Written by Bwog Staff
Admit it, you’re glad you didn’t have to sit out in the rain for the class days and Commencement, but you kind of want to know if anything interesting happened during the graduation festivities. As usual, Bwog’s got you covered.
Precipitation: It rained, dulling the much-ballyhooed McCain protest (sez the NY Times), and giving rise to griping grandaunts and yelling matches between stressed parents and seniors. Parent quote of the day: “Well, I figure, I sometimes sit in snow for five or six hours to hunt some elk, so, I figure why not sit through a bit o’ rain for the son’s graduation?”
Salutation: CC Salutatorian Julia DiBenigno spoke gleefully of the joys of “familiar faces,” “experimenting with who we are and who we want to be,” and the “memories that will last a lifetime.” Quoting Peter Parker, she reminded graduates that with great power comes great responsibility. Lukewarm applause ensued.
Pontification: The senior senator from Arizona intoned on the “fight between right and wrong” that we are apparently now facing, in a speech remarkably similar to the address he gave to Liberty University grads three days before. Hey, if it’s good enough for a school that does the good work of God, why change?
Duplication: One of the Cohen twins got magna cum laude, while the other got just the laude. I mean, they’re fraternal. Identical twins Paul and Phil Fileri, on the other hand, both were honored with summa cum laude. Snap!
Jubilation: You’ve got to hand it to PrezBo—for having given three commencement speeches already, he’s still churning out zingers like eviction notices in Manhattanville, as well as ponderous pronouncements such as how the Iraq war might have been avoided if we were all a bit more educated. The word “procrastination” drew applause from across the board, but audience response typically followed State of the Union style: CC students went wild over his quotations of Montaigne, medical students screamed at the mention of 168th street, and Bwog is willing to make an assumption about who cheered when he talked about India’s advances in computer engineering.
Projectilation?: All the classes threw their appropriate objects upon being called. Columbia College launched apple cores for the core curriculum (mostly aimed at SEAS). International flags for SIPA, giant toothbrushes for the School of Dentistry, mini gavels for future lawyers, paper airplanes for SEAS…you get the picture.