Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

QuickConvocation

convocIn which Bwog allows you to feel like you were there without actually having to sit through it.

Chris Colombo, Dean of Student Affairs: lived up to his Sopranos-worthy name by welcoming all ’10-ers to the family.

Cindy Horowitz, head of NSOP: do we even have a pre-law major?  Sweet, but why is there a sophomore running the show this year?

Kwame Spearman, alumnus: kids and parents ate up his facebook jokes and smooth oratorical stylings.  Money quote: “I’ll tell you a few things after your parents leave… but we’ll talk about that later.”  Hitting on the first-years before classes have even started.  Good luck at Yale, Kwame.



Austin Quigley, Dean of Columbia College:
killed, as always.  With that accent, he could read the phonebook and the parents would be impressed.

Zvi Galil, Dean of SEAS: he envies you.  And when you engineers are bombarded with his emails, don’t say he didn’t warn you.

Lee “PrezBo” Bollinger, President of Columbia University: plugged Brinkley’s book review in the times before he got around to welcoming the new crop of students, but a very nice speech overall.  The hair looked great, the pop culture references were spot-on, and he actually uttered the phrase “just keeping it real, dawg.”  Gotta love an academic who can quote American Idol and be self-aware about it.

Roll on Columbia, muddled ditty: don’t feel bad freshies, no one knows the words.  And if you avoid pre-Homecoming pep rallies, you’ll never have to hear it again.

Convocation, a “tradition” started at Columbia four years ago, has been the same ever since: always too long, and always humid.  But you’ll never feel so welcome at Columbia.  Congratulations, class of 2010—Bwog’s happy you’re here too.

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

6 Comments

  • hmm says:

    @hmm “Convocation, a “tradition” started at Columbia four years ago”

    Columbia’s Oldest Tradition- Letting traditions die before reviving them years later in an attempt to appear to have ‘traditions.’

    Most Columbia traditions only go back at most 20 years…

    No there isnt a pre-law major.

    Last year Columbo trotted to the podium, surveyed the crowd and boldly announced “I am Dean Columbo.” I waited for egomaniacal laughter to follow and was disappointed. At no point did he manage to actually say “Welcome to Columbia Class of 2010”, instead telling everyone what a wonderful group the NSOP organizers were and various other organizations involved.

    Then again, what did you expect from someone who’s title is dean of Student AFFAIRS.

    I

  • whoah says:

    @whoah has bwog enabled HTML?

  • test says:

    @test Has bwog enabled HTML?

  • nah says:

    @nah its the usual- if you have an open bracket, it deletes everything after. so don’t try to *heart* or nothing.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I have now attended convocation all four years.

  • R!ck says:

    @R!ck Oopsies, I didn’t attend.

  • Have Your Say

    What should Bwog's new tagline be?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Recent Comments

    is it too late to bully them into letting me take a gap year? :( (read more)
    Academic Calendar Updates, Pre-Orientation Programs Canceled Or Modified
    June 29, 2020
    This is great news Columbia is opening up on schedule. (read more)
    Academic Calendar Updates, Pre-Orientation Programs Canceled Or Modified
    June 25, 2020
    EXPEL ALL RACISTS FROM COLUMBIA! Tod Howard Hawks, Columbia College, Class of 1966 (read more)
    Racist Messages In FIJI GroupMe Surface, Involved Members Asked To Disaffiliate
    June 25, 2020
    It is great Columbia will be opening on time in the fall. (read more)
    Academic Calendar Updates, Pre-Orientation Programs Canceled Or Modified
    June 25, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel