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Senior Wisdom: Greta Gerwig

This is the seventh post in the senior wisdom series. Read the rest here.

Greta Gerwig, B ‘06
Claims to fame: Tea Party improvisatory comedy, Varsity Show 111, writin’ plays.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

I’m a douche-bag if I say I go to Columbia. You can work the myth of Sisyphus into any paper. There’s enough room for two improv groups at this school: Tea Party and Klaritin.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

Getting cast as the star of Varsity Show, starring in Varsity Show, being recognized for starring in Varsity Show. Varsity Varsity Varsity.

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?

Telling my professor that I couldn’t turn in my paper on time because I had fallen in love.

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

The two people who had sex on top of Low causing Lerner Pub to be taken away. I know who they are.

Which Prof do you think would be the best kisser?

James Shapiro. Firm but tender.

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

I think a better question is “what percentage of seniors have had sex with only one person?” I would say a lot.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

Don’t ever put those things in the same sentence…cheese.

Days on Campus memory?

The minute I figured out I did not, in fact, have to go to any of the activities.

Regrets?

CAVAing myself. If I was sober enough to look up their number and dial the
phone, I probably didn’t need their services.

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7 Comments

  • wow says:

    @wow your answer to the sex question was the most profound yet. and i too share the experience of cavaing myself.

  • M.R. says:

    @M.R. Haha, only 2 Improv groups on Campus? Fruit Paunch gets Burrrrrned!

  • lerner pub says:

    @lerner pub what happened to lerner pub? People had sex on top of low? do tell!

  • lerner pub says:

    @lerner pub what was lerner pub?

  • lerner pub says:

    @lerner pub lerner pub is a ‘weekly’ free beer event for seniors.

  • lerner pub says:

    @lerner pub I thank Lerner Pub for giving me the opportunity to get drunk and hook up with every girl I’ve had a crush on over the past 4 years. I feel like I’ve accomplished so much at this school because of the pub.

  • Stupid Bwog says:

    @Stupid Bwog I think when she mentions the myth of Sisyphus she’s not referring to the actual myth but to the tremendously awesome essay by Camus, “The Myth of Sisyphus.” So, yeah, punctuate things correctly. Or read a book. Whichever.

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