In which Bwog allows you to feel like you were there without actually having to sit through it.
Chris Colombo, Dean of Student Affairs: lived up to his Sopranos-worthy name by welcoming all ’10-ers to the family.
Cindy Horowitz, head of NSOP: do we even have a pre-law major? Sweet, but why is there a sophomore running the show this year?
Kwame Spearman, alumnus: kids and parents ate up his facebook jokes and smooth oratorical stylings. Money quote: “I’ll tell you a few things after your parents leave… but we’ll talk about that later.” Hitting on the first-years before classes have even started. Good luck at Yale, Kwame.
Austin Quigley, Dean of Columbia College: killed, as always. With that accent, he could read the phonebook and the parents would be impressed.
Zvi Galil, Dean of SEAS: he envies you. And when you engineers are bombarded with his emails, don’t say he didn’t warn you.
Lee “PrezBo” Bollinger, President of Columbia University: plugged Brinkley’s book review in the times before he got around to welcoming the new crop of students, but a very nice speech overall. The hair looked great, the pop culture references were spot-on, and he actually uttered the phrase “just keeping it real, dawg.” Gotta love an academic who can quote American Idol and be self-aware about it.
Roll on Columbia, muddled ditty: don’t feel bad freshies, no one knows the words. And if you avoid pre-Homecoming pep rallies, you’ll never have to hear it again.
Convocation, a “tradition” started at Columbia four years ago, has been the same ever since: always too long, and always humid. But you’ll never feel so welcome at Columbia. Congratulations, class of 2010—Bwog’s happy you’re here too.