Mar

24

What’s Playing Nearby

Written by

In which staffer Mark Krotov gives movie suggestions for those who fear to venture off the 1, 2, and 3 lines.

AMC Loews 84th Street 6

84th and Broadway

Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Feel very proud to live in a blue state. Mr. Guy’s recurring statement, “Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are” does not apply to watching an overweight Southerner fumbling his way through a one and a half-hour movie.

Stay Alive
The appeal for video-game movies that do not star Angelina Jolie or Milla Jovovich seems slightly limited, at least until SimCity: The Movie, starring Professor Kenneth Jackson.

V for Vendetta
See terrorism-expert Natalie Portman in her best performance since that SNL rap video.

The Hills Have Eyes
Sex between mutants and humans– the new frontier in the culture wars.

Also Playing:
The Shaggy Dog

Lincoln Plaza Cinemas

Broadway between 62nd and 63rd

Don’t Come Knocking
German director Wim Wenders makes another film about America. America doesn’t notice; it’s too busy watching Larry the Cable Guy.

The Child (L’Enfant)
Before heading out tonight, enjoy this Belgian tale of a young dad resorting to thievery to support his teenage wife and their baby boy. It may put the Nacho’s body shots in perspective.

Capote
See Oscar-winner Philip Seymour Hoffman knock it out of the indie film park.

Mrs. Henderson Presents
New Yorkers cannot get enough of Judi Dench playing a sarcastic but ultimately lovable woman with an individualistic streak. I guess the city really is full of adventurous film buffs.

Also Playing:
Caché
Tsotsi

AMC Loews Lincoln Square 12

68th and Broadway

Inside Man
On a personal note, this is my most anticipated movie of the season (Spike Lee takes on a heist movie). On a broader note, Clive Owen is hot (I want to be held by him).

Find Me Guilty
Strangely, this film, starring Vin Diesel as a charming gangster(!) and directed by 82-year-old Sidney Lumet(!), has received good reviews(!). A cast that also includes Ron Silver and Peter Dinklage makes this worth-seeing(?).

She’s the Man
If there were one star who could reinterpret The Twelfth Nigh, it would have to be tween legend Amanda Bynes. This film, in addition to the recent Aquamarine, makes it a really good time to be 12.

Thank You for Smoking
When you leave the theater, have a cigarette. Just to fuck with them.

V is for Vendetta: The IMAX Experience
Natalie’s Portman’s bald head is bigger than you ever imagined.

Failure to Launch
I was very upset when this film didn’t flop, because I wasn’t able to write things like, “‘Launch’ Fails to Launch,” or “A Real ‘Failure to Launch.’” So instead, a new level of biting irony: Matthew McConaughey: he can’t even act! He just walks around with his shirt off! That’ll show ‘em.

Also Playing:
Ask the Dust
The Libertine
16 Blocks
Deep Sea 3D
Roving Mars
Match Point
Brokeback Mountain
Transamerica
Syriana

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3 Comments

  1. Bryan Mochizuki

    You forgot to italicize Syriana. Mike Jones.

  2. Bryan Mochizuki

    You're sly. I retract.

  3. becky

    I watched that natalie portman video when you were there.

    ALSO

    is it true that one of vin diesel's lines in Find Me Guilty is "not guilty y'all got to feel me"?

    ALSO

    I thought aquamarine was a great film for all ages. Did I say ages? I meant barfs.

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