DisTasti D-Lite: Day 2
Written by Bwog Staff
Pushing the limits of human endurance, intrepid Bwog correspondents Emily Cheesman and Juli Weiner have embarked on a three day Tasti D. diet. The rules: liquids only (water, juice, coffee) besides Tasti, at least two Tasti “meals” per day, and all food must be consumed in the Tasti Lounge. Their second report follows.
We hate you, but more importantly we hate ourselves.
We are bitter and hungry girls. Juli submits that she would rather be Tom Hanks in Castaway because then at least she could eat Wilson. Emily has decided she would rather starve than eat more Tasti. Last night, in a moment of 10PM revelation, we thought we could pass the day-one hurdle via toppings; we found that this was not a good idea. The toppings are alarmingly unappealing: the peanuts akin to cardboard and depression; the Reeses like little brown cups of anti-flavor.
Through our difficulty concentrating and rapidly declining cognitive function, we have uncovered a perplexing question regarding Tasti D-Lite: why would any sane person voluntarily eat it? By now we have sampled six flavors, all of which are suspiciously similar (excluding cinnamon, which Emily finds plain revolting but Juli thinks is better than having no taste at all); between the two of us, we’ve spent close to $35 (bright side: thinking about all the money we’ll NOT be spending on New York’s #1 Frozen Treat over the next four years). So why, then, do so many flock to this “dessert oasis”?
Eating only Tasti makes you think of all the good food you want to eat, like fruit, or well, really, any food other than Tasti D-Lite. Fruit, for example, is good for you. It doesn’t make your forehead feel tingly or your eyes twitch when consumed in large volumes. It’s an antioxidant, or something. It’s like vitamins, with flavor, and natural coloring. Tasti is not even like other food that you know is bad for you but eat anyway, like McDonalds. Some people can argue convincingly that McDonalds actually tastes good.
We have yet to determine the elusive answer to this question, but as long as we can avoid total organ-system failure, we’ll have some light to shed with our last installment.