Sep

13

Personals: what will you read into his words? his eyes?

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By now you’ve been to all of your classes, but your classmates and your TAs just don’t do it for you. Internet dating will solve your woes! If our man Ethan or our woman Hannah is your type, (s)he can be yours too: email us at [email protected] and introduce yourself. If (s)he’s up for a date, we’ll give you two five dollars for coffee, or strawberries, or whatever. And remember: if you’ve a friend you want to badly embarass, we’ll gladly accept nominations.

   Guy for Girl 
  Girl for Guy
 
Ethan Pack
Hannah G.


Name: Ethan Pack

School: CC

Year: 2008

Major: Comp Lit & Society

Hometown: Kansas City

Top three songs according to ITunes’ play count:

“I’m Only Sleeping,” The Beatles

“Jesus, Etc.” Wilco

“I Might Be Wrong,” Radiohead

You’re trapped on a desert island with three foods—which are they?

Macaroni and cheese. Doritos. Shawarma.

Describe your favorite pair of underwear.

My chastity belt, made of pure steel.

It’s 2 o’clock on a Sunday afternoon. Where can you be found?

I’m only sleeping.

Nightmare date in three words or less:

Dead body.

So, what are you doing after college?

I’m not a prophet. At least not about myself.

When I first came to Columbia, I thought…

Why does everyone here think having fun is a waste of time?

TCBY or Tasti-Delight?

Maggie Moo’s, a place in Kansas City; it’s way better.

Flight, invisibility, or X-Ray vision?

Flight.

Ethan! You’re the one for me!

 

Name: Hannah G.

School: CC

Year: 2008/09 (started with 08, took a year off)

Major: something useless

Hometown: Pistol Wavin’ New Haven, CT (but only I’m allowed to call it that)

Top three songs according to ITunes’ play count:

I deleted that playlist because it’s always wrong, but according to my Recently Played list, the last three songs I heard are: “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz, a cover of Franz Ferdinand’s “Take Me Out” by Scissor Sisters and “Redemption Song” by Bob Marley.

You’re trapped on a desert island with three foods—which are they?

Mangoes in any form, tortilla chips with lime, porterhouse for protein.

Describe your favorite pair of underwear.

I used to have a pair in a tacky flower print that brought good luck but it ran its course and I’ve been searching for a replacement ever since.

It’s 2 o’clock on a Sunday afternoon. Where can you be found?

Going on hour two of the four it will take me to buy groceries at Fairway. I spend a lot of time smelling fruit and checking the sugar content of tomato sauces.

Nightmare date in three words or less:

Flunitrazepam. 

So, what are you doing after college?

Studying puppetry in an obscure foreign country.

When I first came to Columbia,  I thought…

the administration would care about me (tear…)

TCBY or Tasti-Delight?

Pssh, I only eat real ice cream.

Flight, invisibility, or X-Ray vision?

Invisibility, definitely, because flying is easily simulated and who needs x-ray vision but superheroes and voyeurs?

Unusual talents?

None, just the usual ones. But I am unusually untalented at things like doing somersaults and riding escalators.

MySpace or Facebook?

I wish I could say neither…. Facebook is like the emotionally abusive boyfriend I just can’t bring myself to break up with.

Hannah! You’re the one for me! 

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26 Comments

  1. Humph!  

    Maggie Moo's is everywhere, including my hometown. They're like Cold Stone Creamery but lamer.

  2. this post  

    went from bad formatting to ugly. I'm not dating anyone in those ugly early HTML-esque frames. not until the 90s come back.

  3. what is with  

    all the complaints about formatting. i hardly notice anything.

  4. what!  

    Maggie Moo's is it! They throw ice cream at you.

  5. dear bwog

    perhaps in the future you could feature some non-straight people in your personals features??

  6. Bwog Staff  

    We'd love to. Feel free to nominate yourself or your friends, of any sexual orientation.

  7. I love  

    Hannah's facebook assessment. So true.

  8. Dear bwog  

    how about some non-useless majors in your personals features? Math? Physics? *real* engineering, god forbid?

  9. i think  

    these personals are too HETERONORMATIVE. open your mind, bwog.

  10. Bwog Staff  

    #11, see #6.
    #10, see "READ MORE" and please nominate all of your gorgeous/dashing or quaint/curious or smart/piquant or whatever/it really doesn't matter engineer friends.

  11. whats the matter?  

    are engineers and homosexuals devoid of the ability to pick someone up on their own?

  12. OHNOES!  

    Bwog needs more multiculturalism! Where's the queer engineers!

  13. Hannah- 2 words hun-  

    Eyebrow Waxer.

  14. hahaha  

    agree #19. 3 and a half thumbs up for most apt use of the anonymity feature.

  15. macaca  

    i would date hannah, but i'm currently tied up...and getting whipped by a filipino hairdresser named juanathan while being forced to scream "aray!!!!" (tagalog for "ouch") while typing this. thank you bwog for allowing me to fulfil my sexual fantasy of being punished by a minority after being caught cruising personals :).

  16. dear all y'all,

    i know you're all really witty & everything, but when i asked if there could be queer personals, i genuinely wanted an answer--i didn't know people were nominated, now i do.

    your acting like that question was some sort of CRAZY OUTLANDISH ANTI-OPPRESSION-INSPIRED demand is a little upsetting... i mean, what kind of backlash is going on when talking about something outside of white heteronormativy is constantly made fun of?? do you seriously believe asking for nonstraight personals is too shocc-esque??

    • i'm afraid you're  

      underestimating the cynical snark that dominates the avg. columbians personality. it has nothing to do w/your cause. we're just kind of jerks

    • i'm gay, too...  

      and I think that you need to get a life and, once you do, take it less seriously. if you can't see the humor in what you're saying ("white heteronormativITY"), you're never going to make it. All that aside, Hannah's a bombshell and if I weren't otherwise occupied with my boyfriend, she'd be mine!

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