What’s Playing Nearby
Written by Bwog Staff
In which staffer Mark Krotov gives movie suggestions for those who fear to venture off the 1, 2, and 3 lines.
AMC Loews 84th Street 6
84th and Broadway
An animated film about doggies, diamonds, and deep-freeze, voiced by Ian McKellen, Judi Dench, Kylie Minogue, and Jimmy Fallon. Clearly, this will appeal to the crucial demographic that enjoys British actors paired with Australian pop stars and American morons.
Final Destination 3
The third time around, the destination better be pretty f***in’ final.
Los Angeles. Crooked cops. Cuba “badass” Gooding Jr. This movie also serves as the combined to Boat Trip, Snow Dogs, and Radio.
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion
This is the sequel to Diary of a Mad Black Woman. It stars Maya Angelou. Yes, that Maya Angelou.
Lincoln Plaza Cinemas
Broadway between 62nd and 63rd
Oscar-nominated for best foreign film, but there must be a Holocaust movie this could lose to.
Juliette Binoche? Great. Ambiguous ethnic tension? Priceless.
Because this film addresses a gay man in Kansas, it is safe to say that the state’s new-and-improved science classes probably won’t be using it as study material.
Mrs. Henderson Presents
An innovative new film that involves Britishness, whimsy, nudity, and Judi Dench playing a crotchety old woman.
The Squid and the Whale
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
AMC Loews Lincoln Square 12
68th and Broadway
Because sled dogs were not enough of a challenge, Paul Walker tries to master the art of performing oral pleasure.
Did you know that Harrison Ford turned down the lead in Traffic? And that he thinks they’re still making an Indiana Jones 4? So, Firewall’s just a stopgap, really.
A documentary about a city known for its heavyhandedness, moral ambiguity, and gratuitous 9/11 references.
The Pink Panther
A remake of a Peter Sellers movie that stars Beyonce Knowles makes irony very, very difficult.
Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
Post-modernism and Al Pacino imitations, all wrapped up in an irresistibly British package. And bad teeth. Definitely bad teeth.
Good Night, and Good Luck
Walk the Line