Feb

4

Why won’t Columbia tell the truth about gay cowboys, dropouts?

Written by

In an official announcement on Columbia alums nominated for Oscars:

Brokeback Mountain has been the film to beat this awards season. Aside from its Oscar nominations for best director, best actor, best supporting actor (Jake Gyllenhaal, CC ’02) …

He was supposed to graduate in 2004. He didn’t–he dropped out to play a gay cowboy. Which is fine, but it means he DID NOT GRADUATE, unlike, say, his sister or his uncle the man who used to be married to his mother.

Update: The October issue of The Blue & White chronicled the sad lives of Columbia failures like Langston Hughes, Alexander Hamilton, and the gay cowboy himself. See his entry after the jump.

Jake Gyllenhaal
2002 Dropout
Failed Actor

Reasons for Quitting: Already living in the shadow of his far more talented and attractive sister Maggie—a proud Columbia graduate herself—Jake had a difficult time getting acclimated to Morningside. He was especially upset that his talents never matched those of the Columbia performing arts scene. To wit, he was rejected by CMTS, Nomads, The Varsity Show, King’s Crown, Orchesis, and every single a cappella group on campus. He did land a part in a single student production, but most audiences found his Vagina Monologue to be “uninformed.”

Post Columbia “Career”:
Bubble Boy.
The Day After Tomorrow.
That gay cowboy movie.

Tags: , , , ,

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.