Nov

14

DisTasti D-Lite: Day 2

Written by

Pushing the limits of human endurance, intrepid Bwog correspondents Emily Cheesman and Juli Weiner have embarked on a three day Tasti D. diet. The rules: liquids only (water, juice, coffee) besides Tasti, at least two Tasti “meals” per day, and all food must be consumed in the Tasti Lounge. Their second report follows.

tasti

Dear Tasti,

We hate you, but more importantly we hate ourselves. 

We are bitter and hungry girls. Juli submits that she would rather be Tom Hanks in Castaway because then at least she could eat Wilson. Emily has decided she would rather starve than eat more Tasti. Last night, in a moment of 10PM revelation, we thought we could pass the day-one hurdle via toppings; we found that this was not a good idea. The toppings are alarmingly unappealing: the peanuts akin to cardboard and depression; the Reeses like little brown cups of anti-flavor.

Through our difficulty concentrating and rapidly declining cognitive function, we have uncovered a perplexing question regarding Tasti D-Lite: why would any sane person voluntarily eat it? By now we have sampled six flavors, all of which are suspiciously similar (excluding cinnamon, which Emily finds plain revolting but Juli thinks is better than having no taste at all); between the two of us, we’ve spent close to $35 (bright side: thinking about all the money we’ll NOT be spending on New York’s #1 Frozen Treat over the next four years). So why, then, do so many flock to this “dessert oasis”?

Eating only Tasti makes you think of all the good food you want to eat, like fruit, or well, really, any food other than Tasti D-Lite. Fruit, for example, is good for you. It doesn’t make your forehead feel tingly or your eyes twitch when consumed in large volumes. It’s an antioxidant, or something. It’s like vitamins, with flavor, and natural coloring. Tasti is not even like other food that you know is bad for you but eat anyway, like McDonalds. Some people can argue convincingly that McDonalds actually tastes good.

We have yet to determine the elusive answer to this question, but as long as we can avoid total organ-system failure, we’ll have some light to shed with our last installment.

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37 Comments

  1. this  

    is a lot less funny today than it was yesterday, and that's saying something.

  2. bwog  

    has hit rock bottom. Time to generate some good ideas or pack it in.

  3. Hmmm  

    Wait...they did prove something. Sugar and milk consumed in high quantities WILL shut down the portion of your brain responsible for being witty and entertaining.

    By the way, this "describe the color" bull is killer for colorblind people. Thanks Bwog.

  4. it would be nice  

    if the girls had > 0 knowledge about anything nutrition and science related. Eating bad quality diet food makes you feel like shit. Big fucking news! I could've told you that without subjecting myself to inhumane torture. Do people who constantly eat this crap realize that sugar is ultimately converted to the same fat that's already lining their humongous asses, which they nevertheless continue to stuff into entirely too tight pants (and consequently nauseating me at the sight of their muffin-tops)?
    If you guys want a reality article, why don't you see how little sleep someone can survive on, and for what period of time?

  5. toilet talk  

    i once heard that if you only eat superman ice cream your poop turns purple.

    i'm curious/excited so read tomorrow's installment.

  6. yooo  

    if you don't like what you see, turn off the internet.

  7. To all the critics

    who have a problem with this: be quiet! It's not a big deal! They're not going to die. People go on worse diets all the time. Some fast for longer periods of time. Some people drink only coffee and diet coke for a week while they're writing a paper.

  8. Holy crap

    Tasti-D must be beyond gross

  9. keb  

    Am I the only one who think Tasti-D is delicious when eaten every so often?

  10. this is  

    definitely fed quality. i kind of like the concept though.

  11. tasti-d  

    i am so delicious.

  12. The Dink  

    Bravo to the Bwog for doing this, because at least it made these girls realize how weird and disgusting tasti-d is. Perhaps it will start a great wave of people not eating the fake, unflavored, and simply odd "food item" that is tasti-d. fuck tasti-d! please, world, stop eating it! tasti-d is all that is wrong with america!!

  13. well  

    at least they're discouraging anorexia? kinda? maybe?

  14. #6 is a  

    jerk. actually, you're also many more things that bwog might censor.

    even if your post was purposely hyperbolic, it's just awful, awful, awful. i'm sure you're a mcdreamy in the making? washboard abs? butt you can bounce a quarter off of?

    grow up.

    (p.s. if you really knew anything about science, nutrition, and weight gain, you'd know it's the CALORIC value-- not anything having to do with sugar or fat-- that's responsible for tasti's appeal)

    • well

      i haven't taken chemistry since high school, but even now as a senior, i'm pretty sure calories are dervied from carbohydrates (like sugar) as well as fat. (along with alcohol and protein)

      • true  

        that is how calories are derived. but essentially that doesn't matter for the argument. #20 should have correlated the sugar to the calories and refuted #6's original claim that the sugars in tasti will account for a girl's "muffin tops." i don't know the ingredients of the frozen treat, but if it's as low calorie as they say, it must also be low in sugar.

        so either way you say it, #6 is wrong. and, i agree, pretty mean.

    • odd metaphor police  

      can't you bounce a quarter off of pretty much anyone's butt?

  15. Anonymous  

    I'm kind of mad that Tasti-D replaced a Taco Bell near 96th and Broadway.

  16. confused  

    I don't understand where you guys got this idea to eat only Tasti.

  17. awesome  

    i really enjoyed this--thanks, bwog!

    (can i just point out that bwog comments are a good barometer for overall student mood? right now, that mood is "unhappy"...)

  18. wait  

    so the fact that you don't like article and the writer is dating a BW staffer does NOT make it okay for you to say that the writer is "mad easy" or imply that she's a slut?

    whoa. y'all pc round here. next thing i know, someone will point out that the entire frame that bad articles by women are only published because of their sexual availability is sexist, idiotic, and immature.

    besides, is Tracy even a bwog editor? i thought he worked on the print mag.

    • isn't it sad that  

      bwog has become a forum for columbians to single out their fellow students - by name! where is the decency, people - and bash them. what's even more distrubing is that bwog most likely gets funding from columbia, so in a way columbia's funding the bashing of its own students. sick.

  19. Hmmm  

    All comments about Tracy dating Juli Weiner are being censored.

  20. good!  

    the ones posted before were disturbingly sexist.

  21. #6 is baKK  

    What happened? Nothing to say now? Yeah, didn't think so.

  22. I think it would be  

    way funnier if Emily went on and all cheese diet. And Juli, well...i'll let you guys figure that one out.

  23. Lydia DePillis  

    FYI

    While The Blue and White is an ABC-sponsored publication, Bwog is completely financially independent.

    Lydia

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