In which Bwog staffer Mark Krotov familiarizes us with the nooks and crannies at Columbia best suited for getting it on.

Wearing Butler Goggles

When sitting in Butler for eight hours straight has yielded little progress aside from two annotated pages of Confessions and seventeen updates to your Facebook profile, head outside where, chances are, at least five young men and women are standing around in a circle, discussing how over Tapes n Tapes are. It would be social suicide to approach anyone directly, but a sly glance in their direction can guarantee a response, especially if the glance says, “I will totally make out with you if you give me a cigarette.” Desperate? Sure. But after a short cigarette break, the dignity that you have just lost will be forgotten, and you will attain the deep focus that will prepare you for at least four more pages before you call it a night.

Seeing the Light in a CAVA Ambulance:

Both of you are covered in vomit and you are nearly comatose, and she has just exerted more effort than she ever thought possible telling the CAVA guys exactly what you drank and at what time you started to go downhill. But look around. Isn’t it romantic? The two of you resting quietly (you are on the stretcher, she is leaning next to it, attempting not to fall over) in the stark brightness, College Walk speeding by outside at three miles an hour. Here, it is just the two of you. And suddenly, she has never looked more beautiful, bathed in the fluorescence. You reach up to kiss her, knowing that you will not remember any of it when you wake up in St. Lukes.

More makeout spots after the jump.

Alma Mater Is Watching You:

It says that the two of you are official. It shucks ambiguity to announce that you two are an item, brought together by God Almighty or by a field trip to the Met or by a late night at 1020. Standing there under the glory of the idol, it is the two of you versus the world, so make your relationship known! No body part should be left ungrabbed, no facial feature unlicked. This, after all, is real love. Real love must not be fostered quietly, it must beg for attention and be rubbed in the faces of every student!

The Hungarian Pastry and Intergenerational Love Shop:

When you walk in, it seems a little too dark and definitely too crowded, but when he walks in, he is reminded of the intellectually nourishing summer he spent in Vienna researching at the Esperanto museum, so defer to him on this one. After all, he is European, and he totally loved your French composition about Victor Hugo, and that stubble! He feigns surprise, and seeks for reassurance that things will not be awkward. (They will be, but you don’t care.) You do not know that he chose a seat in the back corner not for the intimacy, but because he did not want his other female students to see him here with someone else. But for now, watch as he leans in, his arm gently grazing the half-melted éclair as he moves toward your face. As his expensive cologne overpowers the scent of mediocre coffee, you know that you will definitely get that A.

Deconstructing Modernism at Lehman:

Although it may not have ever been directly mentioned in the architectural plans, it is that Lehman Library in the International Affairs Building was built to suppress all human emotion. Walks along the stacks on the bottom floor; it quickly becomes evident that no one has been reading about Estonian economic policy in 1996 for quite awhile. Thus, as an intellectual Columbia student who has the interplay of symbolism and provocation on the brain, your mission is to challenge this forceful architectural imposition, and the best way to do that is to let the love juices flow. Sure, your Latin American Politics study partner may not be especially attractive, but who doesn’t want to make out in the name of subverting architectural paradigms?

photo from Bwog’s coverage of last year’s”big kiss.”