What’s Playing Nearby
Written by Bwog Staff
In which staffer Mark Krotov gives movie suggestions for those who fear to venture off the 1, 2, and 3 lines.
AMC Loews 84th Street 6
84th and Broadway
Dave Chappelle’s Block Party
Any attempt at sarcasm goes out the window when confronted with a movie directed by Michel Gondry (of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), starring Dave Chappelle, and featuring performances by Kanye West, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, The Roots, and the Fugees (!), among others.
Rather than attempt to summarize this masterwork, I will defer to my friend Sam Ryan, who, in response to a recent posting, noted, “ULTRAVIOLET: MORE LIKE ULPOOPVIOPOOP.” Indeed.
[conversation in progress]
Ian McKellen: No! I will not do a voiceover for an animated film that features Jimmy Fallon.
Harvey Weinstein: I own you.
Ian McKellen: Alright, but only if Dame Judi does it with me.
Harvey: Yes, yes I like it. Ian McKellen, Judi Dench, Jimmy Fallon, and…
Bob Weinstein: Whoopi Goldberg?
Harvey: YES! I love it!
Final Destination 3
The name of the movie, and the feeling I get when I realize I have to fly out of Newark. Again.
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion
Lincoln Plaza Cinemas
Broadway between 62nd and 63rd
It’s Amélie, without the whitewashedness, the accordion, and the redemptive power of love.
The Squid and the Whale
A movie that shows us that writers make bad parents. James Frey, please take notes.
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
Not a commercial for a Spanish-speaking funeral parlor, but it would be quite a payday.
There are very few jokes that can be made about a film about gang activity in Soweto…Oh, did you expect a joke, anyway? Sorry.
Mrs. Henderson Presents
AMC Loews Lincoln Square 12
68th and Broadway
He’s fought a lot of tough guys in his life, but now, Bruce Willis takes on his biggest challenge: The New York Commissioner’s Plan of 1811. There won’t be a single block left by the time he’s done with them.
A film about a mermaid that washes onshore and tries to adapt to modern tweendom. This has to be some sort of commentary on rising sea levels, right? Right?
Deep Sea 3D
Kate Winslet and Johnny Depp narrate underwater adventures. Hopefully, they do not discover any tween mermaids.
Good Night, and Good Luck
If you thought cigarettes couldn’t get any cooler, check this out. Stars beautiful, radiant cigarettes, with cameos by David Strathairn and George Clooney.
Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
I will continue to pimp this movie until someone decides to pull it from theaters. But for now, please go see it. It’s the funniest post-modern mockery of post-modernism since Aquamarine.
The Pink Panther