Minutemen speak. Fire alarm goes off- possibly in a dorm. Supporters start blaming protesters, complaining about being deprived of free speech.

Man struck by falling plaster at the Apollo Theater. PrezBo pops out of the wall to say, “Sorry, just making out preliminary structural changes before we turn this into a laboratory.”

Gather round, children, at the knee of old Papa Lee. Just remember, if you have any complaints, assume Lisa Anderson did it.

School spirit twitches and seems lively, but we all know those are just the spasms of rigor mortis.

In Opinion:

Diversity at Barnard = lacking.

North Korea = complicated.

Political rhetoric = charged.

Abercrombie and Fitch = WASPy.