Hot or Not, or just Not or Not? — The Class of 2010 NSOP Facebook
Written by Bwog Staff
In which Bwog contributor Addison Anderson cracks open the glossy pre-yearbook destined for dust collection on shelves everywhere.
For this article to succeed, people to actually open up the 2010 Facebook handed out to every freshman. So, upperclassmen: steal a copy, and start browsing for hot-from-the-neck-up first-years. I found twenty-six, although my number might be high since I’m coming off a summer drought. I’m not going to give my personal faves now since I want first crack, but later I’ll give out a few prizes for qualities besides appearance. As for you fresh-years: get off facebook.com right now. I know you haven’t had it for very long, but the site has become officially weird.
Now, read along with me!
Page 1: Leave it to
Page 2: The NSOP Committee’s group picture. Smiling faces and peace signs and bunny ears and Churchill Vs abound, the usual, but then at the far right there’s Tony Fu CC ’09 looking way too cool for this whole picture/book/school. He’s looking way out of the frame and has a thumb in his pants pocket, which is all code for being cool. He’s
probably thinking: “I’m a Publication Coordinator for this very facebook, and I just made a table of contents that will break kids’ minds. I rule.” Tony Fu CC ’09 does rule.
Pages 4-5: : “Barnard & Columbia”: A strange and depressing explanation of the Barnard-Columbia “partnership”/”relationship”/”agreement”/”collaboration,” repeating and combining those buzz words twelve times in a seven paragraph essay. The whole thing reads like a preemptive assault on the “Barnard is
Pages 6-15: : Administrator photos alongside “Please Read Our Emails Maybe?” testimonials. Chris Colombo’s visage exudes the stocky confidence of a Kruschev or
Churchill. Bollinger’s tie is bad. Also, chipper greetings from a Barnard Res Life Director: “As you arrive in your residence hall and room, I hope you take note of and enjoy the informative and stimulating bulletin boards, the personalized door decorations, and the amazing upper class women who will be smiling and welcoming you to Barnard as your Resident Assistants.” Stimulating boards, personalized doors, and women who will be smiling! Note to self: stop talking about the relationship.
Page 16: : “the city,” little snippets about interesting
Page 19: : A tour of the neighborhood. One quote will suffice: “Though
Page 20: : Cool tidbits of
Page 21: : Thirteen things to do before you graduate. “Encounter romance in the Butler Stacks”…listen, this is a PC way of saying you should have sex in the library, not re-read all of
Thus ends my first installment of the 2006 Facebook Review. Tune in later for the mugshot awards.