DisTasti D-Lite: Day 1
Written by Bwog Staff
Pushing the limits of human endurance, intrepid Bwog correspondents Emily Cheesman and Juli Weiner have embarked on a three day Tasti D. diet. The rules: liquids only (water, juice, coffee) besides Tasti, at least two Tasti “meals” per day, and all food must be consumed in the Tasti Lounge. Their first report follows.
12:42 pm: We are the only people in here eating Tasti except for one girl with a small cup who is eating it like she’s embarrassed. Everyone else is having “lunch.”
A gaggle of girls walks in. One pronounces loudly “I LOVE Tasti!” in a sing-song voice; her friends find this hilarious. They then debate, at great volume and great length, what flavors to enjoy and end up sampling all four. They talk loudly about how they have to be somewhere in TWO MINUTES (“Shut up, Jessica, I know!”) and proceed to demand the caloric content of a small Tasti. We decide that these girls typify the Tasti-going-female.
Emily: We are now sitting in Tasti where we will begin our Tasti Odyssey. Our Tast-D-ssey?
Suddenly, we are accosted by a couch-sitter and fellow Tasti-consumer…
Girl: (eagerly) Wait, are you guys writing for the Varsity Show?
Emily: Um, no. For the Bwog?
Girl: Oh, sorry. I just overheard. What are you writing about?
Juli: We’re eating nothing but Tasti and liquids for three days and writing about it for Bwog.
Girl: Does Bwog know about this?
Juli: Uh, yeah.
Girl: Oh, are you guys freshmen?
Girl: Oh my god, that’s so bad for you. That’s like seriously so bad for you. Just thinking about it makes me sick.
Girl: How are you doing that? It’s just sugar and milk.
Emily: Yeah, we know.
Girl: Do you know what’s in it? That’s so bad.
Juli: Yeah, we know, it’s like sugar and…
Girl: I mean, it’s not even Splenda. It’s real sugar. And lactose enzymes.
Juli: Right, I mean…
Girl: Oh my god, you’re going to have to eat so much Tasti! Okay, good luck! Bye!
Emily: I’m already having trouble concentrating. I’m like…(stares off into space).
Juli: I know. And yesterday we had FroYo. That was stupid.
Emily: Okay, so let’s talk about our Tasti. I had peanut butter fudge and French vanilla and it was not good. It was like, really… it just wasn’t good. You couldn’t tell what was what. And after awhile they melted together and turned purple because of the sprinkles and then I was just uncomfortable.
Juli: My Tasti left a metallic aftertaste in my mouth…
Emily: It did?!
Emily: I think the reason we’re having so many problems with the Tasti is because we just realized we’re going to be eating it for three days…