Written by Youngweon Lee
It’s cuffing season, and Deputy Editor Youngweon is back with her annoying tabloid-esque love-and-relationships articles. Here are the stages of getting cuffed in this city, a land barren of love, at this university full of emotionally unavailable sad people.
Happy cuffing season!
Handcuffs via Bwog Archives
Tags: happy cuffing season, have yall missed these dumb love and relationships posts? i havent written one in a while, its cold outside! cuff someone just for snuggling purposes, its okay to permanently stay on step 7! my aunt is 43 and still on step 7, once i said in casual conversation w my parents sth about "when im married" and they were like "YOU'RE GONNA MARRY SOMEONE?" thanks mom and dad, pray to venus tonight
Written by Nadra Rahman
Though she was locked out for most of the meeting, Bwogger Nadra Rahman is here to deliver you your Monday medley of CCSC news. This time, CCSC feels its own mortality.
CCSC won’t be the same next year, or for that matter, next semester—and that’s what last night’s meeting was all about. After lengthy deliberations, members appointed an Interim Columbia Elections Board (CEB) Chair, along with CCSC members to fill the Vacancy Committees (more on that to come).
Mo’ Applicants, Mo’ Debate
The Interim CEB Chair will help fill positions in CEB (currently dissolved), at which point their task will be complete. To President Nathan Rosin’s surprise, people actually applied, which is a good sign for the future of student government.
Tags: "i'm sorry for being so unprofessional" - rosin after needing to take a break, banned, bwog is hardcore CUE, ccsc, CEB, COOP for asthmatics, last hurrah of the spirit of the sandwich ambassador, mo money mo problems was the number 1 song on the billboards the week we were born <3, with great power comes great meetings
Written by Thomas Saenz
Happening Around the World: As tensions escalate in Zimbabwe, current president (dictator) Robert Mugabe continues to refuse to step down from his position, even after yesterday marked the final day in which his political party allowed him to reign. Protestors have been taking the streets the past few days calling for his impeachment and/or resignation. (BBC)
Happening in the US: Notorious serial killer and cult leader Charles Manson has died after living 83 shitty years on this planet. Manson is known for the creation of the Manson Family cult, which came into the spotlight after he and his followers murdered popular actress Sharon Tate in the 1960s. May he rot in hell forever. (LA Times)
Happening in NYC: It’s everyone’s worst nightmare: after bouts of heavy wind in the SoHo area, a major piece of scaffolding collapsed yesterday afternoon. The incident occurred at the corner of Prince Street and Broadway, where 6 people were injured by the collapse. One person was hospitalized for their injuries and is expected to make a full recovery. (CBS Local)
Happening on Campus: Columbia’s Middle East Institute will be holding “Beyond Fighting ISIS: Gender, Conflict, and Nationalism” with a discussion led by Professor Al-Ali and Latif Fas TONIGHT at 6:30 PM in Knox 509.
Overseen: Some fun butter laying on the floor in Brooks. To the person who left it there: what was your intentions? Why butter? Why Brooks? If you are the butter dropper, please contact Bwog so we can get to the bottom of this.
Butter churning fun via Bwog Staff
Tags: I hate NYC why can't our infrastructure be nice for once, I hope Manson rots in the pits of hell forever, I'm getting to the bottom of this butter shit, it wasn't even that windy yesterday too which is the scary part???, Mugabe is a piece of trash too, now I never want to walk under scaffolding, thank god Charles Manson is dead, who ARE you butter dropper
Written by Lexie Lehmann
Bucket List represents the intellectual privilege we enjoy as Columbia students. We do our very best to bring to your attention important guest lecturers and special events on campus. Our recommendations for this week are below, and the full list is after the jump. If you notice any events that have been left off the list, or if you have a correction, please let us know in the comments.
Monday, November 20
Tuesday, November 21
Wednesday, November 22 – Friday, November 24
Turkey courtesy of the Public Domain.
Written by Amara Banks
At my first ever Bwog meeting in 2015, I made a pitch that to this day I have yet to top: campus figures as bowls of water. Shamelessly inspired by a Buzzfeed post someone had sent to me, I thought it would’ve been a perfect fit for this new thing in my life called Bwog. But the board looked at me like I was snorting eraser shavings and told me they’d “think about it” (which usually means slack message each other about wtf just came out this girls mouth). Until last week, I had given up on my pitch and only occasionally referenced to it as a way to encourage new writers to not be ashamed of their seemingly weird/unusual ideas. But then one morning as I did my Insta-toilet scroll, I came across an image on my feed: Disney Princesses as cement mixers. It was as if God himself were telling me not to give up on the pitch that started it all, but this time, better—campus figures as cement mixers.
Written by Kiana Taghavi
Sometimes in that mid-semester haze, we all forget there’s more places to study than Butler on this campus,and find ourselves lost when there’s not an empty seat in sight in Ref. Luckily, Staff Writer Kiana Taghavi has done all the hard work and compiled a list of alternatives. If you know any other great study spots, leave them in the comments!
It’s Saturday morning. You’re up before 11. You’re feeling somewhat motivated, with a grande iced coffee in one hand and Plato’s Republic in the other. You text your friend, and both of you begin your forty-four minute trek to find a spot to study. Just a single spot to study.
You’d think that at a distinguished university like Columbia, students would constantly be reveling in cozy nooks, aesthetic library ceilings, and spacious, ultra-modern tables. Instead, some students, like me, have been facing a pressing campus crisis: a lack of study spaces.
Every time I decide to work in Butler, I waste at least thirty minutes shuffling between floors, hunting down a single open seat. At this point, I’m pretty content with sitting down on the ground of Butler 5, laptop charger plugged into the wall, backpack messily strewn across the antiquated floor, infinite particles of dust hitting my face every time I turn a page in my poli sci textbook. It’s a look.
With the help of my lovely Bwog family, I have compiled a list of places that won’t require an odyssey to find a spot to sit at.
Written by Isabel Sepulveda
Come join Bwog at 9 pm in Lerner 510 to get an early start on your Thanksgiving break. We’ll provide a feast of epic snacks, you provide your best pitches. Honestly, it’s a win-win situation all around. Can’t wait to see you there!
that background is wild via Public Domain
Written by Isabel Sepulveda
Happening in the World: After a military coup last week to stop Zimbabwe’s president Robert Mugabe from installing his wife as his successor, the ruling party, Zanu-PF, has given Mugabe until Monday to resign or face impeachment. His former vice president, Emmerson Mnangagwa, who Mugabe fired two weeks ago, has been appointed in his place. (BBC)
Happening in the US: Co-founder of AC/DC, Malcolm Young, passed away yesterday at the age of 64. The songwriter and guitarist had suffered from dementia for several years, according to a statement from his family. AC/DC, which Young found with his brother Angus, is still wildly popular selling more than 72 million albums in the United States and giving a wildly successful “Rock or Bust” world tour in 2016. (NY Times)
Happening in NYC: 2 senior officials in the New York Housing Authority have resigned after a scandal involving lead paint. The city’s Investigation Department found that the authority’s chairwoman, Shola Olatoye, knew that inspectors were not checking apartments for lead paint but still signed off on their reports anyway. Mayor De Blasio has jumped to her defense and it has been announced that a new department will be established to ensure compliance with regulations. (NY Times)
Happening on Campus: The Columbia University Wind Ensemble will be holding their fall concert, Childlike Wonder, at 1 pm today in Roone Auditorium. Come listen to a diverse range of selections, including Fantasy on the Theme by Sousa and the US premiere of Dylan’s Song. Check out the Facebook event and be sure to stop by; it’s free with your CUID!
Word(s) of the Day: Strč prst skrz krk: A Czech and Slovak tongue twister that means “stick a finger through the throat” and more importantly, contains no vowels.
I think I make that same face in my 8:40 lecture via Wikimedia Commons
Tags: bwoglines, foreign language tongue twisters are basically the best thing ever, honestly my best friend would kill me if i didn't go listen to sousa when i had the chance, that c has a hat i have never seen before, trying to think of funny tags about military coup's is more difficult than you might think
Beethoven, Sappho, Liszt, Mozart, move over. A Columbia Yelp reviewer has come to town.
As I was browsing Yelp reviews of JJ’s the other day, I discovered that a Columbia student had written a song about JJ’s in the reviews section. Yep. I’m….speechless. The song is to the tune of “No More Parties in LA” by Kanye West, and it utilizes such a sublime flow and lyricism that is to this date unparalleled by even Sappho herself. Honestly, what more can I say about it? The full lyrics are included below, as well as the song “No More Parties in LA” to give you an idea for the melody.
No more parties in JJ’s
Please, baby, no more parties in JJ’s, uh
No more parties in JJ’s
Please, baby, no more parties in JJ’s., uh
No more (John Jay)
Hey baby you forgot your french fries
Not cooked in peanut oil like Five Guys’
It was more than soft porn for the K-man
Hacked my diet like when I was selling them Rayban
Kashi no subete wo tabete, ureshikatta
On that air hockey table, I’m gonna play.
Gotta steal all them freshie swipes; they gonna pay
And I guess I can say hi to Iris, along the way.
No more parties in JJ’s
Please, baby, no more parties in JJ’s
So you pregamed ya pregame
Drinks before noon JJ’s soon there is no shame
Going straight for the mozzarella sticks
And foosball scores three meals a day hat tricks.
I am here waiting for the ghost of Kerouac
Just to tell him when you near my fortune cookies, step back.
I just keep on lovin’ you, baby
And there’s no one else I know who can take your place
We’re gonna keep this short. I’ve had a lot of scary experiences this week: a Gulati pop quiz, spilling orange juice in my bag, tripping on College Walk. But on Thursday, I encountered perhaps the scariest thing of all. Class registration.
As a freshman, my fall registration experience was less than stellar – but my spring registration experience was even worse. Coming in, I had a 12:30 pm registration time. With no context, I had known that 12:30 pm wasn’t the earliest time, but I didn’t think it was the worst ordeal either.
Yeah, I was wrong.
On registration day, I woke up at 8 am, carefully checking and double-checking and triple-checking that my SSOL wishlist was just right. I had three alternative LitHum sections, three UWriting sections, and a ton of other backup classes lined up. I’m so excited to register for these amazing courses! I, at that time only a naive and smol girl, thought to myself.
12:15 pm rolled around, and I leisurely opened my laptop at the tables outside Ferris. I checked SSOL, and then I saw it. Every single one of my classes was fucking full.
Panic washed over me, and I internally screamed, as I instantly opened CULPA, Vergil, RateMyProfessor, EZACU, and the Class of 2021 Facebook to cross-check professors, in the process stress-eating the three Ferris red velvet cookies I had originally saved for later. The task was hopeless; my efforts were for naught. Every single UWriting class that had a professor assigned was already full. Only three or four LitHum sections were available to be switched into.
I wish I could provide you with a happy ending, and tell you that it all ended OK and that I’m OK, but I’m not. My only comfort during these dark, dark times is that I can shed light on my experience, and perhaps prepare you, my reader, for the absolute tomfoolery that is class registration. Good luck, and godspeed.
Tags: 12:30 pm isn't even that late????, bwop tart, class registration ruined my pasta bowl; my day; my week; and perhaps my entire life forever, i wish i had the athletic talent and work ethic required to obtain the athletes' registration time, i would sell my soul to have an early registration time
Written by Bwog Staff
With the onslaught of Thanksgiving, Bwog baby Idris O’Neill wanted to give thanks, or rather a no thanks, to all those Columbia men that ask girls to be part of their threesome fantasies. Here are her thoughts.
For the second time in a month, I was asked to be a part of a threesome. I don’t know what it is about being a Barnard first year that entices these men, but I promise I don’t believe in the “Barnard girls to bed, Columbia girls to wed” thing. I aspire for that ring too, goddammit. This one is for all the Barnard women who find themselves confronted with that awkward “you, me, her” (or him or them) suggestion, but were not adequately prepped by Foundations for it.
Happening in the World: Surgeons have found that a North Korean soldier, who defected Monday, has harbored multiple fully grown parasites in his damaged intestines. Experts say this is a common condition among North Korean defectors, due to the lack of chemical fertilizers and reliance on human excrement for fertilization in impoverished North Korea. (NYT)
Happening in the US: The Senate Judiciary Committee has appointed Trump nominee Brett J. Talley, a three-year lawyer who has never tried a case and was unanimously rated “not qualified” by the American Bar Association, for an Alabama federal judgeship. (LA Times)
Happening in NYC: A huge, five-alarm fire tore through a Hamilton Heights apartment building Friday, inciting nearly 200 firefighters in response and casting dark plumes of smoke over northern Manhattan. (CBS)
Happening on Campus: Columbia New Music, an organization of Columbia-affiliated composers and performers of contemporary music, is having a concert in 112 Dodge Hall. More information can be found on its Facebook event page here.
A Song Recommendation:
Photo via Max Pixel under Public Domain
Written by Sarah Harty
“Written In The Stars” opened Thursday night at the Kraft Center for Jewish Life. The cast is made up of Madison Andrus (CC ’21) , Jack Becker (CC ’21), Camryn Bolkin (GS/JTS ’21), Elli Furukawa (BC ’20), Alison Kahn (BC ’21), Habin Lee (SEAS ’18), Chrisanthi Livadiotis, Sarina Maurice (BC/JTS ’21), Louisa Melcher (CC ’20), Brent Morden (CC ’19), Gabriel Pont (CC/JTS ’20), Carys Snyder (CC ’19), and Rachael Whitley (BC ’21). The show is stage managed by Anna Fondiller (BC ’19) and features choreography by Juliana Forrest (BC ’19), music direction by Morden, and lighting design by Leora Lupkin (BC ’20). Tickets are free and seats can be reserved here.
A Western-themed musical comedy set in outer space sounds like a lot to take on, and a lot to take in. But the cheers of audience members at David Treatman’s (GS/JTS ’20) podcast-inspired, but still original story proved that he didn’t bite off more than he could chew. The witty dialogue, kitschy half-rhymes, and impressive body paint made for an enjoyable evening.
“Written in the Stars” tells the story of Sparks Nevada (Jack Becker), a Martian marshal who is in fact from Earth, and his friends and foes, both human and extraterrestrial. Sparks’ job is righting the outlaw wrongs on Mars, but he has personal issues to deal with as well. His girlfriend isn’t fitting in with the other residents of the planet, someone else wants his job and is willing to kill for it, and a group of mutant bandits are out to get him. What is he to do?
Written by Bwog Staff
Last week in this indie publication called The New York Times, users submitted stories to the Modern Love column. The catch: they were only thirteen words long. We gave this exercise a stab with some Columbia-inspired shorts.
We met at 1020, even though you don’t go here. Now we’re inseparable.
He had an essay due, yet texted me back anyway. Not for long.
Word of advice: don’t bang someone in your Lit Hum class.
We hit it off at 1020, then you whisked me away to Juilliard.
Written by Zack Abrams
Happening Around The World: The Nigerian women’s bobsled team is heading to the 2018 Winter Olympics after crowdfunding $75,000 for their Olympic bid and qualifying over several races. Feel free to make as many Cool Runnings jokes as you want in the comments. (ABC News)
Happening In The US: Minnesota Senator Al Franken has apologized after a photo surfaced of him groping a sleeping woman’s breasts, along with a testimonial by that woman about how Franken forcibly kissed her. He is now facing bipartisan calls for an ethics investigation. (Washington Post)
Happening In NYC: A 30-year-old Australian diplomat has fallen to his death off a Lower East Side apartment during a “trust game” while celebrating the ‘yes’ vote in Australia towards marriage equality. (New York Times)
Happening At Columbia: Today is the Day of Data! Come by Lerner today for a variety of panels, workshops, and events. I’m especially excited for “Data Driven Journalism,” which has two panelists from Buzzfeed!
Overheard: “You know there’s a guy with a very similar style to you… I think it’s because you both use drugs”
Bop of the Day:
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