confirmation of the title via Shutterstock

Official Bacchanal Board Announcement

The Bacchanal Executive Board has released the following official statement with updates to this year’s concert and ticket policy. An addition 2,000 tickets for the lawns will be released in addition an extra 400 Low Plaza tickets. Refunds will be provided for all who bought tickets earlier this month. The full text is included below:

Dear Columbia Undergraduate Students,
We are pleased to announce that with support from campus partners, ABC, and student councils, Bacchanal has decided to refund the cost of previously sold tickets, but not redistribute these tickets. Full refunds, including fees, will be automatic and processed after the concert, in order to keep existing registrations intact within Eventbrite. We are excited to announce that we are able to release 2,000 lawn tickets for both West Field/Butler Lawn, as well as approximately 400 more Low Plaza tickets. We hope this advanced notice will give interested students adequate time to acquire a ticket while availability lasts.

Low Plaza Ticket link: bacchanal2015.eventbrite.com
Lawn Ticket link: Link will be posted on our Facebook event page (link below) on
Monday, March 30th at 3:00 in the afternoon. However, will you not be available to
place an order until 11:00 p.m. on Monday, March 30th
Updates: www.facebook.com/events/1543526082581319/

March 30th, 2015 at 11:00 p.m.- March 31st at 6:59 a.m.
Approximately 200 Low Plaza tickets and 1,000 West Field/Butler Lawn Tickets will be available
On March 31st, 2015 at 7:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. Approximately 200 Low Plaza tickets and 1,000 West Field/Butler Lawn Tickets will be available

Please note: One ticket per student. You cannot have both a Low Plaza and West Field/Butler Lawn ticket.

If you sign up for both, we will invalidate the second ticket. If you have already bought a Low Plaza ticket and would like to cancel your ticket, so that it can be made available to other students, you may do so by going into your Eventbrite account and requesting a refund now through 12 noon on Tuesday, March 31st. Please note, your cancellation will not be confirmed until the following business day. If you choose to cancel your Low Plaza ticket, you are not guaranteed a ticket on the West Field/Butler Lawn. All tickets are first come, first-served. Please note, EVERYONE who had previously paid for a $7 ticket will receive refunds automatically the week after the concert. The above cancellation option is only for people who don’t want to be registered at all for a Low Plaza ticket that they previously purchased.

We are excited by these developments and are confident that by continuing to work with campus partners, ABC, and student councils, we can move forward and put on an incredible show in eight days. Thank you for your patience and support!

The Bacchanal Executive Board

CCSC, ABC, SGA Approve Funds For Additional Bacchanal Lawn Tickets

This afternoon, CCSC released a press release stating the council would pay up to $11,164 for 2,000 additional students to attend Bacchanal on top of the original ticket sales earlier this month. This payment would also open the West Lawn and the Butler Lawn to allow for students to stand during the concert. The 2,000 lawn tickets will be distributed for free to students. Last night, ESC also approved their own funds to help pay for the additional tickets.

In addition to the decision to open the lawns, CCSC voted against paying for the refund of the tickets already sold to students as the council found it “fiscally irresponsible.” The other councils, including SGA and ESC, will pay for the refund with the addition of a loan from ABC. Nonetheless, all students who paid for a ticket will be refunded, and they will have the option to keep their ticket or release their ticket for a lawn ticket.

Update, 6:10 pm: ABC has released a statement explaining they will not require Bacchanal to redistribute tickets. Further, ABC will front the Bacchanal committee’s debt incurred this Spring. In exchange for the funds, ABC requires Bacchanal to immediately begin paying off any debt exceeding $30,000 next year. ABC will allow for Bacchanal to pay off the $30,000 over the course of five years. The statement also requires increased communication between ABC and Bacchanal in the future.

Update, March 28, 3:20 pm: Barnard SGA has also voted to contribute funds to the additional security funds and the opening of the lawns, and they released a statement this afternoon detailing their position on this year’s Bacchanal.  They will provide a total of $12,885.65, in ratio with the funds provided by the other student councils. You can read their full statement after the jump.

Read the councils’ statements below the jump.

Conspiracy Theory: Ba-curse-anal Edition
Spooooky conspiracy theories

Spooooky conspiracy theories

A week out from Bacchanal and the troubles continue to mount. Every day, new reports come in on our site and others, statements are issued by student government bodies you have never heard of, confusions are placed on top of confusions are placed on well-intentioned bureaucratic nightmares. And now, rain in the forecast.

Surely, this mess can’t have it’s roots in Columbia itself. We are after all, the bright young leaders of tomorrow (!), as brilliant as we are willing to move beyond our personal biases into a place of compromise, overseen by an administration revered for its effectiveness and extraordinary compassion for the students it serves. 

At least, we all can be, providing we find just the right thing to blame. For our collective reputations, for our sense of worth and righteousness, for our well placed and quite vehement anger, we at Bwog offer you a number of scapegoats to choose from: 

  • As in the seminal Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Lifean angel  has interfered with the course of human history to prevent a terrible future. Three years ago, Billy Freichner was shown what would unfold should he cancel his Furnald party: Furnald would remain a silent, lifeless husk, never assuming its place as the premier party dorm; no less than six ill-conceived distance relationships would remain unbroken, triggering an escalating plague of sexual frustration; and the Columbia social scene would collapse almost entirely, eventually resulting in a highly politicized and poorly orchestrated Bacchanal. Freichner returned to his time and prevented this awful course of events, his party going down in Columbia legend, but we, we are forever trapped in the other timeline, doomed to serve forever as a paving stone for his better world.
  • On a night of thunder and wind, a witch, acting according to the evil compulsions of Satan, turned her magic to where it might do the greatest harm and brought a page of the Bwog comment section to walking, talking, horrible life. Irritable and unimpressed, Mr. Section’s first action was to take an obscure position in student government, where he halts progress to this day.
  • As it turns out, God is a fan of high grossing films of the late 90s. As you read this, Ben Kornick is realizing that somehow, Bacchanal is still somehow short exactly $15,000. As he wonders where he can find that kind of money, a nearby television is announcing the entry deadline of the NYC musical hockey tournament, with a grand prize of exactly $15,000. Can Ben, his ragtag group of Bacchanal committee members, their Juilliard trained pet cocker spaniel, and new transfer Vince Vaughn win the contest and save Bacchanal???
  • Up until last month, Bacchanal was running smoothly. But smoothly doesn’t sell online ad space. Following in the footsteps of Hearst, the Spec’s Michael Ouimette launched a devastating but subtle yellow journalism campaign designed to stir up controversy and page views. Today Bacchanal, tomorrow Cuba.
  • Bacchanal has always been secretly funded by a small but powerful cult as part of an elaborate occult ritual requiring pulsating music, the sweat of the young, human sacrifice, and marijuana smoke. Intended to give the damned souls of the long gone asylum purchase over the grounds they once walked, the ritual was canceled this year. The asylum ghosts don’t want to walk here any more. They find us depressing.
  • The Bacchanal fiasco is your brain‘s way of telling you that this, all of this isn’t quite right. None of this is real. You were hit by a falling air conditioner in September and have been in a coma since. That’s why you’re so unhappy. It’s time to wake up, dear. We all miss you terribly. Can you hear me? YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP. PLEASE. WE LOVE YOU, PLEASE, PLEASE WAKE UP.
  • Spring Bacchanal was originally canceled along with Fall Bacchanal. CCSC President Peter Bailinson tried to save it by wishing upon a mysterious monkey paw he bought from that one guy who sells books outside of Tom’s.
  • There never was a Bacchanal. “Bacchanal” was the only successful element of the now long dead #OurBlue campaign, an attempt to inspire the student body with false memories of a happy community.
  • PrezBo’s wig got caught in the machinery lurking below… No. We can’t do this any more. President Bollinger we’re just acting out because we want your attention. You’re our president. Where are you? Why don’t you love us anymore? Did you ever love us?
  • All I can tell you: Henry Kissinger, a soufflé contest, and the lost colony of Roanoke.
  • Columbia’s squirrel population, a highly intelligent and vicious breed, are secretly sabotaging Bacchanal, along with your grades, and your love life, all to send a message to Bwog staffers, who have been lax in providing them with publicity and fresh first-year blood.

Spoooky atmosphere via Shutterstock

Quiz: Which Columbia Sports Team Are You?