Football Recap

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Bwog sports correspondent CML reports from today’s win against
The Gaels of Iona:

Following their disconcerting defeat at the hands of Ivy League rival Princeton last week, the Lions were faced with the juicy prospect of regaining some of their mojo against the third and last of their nonconference opponents.  In retrospect, it seems that they could not have picked a better team for this purpose.

The Gaels of Iona – a smallish Catholic university located some twenty miles upstate, in New Rochelle – were somewhat of an enigma, having never faced Columbia, at least in recent history.  Their offense quickly established an identity by proving itself to be quite futile at moving the football up the field, gaining a total of minus 13 yards in their first two possessions.  Iona finally managed a smattering of first downs throughout the remainder of the first half, but all but the last of these abortive bids for the end zone culminated in punts.  For its part, the Columbia offense – the most pressing weakness in the team, after it managed only five first downs against Princeton – was characteristically sporadic, managing a touchdown at the beginning of the second quarter, and a field goal as the first half expired.


The second half contained similar action to the first, with two slight modifications to the plot.  On one front, the Iona offense took their incompetence to the next level, not only failing to score points for their own side, but also more or less donating two touchdowns to the Lions.  Columbia’s defense recovered a fumble in the Iona end zone, and minutes later created an impressive return of an interception to increase the lead to 24.  More distressingly, however, the Lions’ offense found itself unable to orchestrate a successful drive, even against the mediocre Iona defense.  In the end, their performance was superfluous to the overall outcome of the game: at the beginning of the fourth quarter, Iona attempted a fake punt, but after this subterfuge failed, they might as well have capitulated then and there.  For the rest of the game, both teams moved the ball up and down the field in small increments; finally the clock ran out, for a final score of 24-0.  Though the Lions may have scored ∞ as many points as the Gaels, their offense – which, after all, did manage only ten points, all of them in the first half – remains a constant concern of fans, players, and coaches as the team returns to Ivy League play next week at New Haven.


  1. correspondent  

    not with an a.

  2. stickler

    still, much better, less alliteration this week. good job chris.

  3. Hey CML  

    Next week's game is at Penn, not Yale.

  4. CML  

    Oh fuck! You're right.

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