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Ahmadinejad is a meanie, we poop on him
Ahmadinejad is a meanie, we want to have an open cultural dialogue
By
Bwog Staff on
Sep 22, 2006 
20 Comments
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20 Comments
@Woah This was the best Spec of the year
@olson's a good dude and he’s writing A SPORTS COLUMN. let it be. ghost, maybe you should pick up a hobby. i masturbate. keeps me out of trouble.
@Ghost of Shoop I don’t understand Jake’s reference to Duke tickets.
And I agree. An absolutely awful column. He should do us all a favor and mention Fordham’s RPI (hint — of the 120 teams, Fordham’s just about at the bottom, far below Columbia). Or maybe briefly remark on the joke that is Columbia’s non-league schedule. But no. What a puff piece. He’s arguing “something special” while resigning himself to not seeing the game. At all. To pick out just a few things:
“I’ve only missed two or three home games over the last three years”
Translation: I sort of sometimes follow Columbia football, especially when they win, go team, but every now and then I’ve been known to miss a game. Mostly when it’s cold or rainy.
“But I am also not the type of guy who would pass up a trip to Vegas.”
Translation: I’m going to Vegas for free. Look at me!
“I won’t bore you with the details of yet another Grey Goose- & Red Bull-fueled romp through the clubs and craps tables of the most physically and morally destructive city in the world. I won’t recount the story of birthday boy Dave getting kidnapped by a stripper. And I promise I won’t talk about the teaser I hit on Sunday morning, the parlay I didn’t hit on Sunday night, or how insane I was to take the over in the Jags-Steelers game on Monday night.”
Translation: My weekend was so much better than your weekend, but since I have a column to fill, I’ll spare you the details.
“However, I will tell you about an entirely new sensation I discovered on Saturday afternoon: being the only person on a flight into Las Vegas who was even mildly upset about going to Vegas.”
Translation: ::looks through diary, puts notes in column::
“I had the always-good fortune to fly JetBlue aka The Greatest Airline to Fly if it’s a Big Sports DayTM.”
Translation: JetBlue promised me $10 to mention their name in Spec.
“I didn’t realize, nor anticipate, that ESPN would be flashing college scores on the ticker all day long.”
Translation: I have never watched ESPN before. What a network!
“Columbia 7, Fordham 7.”
Translation: One day I will work for KCR doing live play-by-play. One day.
“Columbia 23, Fordham 7.”
Translation: Pour me another.
“The ticker started showing detailed recaps of the top 25 games at that point, instead of giving me my barely adequate once-every-20-minutes score update. So I switched to the Michigan game, watched that for a while, then switched back to ESPN, fingers crossed.”
Translation: Isn’t it awesome that JetBlue provides live television?
“Columbia 37, Fordham 7. Final.”
Translation: Screw KCR. A job at ESPN awaits.
“It didn’t really settle in. I wondered if there was a typo. But it couldn’t be. I was sitting next to an elderly Indian couple, to whom I had said precisely three words the entire flight. So I turned to my right.”
Translation: Earlier in the flight, I declared my superfandom to an elderly Indian couple by saying nothing more than “Roar, Lion, Roar!”
“Columbia won. My team won. By thirty points.”
“Excuse me?”
“My team won.”
“Which team?”
“Columbia.”
“That’s nice.”
Translation: I convinced the elderly Indian couple that I own a team called Columbia, but they appeared indifferent.
“The second we landed, I decided to be That Guy and whipped out my phone, calling my friends on the team, laughing as they told me the details of the complete domination, pumping my fist as I heard of the absolute hurting the Lions put on those hapless safety-schoolers to the north.”
Translation: I go to Columbia, the greatest school in the world. Allow me to insert my superiority to Fordham. I also have friends on the football team. I know the QB. Boo-yeah.
“And I missed every single play.”
Translation: Allow me again to remind you that I spent my weekend in Las Vegas.
“37-7 (as we should all refer to it from here on out) is certainly the biggest win during my 3.1 seasons here, and it’ll probably stay that way.”
Translation: At the Georgetown game, look for me hawking “37-7” t-shirts for only $25. Never again with such a feat be duplicated.
“However, this year we’ve got a scheduling fluke-six home games instead of the traditional five, including three more to open the season.”
Translation: Oops! I forgot to mention that the Ivy League agreed on adding an addition non-league game this season. What journalism!
“Seniors, that’s five more home games to get out there and support a team that (not to get ahead of myself, but I always do) looks like it might have something special happening. Five more games to take advantage of those four free beers; five more games to be undergraduates with nothing to worry about, and just cheer on our boys like we’re at a state school. I just have one favor to ask of that team.”
Translation: We just beat arguably the whipping boy of 1-AA football. We’re on our way to an undefeated season. The Ivy League trophy is ours. Roar, Lion, Roar. Support the team not the policy! Support the team not the policy! Seniors rule! Beer rules! We all rule! Stand, Columbia! Fight!
“Do it again this weekend?”
Translation: This weekend, I’m going back to Vegas. On Saturday afternoon, I’ll be returning via JetBlue – the greatest airline in the world. My eyes will be glued to the ticker (who knew ESPN had a ticker? Hahaha!) so I can keep up on the Columbia-Georgetown score. Georgetown’s a fantastic school. Incredible competition. Next week, I’ll write about how I missed it all and demand everyone come to Homecoming because, of course, something special is happening. Something special indeed.
@jesus dude, you’re scary. normal people don’t do what you just did.
@nope? guess not. that’s weird, I could have sworn it did.
@experiment two I think the back button does it also, actually. That might be what this is from.
@Zach vS The back button will do it, if you’re on the page *after* the page where you posted a comment.
We’re working on preventing this from happening. In the meantime, please use the “LINK” link above the first time you reload after posting a comment. If you do so, no refreshes after that will result in duplicate postings.
Thanks!
@DHI Yeah it is. Alright that is what POSTDATA means.
@experiment this is not intentional you sumbitch. I think it is refresh that does it, since I never close these tabs.
@experiment this is not intentional you sumbitch. I think it is refresh that does it, since I never close these tabs.
@John Now I feel like DHI is doing that on purpose this time. And I kind of liked Jake’s column, artistic and real merits aside; it was an unusual take on the game.
@DHI “Ahmadinejad is a meanie, we poop on him”
The Tehran Steamer?
@the fuck? What is with this time-delay double posting?
@DHI “Ahmadinejad is a meanie, we poop on him”
The Tehran Steamer?
@DHI “Ahmadinejad is a meanie, we poop on him”
The Tehran Steamer?
@haha Very funny, David Hart Iscoe.
@i gotta get jake’s back … i think he produces pretty solid sports columns. it’s not Verily Veritas, but who would want it to be?
@Olson reader He seems sort of melancholic compared to last year… still can’t write to save his life.
@the first link …is actually a link to an article from the Yale Herald about their financial aid situation. It’s one I enjoyed reading though — even if it is from Yale.
@how the hell... was Jake Olson allowed to write a column? That was terrible. I felt like I was reading someone’s middle school what I did over the weekend journal entry…