What’s Playing Nearby

Written by

In which staffer Mark Krotov gives movie suggestions for those who fear to venture off the 1, 2, and 3 lines.

AMC Loews 84th Street 6

84th and Broadway

Dave Chappelle’s Block Party

Any attempt at sarcasm goes out the window when confronted with a movie directed by Michel Gondry (of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), starring Dave Chappelle, and featuring performances by Kanye West, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, The Roots, and the Fugees (!), among others.


Rather than attempt to summarize this masterwork, I will defer to my friend Sam Ryan, who, in response to a recent posting, noted, “ULTRAVIOLET: MORE LIKE ULPOOPVIOPOOP.” Indeed.


[conversation in progress]

Ian McKellen: No! I will not do a voiceover for an animated film that features Jimmy Fallon.

Harvey Weinstein: I own you.

Ian McKellen: Alright, but only if Dame Judi does it with me.

Harvey: Yes, yes I like it. Ian McKellen, Judi Dench, Jimmy Fallon, and…

Bob Weinstein: Whoopi Goldberg?

Harvey: YES! I love it!

Final Destination 3

The name of the movie, and the feeling I get when I realize I have to fly out of Newark. Again.

Also Playing:

Curious George

Date Movie

Running Scared

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion

Lincoln Plaza Cinemas

Broadway between 62nd and 63rd

Cache (Hidden)

It’s Amélie, without the whitewashedness, the accordion, and the redemptive power of love.

The Squid and the Whale

A movie that shows us that writers make bad parents. James Frey, please take notes.

The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada

Not a commercial for a Spanish-speaking funeral parlor, but it would be quite a payday.


There are very few jokes that can be made about a film about gang activity in Soweto…Oh, did you expect a joke, anyway? Sorry.

Also Playing:


Mrs. Henderson Presents

AMC Loews Lincoln Square 12

68th and Broadway

16 Blocks

He’s fought a lot of tough guys in his life, but now, Bruce Willis takes on his biggest challenge: The New York Commissioner’s Plan of 1811. There won’t be a single block left by the time he’s done with them.


A film about a mermaid that washes onshore and tries to adapt to modern tweendom. This has to be some sort of commentary on rising sea levels, right? Right?

Deep Sea 3D

Kate Winslet and Johnny Depp narrate underwater adventures. Hopefully, they do not discover any tween mermaids.

Good Night, and Good Luck

If you thought cigarettes couldn’t get any cooler, check this out. Stars beautiful, radiant cigarettes, with cameos by David Strathairn and George Clooney.

Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story

I will continue to pimp this movie until someone decides to pull it from theaters. But for now, please go see it. It’s the funniest post-modern mockery of post-modernism since Aquamarine.

Also Playing:



The Pink Panther

Brokeback Mountain

Eight Below

Match Point

Roving Mars



Tags: , , ,


  1. Anonymous

    Tristam Shandy really rocked my world. I got conned by a friend into seeing it but it was incredible. As in old people glaring at us because we were laughing so hard.

  2. pbb

    has anyone seen ultraviolet yet? I really want to go to see it tonight, but as with most terrible sci-fi action movies, it wasn't screened for the press, and so there are no reviews to describing exactly how bad it is.

    i googled "ultraviolet review" and all that came up was a bunch of information about a late 90s vampire mini-series of the same name that appeared on BBC Channel 4, and a review of a perfume called Ultraviolet that user "MurkyDismal" says is "Ultra Stylish"

  3. sam

    move over ebert, sam ryan is the new star of movie reviews.

    a freebie for next week, written in a more cliché mark krotov style:

    the shaggy dog: a documentary, shot in real time, of a day in tim allen's life after sinking into a deep depression over the stalled "santa clause 4", gaining a couple hundred pounds, and letting his back-hair shaving lapse.

    lol kthxbye

  4. casey

    I saw "Good Luck" on the plane back from Spring break. It was very good. I also look forward to Thank You for Smoking.

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.