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Hearing your professor’s final remarks like…

There’s nothing we love more than when we call and you answer. On this first real day of reading week, we bring to you the parting words of just a few of the professors on this campus. Read these and weep about the fact that the semester is now over and you need to study your ass off for the next two weeks!! Have any parting words from a professor that you wish to see in this list? Write it out in the comment section, and we’ll add it in. 

Bruce Conin, International Humanitarian Law – “Ted Cruz… I’m not going to say he looks like Satan, but there’s definitely a family resemblance.”

Robbie Harris, Intro to Biblical Literature – “There are such things as student evaluations, but I have tenure so those things don’t really impact me.”

Homa Zarghamee, Economics of Gender – “I believe in the ruthlessness of corporations enough that they’re not going to care who’s doing what.”

#ShitILearnedInLitHum after the jump.

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Caleb

Caleb LoSchiavo

Now that classes are over and you can no longer glean enlightenment from your professors, Bwog has got you covered with your much-needed daily dose of wisdom. Here’s BC senior Caleb LoSchiavo’s senior wisdom to get you going. 

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Caleb LoSchiavo, “The College” (Barnard), Psychology major and Italian minor, hailing from Wyckoff, NJ

Claim to fame: You may know me as one of the prominent leaders of The Gay Agenda on campus. A hater once said to me in an email, “You might mean well and have good intentions but you are doing the opposite of you hope to achieve.” I’ve worked on overall education and awareness on campus as well as initiatives like gender neutral bathrooms on both sides of the street, trans inclusivity in mental health services, a preferred name option in SIS, and a trans-inclusive admissions policy at Barnard. So I think I’m doing exactly what I hope to achieve here.

Where are you going? Nowhere. No honestly, I’ll be here working on a show that was accepted to the Glicker-Milstein Summer Program. After that, I have no idea where I’ll be.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

  1. If you want something to change at this school, I promise you’re not the only one who feels that way. Speak up. Find other students who share your drive and desires. A lot can happen if you join forces and get the right people to listen to you.
  2. You cannot do everything. You should not try to do everything. Just because there’s an open board position in your favourite student group doesn’t mean you need to fill it. Just because a class can fit into your schedule doesn’t mean it should. Your plate doesn’t always need to be so fill that it’s overflowing. Doing too much will inevitably backfire, and people won’t resent you for knowing your limits and respecting them (if they do, they’re probably not worth your time).
  3. The people who you can call family and who can make this place feel like home are out here. You might not find them right away—they might not be in your orientation group or on your first-year hall. I didn’t start to meet my people until October of my sophomore year. I’m still meeting more and more people. Your people might be in unexpected places, like a class you almost dropped or an event you almost didn’t go to. Don’t underestimate the power of chosen family.

Oral sex or cheese thoooo?

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fruity fresh

Ever find your sweet tooth unsatiated after eating a fruit salad? Scientists discovered earlier this week that the naturally-occurring sugar in fruit “leaves people hungrier and makes them greedier for glucose.” (The Times)

Workers at various branches of Aldi supermarkets in Berlin were shocked when they found boxes of bananas void of the fruit. Instead, the shipments supposedly bearing produce were filled with kilograms of cocaine. Police seized roughly 386 kg of the coco… that’s approximately 850 pounds!! (Deutsche Welle)

A woman in Venezuela is getting a new apartment after throwing a mango with her name and number written on it at the Venezuelan President during a rally. 54-year-old Marleni Olivo chucked a mango inscribed with the phrase “If you can, call me” at President Nicolas Maduro. (CNN)

The new Apple TV remote is going to go under some changes in design. The new remote is expected to have a touch pad, as well as a thicker body. (NY Times)

insert Wiggles song about fruit here via Shutterstock

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The next big thing is here.Dear Bwog Readers,

Bwog was established in 2006 as a place to give students a revolutionary platform for learning about and communicating with their community at Columbia. In the nine years since, our readership and staff have steadily grown—but to this day, that dedication to our founding purpose has remained unchanged. There have been some bumps in the road over the years, but we have taken them in stride, reached out and engaged further with our readership, and taken the necessary steps to ensure that we always remain true to our roots.

But today, on behalf of the entire Bwog staff, I am proud to announce that Bwog is becoming a bit better. We’ve redesigned our entire site.

We’ve spent the past year and a half working with talented designers, engineers, and college students to construct an entirely new (well, really, just updated) experience. We’re extremely proud of it.

That being said, we’ve prioritized getting the redesign out to you all sooner rather than later over working out all of the kinks. We’re aware of most of them, but we would love to hear any and all feedback at redesign@bwog.com.

This redesign would not have been possible without the endless dedication of a small group of Columbia students. Our tech team (Kevin Chen, Andy Hadjigeorgiou, and Parker Case) stayed up many long nights drinking Red Bull and eating Doritos. Our editorial boards (fearlessly led by Sarah Faith Thompson, Maud Rozee, and Julia Goodman) had countless meetings. Our graphic designer, Alejandra Oliva, provided the creative inspiration.

So have at it! Read our posts, comment away, and keep doing what makes this place so very special. Most importantly, hold fast to the spirit of youth.

Fondly,

Jake Hershman
Publisher

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At 6 pm this evening, Barnard College held a event doubly honoring the end of its 125th academic year and revealing the design plans for the new library, to be called the Teaching and Learning Center. Major construction is to begin Winter 2015 and some of Lehman’s offices and books are already starting their move over the summer into a “swing space” to be housed in LeFrak Gym.

The new center is set to offer a wide array of new amenities, like another cafe (besides Liz’s) and a connection to Altschul Hall that will provide for more laboratory space. For more information, refer to the TLC’s own site within Barnard to see its construction timeline, architectural setup, and more.

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We know what you did last night

Late on Saturday night, when even the most inebriated of us have retreated to their beds without brushing their teeth, the true animals of the night emerge to get their share of uncensured fun. Without students around to patrol them, Public Safety officers working the 4 am shift tip-toe out of their fort in Low, and come together in raw experiences of camaraderie. This isn’t the first time we’ve known Public Safety to be sneaky, but they’ve left remnants of their latest venture. Though the numbers aren’t totally clear, a couple or a group of officers were getting softly freaky in the penis fountains and whoever was on clean up duty was too caught up in the fun and left their Cinderella slipper behind. We’ll be handcuffing officers to see whose wrists match these babies, but for now, keep sending along your weekend finds to tips@bwog.com

Columbia unleashed

  • “Finally hit 100wpm. (Was at 99 for two years)”
  • “Ate an avocado. Did not see the Varsity Show. Got a sheet of penis stickers that I am very excited about.”
  • “Went to Cannon’s for the first time. It was the whitest thing I’ve ever experienced and I’m from New Hampshire. Spelled my last name for various front desk attendants while signing out of Columbia dorms.”
  • “Consumed three giant cantaloupes within one day. (What can I say? They were on sale for $1.25 each)”
  • “Fisted a puppet. Burnt my finger lighting a match in 1020. Got stuck on a stalled 1 train for 30 mins and almost scream-cried (it had been a long weekend).”
  • “Pretty sure I gave myself first degree burns from the bathroom sink in 1020.”
  • “Saw the Avengers at 11 pm opening night, saw it again at 2 am.”
  • “Found out that Alma has an outlet and drunk me rejoiced. A few days later sober me could not find the outlet and was devastated.”
  • “Cried while looking at photos of my family. It’s time to go home.”
  • “Made jungle juice for the first time (it had Everclear in it!). Friend hosted her birthday party in the EC suite of someone she has at least three degrees of separation with. We were locked out while the suite dwellers were at Varsity Show and once we got in the suite was solely filled with a large hookah and trash. Maybe some furniture. We cleaned up the trash but left the printed pieces of paper on the wall that read ‘puff, puff, puff, pass’ for decor.”

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Momma B&W, Baby Bwog

Momma B&W, Baby Bwog

It’s a Monday afternoon. Bwog is advertising for club meetings other than their own on a day other than Sunday. We want to show our once-mother publication some love, and we welcome you to show it some love as well at their final Spring 2015 meeting tonight at 9 pm in the crypt of St. Paul’s Chapel.

Though it’s the onset of finals, come out tonight to get your hands on some pitches to be featured in the September 2015 issue. Nothing sounds more Columbia like already having responsibilities for the next semester before the current one is completed. Hold fast to your Ivy nature and write on!

Looking for motivation to make an appearance tonight? Peruse at your leisure.

We have a baby staff this year anyway via Shutterstock

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“I have as many degrees as I do visible teeth”

Bwog is thankful for many things. Our late night spontaneity. Our really photogenic staff members. Our VIP seats at V-Show. The latter might be our biggest win yet, for our elite seating got us within spitting distance of not just the actors — but Suzanne Goldberg herself.

The woman of the hour, distinguishable by her trendy Anne Hathaway- inspired bob, sat in front of us during V121’s opening night on Friday. We doubled over in the presence of such true stardom, and held in potentially boisterous laughter when the script presented her in humorously distasteful light.

Our fangirling paid off, for our very own Joe Milholland snagged a quick word with Executive Vice President Goldberg. His face-to-face dialogue with her lasted only seconds longer than the time it takes to say her full title.

Joe: I was just wondering what you thought of your role in the play.

Goldberg: I never knew I could sing so well – and dance too.

J: What would you want added to your actual title?

G: Czarina. That’s a joke.

J: Have you ever been to Bernheim & Schwartz?

G: I’ve walked by it a lot of times, maybe that counts for being there.

J: Do you know Scott Helfrich?

G: No, sorry, unfortunately not. Let me put it this way: I feel like I know him. Actually, we may have met.

J: The play is about how everyday concerns of students aren’t really addressed by administration. Do you plan on doing anything about that?

G: I think that’s why I’m here.

J: Do you have a spirit animal?

G: I’d have to give that one more thought. I’m sure I do, I just need to uncover my inner spirit animal.

This interview has been edited slightly for clarity.

Feel free to suggest spirit animal options for Goldberg in the comments. The reward will be her over-sized Columbia ID card. Because size matters.

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Ben Caine

Ben Caine

Feeling as if you need a little more wisdom in your life? Here’s CC senior Ben Caine’s senior wisdom to get you through.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Ben Caine; CC; Applied Math; Newton, MA

Claim to fame: You know how, when something’s good, people sometimes say, “v. good”? I started that.

Where are you going? Somewhere far away from New York City to work on a farm for the summer, then off to the beautiful mountains of Seattle. (Looking for roommates in Seattle, hit me up!)

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

  1. Listen. Give people your emotional investment, and they will return the favor. Find what’s most interesting to you about what your friend is saying, and ask her about it. The Beatles had it right: “And in the end, / The love you take / Is equal to the love you make.”
  2. Get rid of your Facebook. Get rid of your snapchat, instagram, and twitter too. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve made in college, and I strongly recommend it. You do not need to be a slave to your image, and you do not need to pass judgment on others for theirs. Facebook causes you to be alienated from your friends and gives you unrealistic expectations for your own life. While it can be hard to part with your social media, I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.
  3. You’re more than your resumé. As you, the class of 2019, enter into this wonderful and intimidating community, you might ask the same question that generations of Columbians before you have asked: what defines you? There’s no right answer to this question, but there is a wrong answer: it’s not your GPA, your internships, or your extracurriculars. It’s the countless hours you spend banging your head against the wall in frustration. It’s the relationships you make and the friendships you cultivate over time. It’s the crazy late night endeavors, the all-night Netflix binges, the weird inside jokes. It cannot be confined to a number and words on a page. Never lose sight of your humanity.

Much more on Janky JJs and oral sex farms next.

May

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Bring on the paaaaarty!

Bring on the paaaaarty!

Luckily, we still have a Spring 2016 Bacchanal to look forward to next year. But what does that mean in practice? Our Monday man Joe Milholland brings you the answers. 

This Sunday night, the Columbia College Student Council approved the final changes to the ABC resolution that will change how Bacchanal is managed next year. The proposal, which makes the four undergrad student council VPs of finance oversee Bacchanal’s budget, has changed so that the VPs have to approve Financial Transaction Forms from the Bacchanal Committee. Additionally, around the date of F@CU, the VPs and the Bacchanal Committee will decide the allocation of funds for Bacchanal in certain areas, such as fundraising costs or facilities & securities. Finally, tickets for Bacchanal will be free, and students will be notified of the ticket release dates at least a month in advance.

CCSC also gave out its end-of-the year paper plate awards! Here they are (I won’t include the honorable mentions because nobody’s that much of a CCSC nerd):

The recipients after the jump!

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And in high school news...

And in high school news…

The curfew in Baltimore, which was instated in response to the events over the past few weeks, was lifted yesterday. The National Guard is starting to retreat from the city as well. (Baltimore Sun)

Every bad health class in high school gone even more wrong: Ebola can now be transmitted through unprotected sex with treated patients. Does this make Ebola an STI? STD? (Times of India)

Prospies reading Bwog: don’t take your senior prank too far. (ABC Arizona)

The kid you secretly hated (because he got into all 8 Ivies) is going to Harvard. Peace to the Northeast and you never have to see him again! (Business Insider)

Staple of suburban America via Shutterstock

 

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You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s…gone. This week, Bwog Weather says goodbye in their final segment of the semester to the tune of our favorite 2014 psychothriller. Be sure to check out CUSS on Facebook and Instagram, and stay tuned for the season finale coming next Sunday!

Gone Girl from Bwog on Vimeo.

May

3

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Hari Nef

Hari Nef

With the weekend wrapping up, we bring you a Senior Wisdom from Hari Nef to give you something to procrastinate with in Butler.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Hari Nef, Columbia College, Drama & Theater Arts (Acting Concentration), Newton, MA

Claim to fame: Fun and trans!

Where are you going? Rehearsal…

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

  1. You are enough.
  2. You owe it to yourself to study something you love very, very deeply.
  3. Your life is long.

“Back in my day…” I don’t remember anything before Dig Inn…

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Google me lol

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Acting Comedy, Advanced Acting Lab, and Acting Chekhov with Charise Greene. Even if you’re not a theater major, her studio acting classes will make you a stronger, more functional person.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? “Pose to Be” by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko 2:13

One thing to do before graduating: Slam the door!

Any regrets? Regrets? Is it 2014?

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The Fro Sci final Mother’s Day is next Sunday, which means now is the perfect time to get ~crafty~ and show your mom, sister, grandma, aunt, teacher, friend, mentor, or really any other maternal-like figure in your life how much you love her (or him!). What better way to show your support than with some DIY gifts? Come to the weekly Bwog meeting tonight at 7PM in the SGO (Room 505) of Lerner, where we’ll teach you how to make heart-shaped melon kebabs, rose cupcake bouquets, and custom heart-shaped throw pillows. Snacks and pipe cleaners will be provided, and all are welcome to attend!

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U.S. Gov't: "How do we get more tax revenue from this transaction?"

U.S. Gov’t: “How do we get more tax revenue from this transaction?”

Bucket List represents the immense academic privilege we enjoy as Columbia students. This week, take an hour to go to an event. You might just learn something useful for an exam or paper. Our recommendations are below, and the rest of the list can be found below the jump. As always, if we’ve made a mistake or left anything noteworthy off the list, please let us know in the comments. 

Recommended

  • “Digits and Treasuries: How to Address the Fiscal Challenges of the Digital Economy?” Monday 5:00-6:30 pm, Buell Hall (East Gallery). Pierre Collin, Martin Collet.
  • “Influence of the Latino Vote.” Tuesday 6:30-8:30 pm, 1512 IAB. Rodolfo de la Garza, Maria Eugenia Alcon, Tomas Lopez. Register.
  • “Mark Van Doren Teaching Award and Lionel Trilling Book Award Ceremony.” Wednesday 6:00-8:00 pm, Faculty Room (Low). Prof. Austin Quigley, Prof. Zainab Bahrani. Register.
  • “Prolegomena on Artistic Forgery in the Middle Ages.” Tuesday 6:30-8:30 pm, 612 Schermerhorn. Robert Maxwell.

Go see some events this week!

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