Bwoglines: Four Things That Will Make You Cry First From Heartbreak And Then From Laughter
Fuck you

Fuck you

Dermatologists hate her! This suburban mom uses cheap household ingredients to keep her skin looking like she’s still twenty-five!

Here are fifty-two bars of soap that look eerily similar to human beings.

You can’t ignore this shockingly heartwarming picture of a single mother making it on her own in the Big Apple.

Here are three things you’ll never want to read again if you went to Columbia University in the City of New York in the State of New York in the United States of America on the Earth.

Now for some actual news?

Housing Reviews 2015: Broadway

It’s that time of the year again: spring everlasting winter! And that can mean only one thing—the annual installment of Bwog’s housing reviews.  Today, we bring you the lowdown on the most aptly named dorm on campus: Broadway.

Location: 556 West 114th Street. Housing, facilities, and WikiCU will say 2900 but 556 is what you want to tell the delivery guy.

  • Nearby dorms: Hogan, Ruggles, Carman
  • Stores and restaurants: MoWi, BoSchwo, Amir’s, Haagen Daaz, Starbucks, Nussbaum & Wu, pretty much all of Broadway

Cost:

  • $7,640 (same as McBain, Wien, Schapiro, Furnald)

Amenities:

  • Bathrooms: Communal bathrooms; two women’s and two men’s on each floor
  • AC/Heating: Heat and AC, and you have the power (to control it)!
  • Kitchen/Lounge: Small kitchen on each floor with a more spacious lounge (TV, armchairs, couch) across the hall.
  • Laundry: Laundry in the basement
  • Computers/Printers: Computer lab on the third floor. Eight computers and one printer (for the whole building!!).  Printer breaks often.
  • Gym: None
  • Intra-transportation: Three super fast, super state-of-the-art elevators
  • Wi-Fi: Yes
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Hardwood in the rooms, carpet in the hallways and lounge. Tile in the bathroom, kitchen, and area in front of the elevator.

Tell me more about Broadway!

CU Admissions Decisions Mailed
Off they go!

Off they go!

It’s that time of the year again—when high school seniors hear back from our dear University about whether or not they will walk its hallowed halls in the fall. The following statement was released this afternoon. Send condolences or congratulations as needed and try not to dredge up any memories of high school.

Total number of applicants: 36,250
Total number of students admitted: 2,228

Admit Rate: 6.1%

Statement from Jessica Marinaccio, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions and Financial Aid:

“We are excited to release acceptances today to students chosen from the largest applicant pool in Columbia history. Over the past few months, the admissions staff has reviewed tens of thousands of applications, looking for students who not only have impressive academic records, but also have character and commitment, a dedication to positively impacting the world and boundless intellectual curiosity—all qualities that we believe are quintessentially Columbian.

“These 2,228 students are bright, innovative, thoughtful, and inquisitive. They are leaders and thinkers who have made a difference in their own communities and who will continue to do so here, as have the more than 250 classes of Columbians before them. They hail from all 50 states, Washington, D.C., the territories and 76 countries around the world. We are confident that the diverse backgrounds, experiences and voices that the members of the Class of 2019 will bring with them to Morningside Heights will shape this community in significant and wonderful ways.”

And as tradition goes:

A Late Review Of Spring Latenite

11062101_1819946648231311_8951879269539803685_nThis year, we ignored our haphazardly implemented tradition of making the outgoing EIC review the semi-annual Latenite comedy show, and instead we sent an under-qualified daily editor to check it out. Mason Amelotte thusly brings you his review of Latenite Theatre: Spring 2015 Anthology.

This year’s three night spring anthology showcased nine short plays that were written and directed by students, for students, as was realized after noticing the bemused expressions of the few parents scattered throughout the audience when a play featuring two “bros” revolved around understanding the term “Yaaasss.” This year’s anthology was a fairly cohesive show that, for the most part, depicted contemporary issues in a subversive, satirical manner. Latenite offered a unique collection of plays that varied in form, ranging from a musical-parody of Les Miserables titled “Les Miserweedless,” to a 90-second dinner party at “Madame Sequester’s” that completely obliterated the fourth wall, much to the audience’s pleasure.

The nine shows maintained a good (read: minimum) level of Columbia-centric content (after all, isn’t that what the Varsity Show is for?). The first and only play to take place in Butler, titled “Butler’s Eleven,” kicked off the show with an exaggerated depiction of what happens when someone in the reference room asks the age-old question “hey can you watch my stuff?” What proceeded to ensue was nothing short of an exciting Kubrick homage that can only be described as a whimsical, more kinky manifestation of the Inferno. Three Butler laptop vigilantes, two Sia dancers, one PrezBo face mask, and some hula hoops later, the audience was being showered in free condoms and lube, while our loyal Butler patron writhed on the floor, protecting her neighbor’s laptop. The short ended with an all too real one-liner: “This isn’t even a fucking Macbook.”

Performed later, “Sweet Dreams” added some much needed millennial humor to the anthology. Written by Eric Donahue, the skit took place at a viral content firm responsible for coming up with the clickbait articles that tend to litter Facebook. After all was said and done, two recent hires discover the source of all things viral on the internet: a comatose individual called “Ideastream” kept in the basement of the viral content firm under a white linen bed sheet. As someone who is enamored by the metaphysical concept of clickbait, this play had me on my knees.

Read more professional theatre critiques after the jump

Housing Reviews 2015: River

It’s that time of the year again: spring everlasting winter! And that can mean only one thing—the annual installment of Bwog’s housing reviews.  Today, we’re channeling the Talking Heads and “taking you to the River.”

Location: 628 West 114th Street (colloquially known as River)

  • Nearby dorms: Schapiro, Broadway, Hogan
  • Stores and restaurants: That one Halal cart, Amir’s, M2M, Morton Williams, pretty much anything on Broadway

Cost: 

  • $8,522/year (same as Wallach, Harmony, and Nussbaum)

Amenities:

  • Bathrooms: Four shared, gender-inclusive bathrooms per floor
  • AC/Heating: There’s definitely heating, but there’s no AC.
  • Kitchen/Lounge: There are two lounges/kitchens per floor, which amounts to one kitchen/lounge per “suite” (aka a side of one floor). Each of the lounges contains a refrigerator, an oven with a gas range, a dishwasher, a microwave, a dining table that comfortably seats four, a couch or two with some coffee tables, some extra chairs, and a television.
  • Laundry: 4 semi-operational washers and dryers, all located in the basement
  • Computers/Printers: Computer lab with one printer located in the basement
  • Gym: Fitness room available in the basement
  • Intra-transportation: One elevator and a stairwell. The basement is only accessible by the elevator.
  • Wi-Fi: Yes
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Hardwood
  • Facilities: Bathrooms are cleaned once weekly by a maintenance crew. Recycling also comes by once a week. However, the cleanliness of the kitchens and the disposal of trash in dorm rooms are the resident’s responsibility.

What about room variety?

SGA Speaks Those Magic Words: Free Food
We can't tell if that really looks like ice cream

We can’t tell if that really looks like ice cream

Barnard Bearoness Maddie Stearn is so committed to the game that she covered last night’s SGA meeting BEFORE she knew about the free food. Check out what went down regarding election announcements, Town Halls, and more in this Tuesday’s SGA meeting roundup. 

On Monday evening in the hallowed halls of the Diana Café, magic words like “elections,” “free food,” and “swag” ignited the air. A screen was wheeled in, the projector adjusted, and notecards were passed around. Anticipation permeated the atmosphere. Suddenly, the lights went up.

Actually, the lights were already on, but that did not deter from the air of excitement. This week’s SGA meeting began with a presentation from Amanda Ruiz, Sara Heiny, and Sarah Linden on the Academic Curricular Review. As the data collection stage of the ACR comes to a close, the Steering Committee is preparing to present its recommendations for a faculty vote. There will be one final student open session on April 9 from 6:30pm – 8:30pm in Diana LL104. This session will allow the committee heads to present their findings and will have more of a progress report format, as opposed to previous sessions that were more conversation-based. Provost Bell, who attended Monday’s meeting, assured SGA members that nothing is set in stone until the faculty votes on the Steering Committee’s proposal. If Barnard students have any questions, suggestions, or concerns, they can still send an email to sgasaac@barnard.edu.

The meeting continued with exciting updates from Campus Life (*ahem* free food is involved). SGA is having a Town Hall on Tuesday, April 7th from 7pm – 9pm in the Diana Event Oval. The event will address Barnard’s tuition increases, meal plans, and SGA endowment projects, among other topics. Students can submit questions ahead of time using the Google doc. Enthusiasm for the event increased exponentially when Shivani Vikuntam, VP for Campus Life, announced that free Thai Market will be served at the Town Hall.

More news after the jump!

Bwoglines: LOL Edition
shutterstock_150757355

Did someone say GRAPE TOMATOES?!? LOL!!

It was announced yesterday morning that South African writer and comedian Trevor Noah will replace John Stewart later this year as the new host of “The Daily Show.” Noah, who is only 31 years old and a newbie in the American television scene, is expected to give the show a youthful and international spin. (NYTimes)

Here’s some news for all you millennials!! Ever feel like “LOL” is too much a burden for your delicate fingers to type on your device? If you answered yes, then the new Android keyboard is perfect for you! Lazyboard, developed by Prem Adithya, is a keyboard that consists entirely of replies such as “no,” “yeah,” “lol,” and “cool.” (Wired.com)

Jamie Foxx’s jokes about Bruce Jenner’s transition were definitely more “cringe” than they were “lol.” Celebs such as Perez Hilton spoke up about Foxx’s transphobic statements, which Foxx stated during the iHeartRadio Music Awards Sunday night. (HuffPost)

April Fools’ Day is just around the corner!! Check out these GIFs that will be sure to give you some ideas for how to commemorate April 1st. (HuffPost)

 Woman laughing alone with salad via Shutterstock

USenate SAC Votes To Support Divestment From Private Prisons

Tonight, the Columbia University Senate’s Student Affairs Committee (SAC) voted to support Columbia’s divestment from private prisons. Various groups on campus, particularly Columbia Prison Divest, have already urged President Bollinger to divest from private prisons before tonight’s vote. The SAC consists of 25 elected student senators and represents Columbia’s 20 schools and affiliates. Their press release, which can be found below, calls for President Bollinger to recognize student support for divestment, direct the divestment of shares, and announce the divestment decision.

Field Notes: Pucker Up Edition
Are you???

Are you???

It’s getting (somewhat) warmer outside, so everyone’s starting to feel lil’ steamy on the inside. Or, we all can just feel really inspired by the timely finding of an interestingly marketed lip balm product. Pucker up, cause Bacchanal is on the (rainy and cold) horizon, and everyone’s gonna be looking for warmth. Cheers to the weekend before the belligerence that is Bacchanal, and cheers to the after where you’ll hopefully be getting your money back. As we prepare for Big Sean & Co, you are over-encouraged to drop us a Bacchanal line at tips@bwog.com

Meet me 80-20

  • “Watched a belligerent man throw up on the subway in the seat directly across from me @ 4:30 am Saturday night while his drunk significant other laughed at him.”
  • “Met my big <3″
  • “Got a fish for my friends’ room. Went to the Frick Museum hungover AF with my Lit Hum class.”
  • “Saw a traditional Japanese ensemble play; it was pretty rad. Got distracted by a cat at a party and spent most of my time apologizing to it for the drunken manhandling of the other guests.”
  • “Was invited over to someone’s apartment to play board games, which I respectfully declined. Fell asleep in the Hartley sky lounge while reading a copy of Augustine’s confessions I found there. It had a romantic dedication written inside the front cover.”
  • “Visited a pal at Yale for her birthday. Finished a pitcher of sangria in five minutes with my pal’s roommate. Watched my roommate throw up via facetime.”
  • “Went on a weird tinder date // p sure he was drunk at 4 in the afternoon.”
  • “Crashed a Mt. Holyoke trip to NYC. No one suspected that I didn’t belong. Got a free ticket to the Heidi Chronicles out of it.”
  • “Hosted friends from California, who proceeded to flirt the shit out of my friends here.”
  • “​Got pelted in the face by snow in Boston while walking down Commonwealth Ave. Saw my sister for last time before her undergrad commencement in May. Got confused for a Colombian when asked where I was from and I answered Columbia, figuring that the people meant “what school are you from?” so a guy tried to talk to me in Spanish, and I didn’t understand a single word he said.”
Mozart And Tchaikovsky With The CUMC Symphony Orchestra
CUMC students know how to get down

CUMC students know how to get down

As our resident fan for all things sports and music, future medical-music fan Ross Chapman trekked all the way uptown to catch the CUMC Orchestra playing Mozart and Tchaikovsky. Read on to hear about the top medical students in the country being really good at something else, too. 

The Columbia University Medical Center, between its students, faculty, and staff, has a lot of great musicians. The CUMC Symphony Orchestra is a recently revived musical group up at 168th Street whose stated mission is “to bring together the diverse population of the CUMC community.” And that they did – the Alumni Auditorium’s ground floor seating was packed with Columbians and community members for the 3:00 concert yesterday afternoon. The group put together a very professional concert on, as their conductor informed us, just three rehearsals’ worth of time. Today, they presented Tchaikovsky’s violin concerto and and Mozart’s Symphony No. 40.

The CUMCSO (acronym pending?) presented the concerto first, followed by an intermission before the Mozart. Most impressive to me about soloist Elliott Huang’s performance of the first movement (which was the only one presented) was the endurance of his virtuosity. The movement is 20 minutes long and has very little space for the soloist to rest. The impressiveness of the performance only went on as the concerto developed. The main theme is quaint and calm, but the elaborations and cadenzas can get furious, at times sounding to a bit more solely technical than musical. Huang played entirely from memory, and he seemed to prepare himself perfectly for the event – only at the very end did he begin to show signs of fatigue. The piece ended with a strong finish, in composition and performance, and the crowd was happy to see such a display of virtuosity from the soloist and the orchestra. About a third of the crowd ended up standing for the multiple encores, and it seemed like they were restless for more immediately. However, they would have to wait for the lights to dim again, because the short program still demanded an intermission.

Music to our ears

Housing Reviews 2015: East Campus (Highrise)
highrise

EC’s most flattering angle

It’s that time of the year again: spring everlasting winter! And that can mean only one thing—the annual installment of Bwog’s housing reviews.  And now the coveted EC high-rises.

Location: 70 Morningside Dr.

  • Nearby dorms: Wien and Plimpton. Stay home basically.
  • Stores and restaurants: Che Bella, HamDel, Appletree Market, SubsConscious, and in some sense (a hopeful if not particularly accurate sense, Max and Kitchenette.

Cost:

  • $9,470 (same as Hogan, Woodbridge, Watt, Ruggles, Claremont, and Symposium)

Amenities:

  • AC/Heating: Yes, to both. Probably some of the best
  • Kitchen/Lounge: Suite kitchens feel modern and clean (at least for the first few weeks) and do come equipped with a dishwasher. Cabinet space is limited, given the number of people sharing, but it’s not completely unmanageably so. Microwaves can be found only in the floor lounges, which are on the whole unremarkable.
  • Computers/Printers: Labs with a printer on the 10th and 18th floors.
  • Bathrooms: One (for five people), with a shower, bathtub, two sinks, and a toilet in a stall. Cleaned on a semiweekly basis.
  • Gym: Two cardio rooms. A bit bleak, but appreciated nonetheless come winter.
  • Intra-transportation: Two elevators that are actually pretty fast and efficient.
  • Wi-Fi: Excellent.
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Suites renovated relatively recently have all-hardwood floors and a linoleum kitchen floor; for the rest, hardwood is covered by that classic college carpet.
  • Laundry: A ton of machines (“high-efficiency”) in the basement where there is never a long wait.

Room Variety:

  • The majority of suites are 5-person with three singles and one unfortunate double.
  • There per floor, one six person and one five person suite comprised exclusively of singles, highly sought after and coveted.
  • The sixth floor of EC has all doubles at 200 sq. ft. each.

Numbers:

  • You need to be mostly seniors, at least, to get a five person. Accept this, and move on. The cutoff last year was 26/2070.
  • The all single groups will be seniors. Last year’s five person single cutoff was 30/2913, but don’t get your hopes up. The year before it was 30/709. Miracles happen every day, but not for you. Last year’s six person cutoff was 30/389. This is typical.
  • 6th floor doubles go to sophomores that don’t want to get shafted in McBain.

Bwog Recommendation:

  • If your lotto number is so bad that you’re considering a 6th floor double, just pick whatever room is the biggest on your day. If that’s a 6th floor double, so be it. They aren’t the best, but are better if you’re living with friends. And you’ll have that New York City view.
  • If you’re a senior and didn’t get your first-choice suite, look to the 5-persons in EC during Senior Regroup; they’re hot commodities then.
  • Honestly, with the exception of the sixth floor doubles, if you can get in you already know how you feel about EC. You are a curious underclassman or an overeager prefrosh.

Coming up, after the jump: resident opinions and pretty pictures

Bwog Endorses TCPFABT

13516_1564058453847337_4970421760927303638_nAfter an arduous week of deliberation and contest, Bwog has decided to endorse The Community Party for a Better Tomorrow in its run for Columbia College Student Council. This is not a resolution that came lightly, it must be noted, but was made after innumerable meetings with candidates for all councils and Senate, as well as phone calls and late, antagonizing nights.

TCPFABT consists of five Dan(i)s:

  • Daniel Stone, President
  • Daniel Garisto, VP Policy
  • Danielle Crosswell, VP Communications
  • Daniel Chi, VP Campus Life
  • Daniel Bergerson, VP Finance

While we are especially motivated by their stance on institutionalized naptimes,* they present compelling green initiatives and thoughts on transparency, better use of the Lion Tamers, and significant student wellness considerations. Perhaps most immediately impactful is their goal to instate pizza vending machines, though long-term changes will too be achieved through more frequent study of students’ quality of life, taken via Quality of Life Pop Quizzes. Bwog has always kept students’ wellness close to its wretched heart.

We do urge TCPFABT to speak out on accessibility, though the party’s intention to cooperate between fellow councils via intermarriage demonstrates their potential here. After many off-the-record interviews with candidates for GSSC and ESC, parties and individuals with more concrete plans for the issue, we can rest knowing that the intermarriage solution should reap progress in terms of accessibility — whether that’s accessibility in actual physical use of buildings and campus or financial barriers, though TCPFABT’s stance on the student life fee, among other things, may be directly pointed toward the latter.

So this Tuesday, please vote TCPFABT for your Columbia College Student Council. We believe they will serve you well.

Sincerely,

Taylor Grasdalen, Editor in Chief

Courtney Couillard, Managing Editor

Britt Fossum, Internal Editor

From our live-tweet reportage of the CCSC debates, we leave you with the following sentiment from the party:

  • Bergerson “takes his cues from admins.”
  • Crosswell “wants to transparentize student government.”
  • Chi “carries around candy in [his] pockets and throws it around.”
  • Chi “wants tattoo(s) of Roaree.”
  • Garisto has “no experience on CCSC. Been to 4 or 5 CCSC meetings. Goes to debates. Understands that being VP Policy is difficult.”
  • Garisto, as stated while literally lying down, “worked at Spec Opinion, knows best opinion on campus, experience with opinions will allow him to do well.”
  • Garisto, in his closing remarks, believes there will be “cooperation among the group because [they are all] named Dan.”
  • Stone “wants to open the tunnels. Tunnels open through the campus, to solve a lot of issues of accessibility.”
  • Stone “agrees with Peter [Bailinson, of It Takes Two CCSC party], would do exactly what Peter does. Peter’s weakness has been in free food department.”

*From the party’s official platform: “Mandatory siestas will be instated. Several rigorous studies compiled over the past 5 decades have shown that naps = very good. From 1PM-2PM Mon-Fri, Columbia campus shuts down. Gates are closed. Everyone drops what they are doing and takes a mandatory nap, except public safety. This counts as a mandatory class for all CC students (10 credits/semester). Being found awake will be detrimental to your grade.”

CCSC Considers A Public Safety Funding Proposal
Public Safety really needs this funding

Public Safety really needs this funding

Last night was the last CCSC meeting with this CCSC board as we know it. Before you get all nostalgic and cast those votes tomorrow, Joe Milholland, loyal CCSC fan regardless of who’s on it, brings you the latest CCSC business. 

On Sunday night, the Columbia College Student Council discussed a resolution that would change the way Public Safety charges for student events. Useantor Jared Odessky, who presented the resolution to the council, said it aims to implement an algorithm that would calculate the cost of an event. If Public Safety wanted to spend more money for security at event than what the algorithm calculated, the extra cost would be covered by an outside fund rather than a student group. Odessky described this as a “content-neutral” pricing system.

The resolution comes after student groups complained about being charged more by CPS for controversial events. There is a fund for CPS security at student events, but, for expenses over $600, groups have to apply, often after the fact, to get the security costs covered by the fund, and funding does not always come in.

Student leaders have been trying to deal with this issue since at least last year. This school year, the admins re-established a CPS advisory committee required by state law and composed of one-third students, one-third faculty, and one-third administrators. However, the committee only met once at the beginning of the second semester, and, according to Odessky, CPS dominated the discussion at the meeting for most of its time.

CPS admits that they charge more for controversial events, but they justify their actions by saying that the increased security is necessary at controversial events. Mariam Elnozahy, the current Vice Chair of SGB (the student governing board that oversees activist groups), mentioned that an event by the Caribbean Students Association was hampered by CPS expenses.

Class of 2018 President Ezra Gontownik asked about the event review process and excessive safety fees. Specifically, he was worried that students would be funding for over-charged security costs. Odessky admitted that CPS acts a business unit where they are both the customer and provider. Elnozahy mentioned that this has been an issue for a while but that the proposal was a “realistic” and “grass roots” effort to improve the situation. Elnozahy noted that public safety fees can change suddenly even if a group reviews the costs well in advance. Usenator Marc Heinrich mentioned that the security costs will ultimately come out of students’ pockets anyway.

On the subject of funding the costs, Odessky said he didn’t know where the funding will ultimately come from.

How’d the vote go?

Bwoglines: Tourism Edition
A Mary Poppins travel bag

A Mary Poppins travel bag

A new fence in front of the tourist section of the White House is coming along with a new President in 2016. (NY Times)

In an effort to address its low levels of tourism since 2011, Egypt has released a new visa law in which tourist visas will only be granted to groups traveling with a certified travel agency. (Al-Monitor)

No summer plans yet? May we suggest spending a couple of nights in the newly-tourist heavy Ozarks of Northwest Arkansas? (Arkansas Online)

Given an increase in tourism in New Jersey, it’s time for all you NJ residents to co-opt the typically Miami phrase, “I live where you vacation.”  (Daily Record)

Cliche stops via Shutterstock 

CUSS Presents: Colonial Columbia

To help us get through a long night of studying for the impending week, our dear friends at CUSS put together yet another brilliant video. Check it out below. Talk about a throwback Sunday, huh?!

Colonial Columbia from Bwog on Vimeo.