what your face looks like when you talk to your mom

Give it a try

Remember when the entire lexicon of AOL emoticons consisted of tilted punctuation? Do we even need to say “XD”? How far we’ve come. Can we put down the hundreds of emoji available to us and just pick up the phone? Alexander Pines, CC ’16, says it might be time to stop screenshitting and start calling.

You’re at a party that’s quickly going downhill, iPhone in hand in order to look busy or interesting or something, and you’ve just realized that the last conversation you had with your friends consisted of sending [heart] [airplane] and [happy alien] in response to [sad face] [candy] [blue shirt]. You sent your boyfriend a panda next to a gun next to a wrapped gift and couldn’t understand why he doesn’t take you seriously. The emojis need to [stop sign].

Without a doubt, texting and smart phones have irrevocably changed the landscape of the English language. Linguists are arguing that texting improves writing and spelling for children and while Orwell might be crying newspeak and doublethink from the grave, the Oxford English Dictionary added OMG, LOL, FYI, and TMI in 2011. It follows that actual phone calls might be going the way of landlines and VHS, right?

Wrong.