True love may be foreign to the Blue and White, but the quest for it is not, as evidenced by our staffers’ personal ads in the February edition.

Well, our quest may soon come to an end. One eligible bachelor on staff was such a hot item that he demanded two personals:

Long snaky tongue, velvety hands, and no sense of smell. I was built to pleasure a woman. 2480

I’m going to end up with a Jewish girl and that makes me sick. 2480

Well, guess what? Our not-so-genty gent has just received a response from a secret admirer! The note, on beautiful, elaborate pink stationary (maybe scented, but the recipient isn’t sure), reads:

Gentile with no gag reflex thinks you’re cute. By “straddle my tension,” do mean get coffee sometime?
–Figure it out. Follow the large purple flowers made out of acetate.

The big question is—sodium acetate or cellulose acetate?

Regardless, we will have her!