Nov

13

DisTasti D-Lite: Day 1

Written by

Pushing the limits of human endurance, intrepid Bwog correspondents Emily Cheesman and Juli Weiner have embarked on a three day Tasti D. diet. The rules: liquids only (water, juice, coffee) besides Tasti, at least two Tasti “meals” per day, and all food must be consumed in the Tasti Lounge. Their first report follows.


tasti12:42 pm:
We are the only people in here eating Tasti except for one girl with a small cup who is eating it like she’s embarrassed. Everyone else is having “lunch.”

A gaggle of girls walks in. One pronounces loudly “I LOVE Tasti!” in a sing-song voice; her friends find this hilarious. They then debate, at great volume and great length, what flavors to enjoy and end up sampling all four. They talk loudly about how they have to be somewhere in TWO MINUTES (“Shut up, Jessica, I know!”) and proceed to demand the caloric content of a small Tasti. We decide that these girls typify the Tasti-going-female.

Emily: We are now sitting in Tasti where we will begin our Tasti Odyssey.  Our Tast-D-ssey?

Suddenly, we are accosted by a couch-sitter and fellow Tasti-consumer…

Girl: (eagerly) Wait, are you guys writing for the Varsity Show?

Emily: Um, no.  For the Bwog?

Girl: Oh, sorry.  I just overheard.  What are you writing about?

Juli: We’re eating nothing but Tasti and liquids for three days and writing about it for Bwog.

Girl: Does Bwog know about this?

Juli: Uh, yeah.

Girl: Oh, are you guys freshmen?

Emily: Yeah.

Girl: Oh my god, that’s so bad for you.  That’s like seriously so bad for you.  Just thinking about it makes me sick.

Emily: Yeah.

Girl: How are you doing that?  It’s just sugar and milk.

Emily: Yeah, we know.

Girl: Do you know what’s in it?  That’s so bad.

Juli: Yeah, we know, it’s like sugar and…

Girl: I mean, it’s not even Splenda.  It’s real sugar.  And lactose enzymes.

Juli: Right, I mean…

Girl: Oh my god, you’re going to have to eat so much Tasti!  Okay, good luck!  Bye!

Emily: I’m already having trouble concentrating.  I’m like…(stares off into space).

Juli: I know.  And yesterday we had FroYo.  That was stupid.

Emily: Okay, so let’s talk about our Tasti.  I had peanut butter fudge and French vanilla and it was not good.  It was like, really… it just wasn’t good.  You couldn’t tell what was what.  And after awhile they melted together and turned purple because of the sprinkles and then I was just uncomfortable.

Juli: My Tasti left a metallic aftertaste in my mouth…

Emily: It did?!

Emily: I think the reason we’re having so many problems with the Tasti is because we just realized we’re going to be eating it for three days…

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45 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    Brilliant. I'm so tickled.

  2. wait, question  

    y'all are allowed toppings?

    that doesn't seem right. oreos are gonna pull ya through

  3. Tasti Chick Groupie

    1st semester is so awesome. Go freshmen Tasti chicks!

  4. wow

    That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Wow, way to encourage anorexia… What, exactly, is interesting about this?

  5. ashley & ellen  

    we dont get this. whats the point? what conclusions are we going to reach?

  6. hmm  

    for whatever reason, i would be a lot more amused by this project if it was undertaken by boys.

  7. oh no  

    two days of tasti delight. somebody alert the red cross.

  8. DHI  

    Foods in which one of the words is misspelled are often bad. The trick with this one is that you might expect them to misspell "delight" but instead they go for "tasty".

    On the other hand, it is hilarious/hatred-of-humanity-inspiring that someone says "it's real sugar" as if it is the most horrible thing imaginable, but amusing that the same person is scared of "lactose enzymes"

    • ummm  

      it's Tasti D-Lite. Both words are misspelled. Horribly. I would rather drink bleach. And in fact, I do.

      • DHI  

        It looks like you are right, I was thrown off by the fact that Bwog spells it Tasti-Delight every week in their personals (bweditors take note)

        Naked Juice is not like a meal. It is very much like juice, which is something you have on the side of meals, or by istelf, or as part of a snack. A child much smaller than yourself would call you a poopyhead for trying to give him Naked Juice for a meal, and you are larger than this child, so why do you not eat more food?

        • Discoe sucks  

          Dude, a protein Naked juice has 86% of your recommended daily value of protein in it. Have one of those and then a Tropical-C and you're good to go. That's at least two meals right there. Also, a child would call you a poopyhead, but mainly because your head looks like poop.

  9. I like it

    it's à la Supersize Me.

  10. misscaro

    this is great! so funny and postmodern! what could possibly go wrong?

  11. chitown

    you girls are probably beautiful too and you do this to yourselves
    please seek a trusted friend for help
    this isn't funny

  12. greenspan

    Gawd! This is sooooo 1996! High school girls were living on Tasti back before blogs were invented.

  13. 3 days of Tasti

    It's not anorexic, it's not disgusting, it's college. That's it! How many college students have lived off alcohol, coffee and/or cigarettes for a period of time similar to what these two girls are doing with Tasti Delight?

  14. Anonymous  

    Dude, just reading about it is making me sick.

    But I'm interested as to how things will turn out. I would probably give up after the first day.

    I smell a CTV reality show coming on...

  15. Bulimia  

    twice the taste, no calories!

  16. mr bbb  

    you bwog censors are fast! i'm impressed!

  17. are you serious  

    how is this disgusting. fuck you all. i'm going to have a quarter pounder, a coke and then smoke afterwards

    enjoy your asparagus salads

  18. are they allowed  

    to drink naked juice, because that shit's like a meal right there?

  19. forget naked  

    If they found a jamba juice the entire experiment would go to waste.

  20. Only Jamba

    for an entire semester! There's a good challenge.

  21. ahem

    Thinly-veiled borderline eating disorder shit like this is why I'm glad that I'm graduating from college soon. Good luck with yr gross three days.

  22. annnd...  

    they've been mentioned on gawker. congratulations on your 15 minutes, girls. here's hoping you don't actually have eating disorders!

  23. Anonymous

    i don't understand why people are offended, this is amazing, perhaps the most amazing experiment ever. they most likely grew up in the suburbs and are finally able to express their boredom, and it just happens to be in one of the boggest cities in the world.

    good luck girls!

  24. Seriously

    People eating only garbage for two days isn't any kind of statement, pro- or con-, about eating disorders. Please stop trying to be offended.

  25. DHI  

    I think you don't understand what a "meal" is. It is not "anything with nutritional value". If this was the case an actual meal would contain many "meals". How many meals would it be if you had a cheesesteak, a salad, an apple, some chips, a Snickers bar, and those two Naked Juices to drink? 5? 7? 42? No, it would still be one meal.

    A meal is more than a simple protein count. But even from a nutritional perspective, you need something more than just protein (which is only from, like, that one Naked Juice anyway ) and sugar. Specifically, I believe, fat and complex carbs, and just more total calories than three Naked Juices would give you. But I'm not talking nutritionally, just saying it ain't right for people to not eat meals. What's a substitute for bread and beans, as Johnny Cash would say? Certainly not something with "zone" in the name. Hell, even that crazy Slimfast diet asks for "a sensible dinner".

    Also, identify yourself, coward. I may be a shithead, and a dumbass, and a coward, but I am less a coward than you are a coward.

  26. i, personally,  

    hope they die, not because i think it would make a great statement on the dangers of eating disorders but because i think it would be an unexpected, hilarious outcome. keep up the good work!

  27. Anonymous  

    It takes the liquids off the laptop. It takes the liquids off the laptop. It TAKES THE LIQUIDS OFF THE LAPTOP! Laptop confistated and never returned.

  28. betty

    i don't understand why you people think this is eating disorder related. seriously, i think you are taking the "diet" part too seriously. it's weird, it's funny, i'm pretty sure they aren't aiming to lose weight so much as joke about college life.

    lighten up, kids!

  29. Bill Cameron

    I am deeply amused by the passion displayed in the responses to this experiment.

  30. yeah  

    i'm sure this "encourages" anorexia, because when two girls do a thing, all other girls will do the same thing, right? cuz they're, ya know, dumb. yeah.
    also, girls aren't allowed to try to be funny. stop it, you two.

  31. Ron

    Sometimes girls are funny

  32. no  

    the point is, this is stupid because there is no point! honestly, unlike supersize me, which was to prove the adverse affects on your body fast food has, this really has no point. what is it going to do? make these girls loose a few pounds? it's really ridiculous because they are trying to be all 'nickel and dimed' while at the same time doing some sort of social analysis; if they wanted to prove something about tasti culture, they wouldnt limit themselves to eating only it twice a day. they would eat special k for breakfast, buy some lame ass 212 salad for lunch, binge on some pasta and meatballs from ferris for dinner and stroll into tasti approx. 8-10 pm like the real tasti girl does

  33. no thank you

    this is stupid.

  34. I don't think

    the girls are going to make it...

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