DisTasti D-Lite: The Final Day

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Intrepid Bwog correspondents Juli Weiner and Emily Cheesman have come to the end of their three day foray into Tasti purgatory! Here is their final report.

tastiWords lose their meaning in the face of the totally unique combination of hunger and irritability brought on by three days of Tasti D (how very hateful that slang sounds, once so cute before this ordeal!). How to describe the blandness, the depression, the debilitating headaches? Words just won’t do–we’re going to give you numbers instead. The only question that remains is what we swallowed more of: bad frozen yogurt, or our own pride.

2000 = number of recommended calories per day for college-aged female

14 = number of calories per fluid ounce of Tasti D-Lite

7 = total number of Tasti D-Lites consumed by each writer during three day period

300 = estimated Tasti D-Lite calories consumed by both writers over three day period (according to Tasti D-Lite)

6,832 = estimated Tasti D-Lite calories consumed by both writers over three day period (according to The New York Times)

8 = trips to Tasti D-Lite

0 = number of times Tasti D-Lite employees smiled during three day period

1 = number of trips we left without eating Tasti D-Lite and opted for cigarettes

70 = approximate dollars spent on Tasti D-Lite

4 = combined classes missed due to exhaustion, nausea

1 = number of subpeonas issued to the chain by the Department of Consumer Affairs

1 = the number of continuing ongoing investigations

63 = relevant Google search results for “tasti d-lite false advertising” 

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  1. I'm glad my  

    link made it through the ignorance. I'm the "asshole", btw. Next episode: Emily attempts to survive 3 days on a diet of only cheese. Julie attempts the same with..something else!

  2. Question:  

    why does Tasti D-Lite consider "low fiber" a benefit of its product? Does the difficulty of passing food through your intestines make the job easier for bulimics?

  3. umm  

    i have to be honest, i really enjoyed this feature

  4. furthermore  

    In an attempt to sound witty the writer (writers?) of this piece have turned it into an convulted, incomprehensible piece of junk (Not so much this one as the other posts).

    I would have appreciated this more if the writer (writers?) hadn't tried so goddamn hard.

  5. man

    i thought this feature was funny & well-done. the bwog comments are so weird. they're like a conscious group effort to make unpaid young writers commit suicide.

  6. Yeah  

    It was one of my recent favs, and I can't believe tasti lies about the calories!

  7. at least be fair  

    the times posted at least one follow up to the original false advertising article (which i have located but cannot post because i'm not a times select subscriber) that led to the re-evaluation of calorie counts for both cremalita and tasti d-lite. this article eventually put cremalita out of business, whereas tasti chose to recount the calories for different flavors (hence the absense of the former blanket claim of "10 calories per ounce.")

    right now, tasti can't really be accused of false advertising. it's the servers that affect the overall caloric value of the cup, as any moderately intelligent customer would know.

  8. Cam  

    This just all seemed very pointless, and depressing. A pair of girls deliberately hurt their own bodes, for three days, for no reason. They report: It was a bad idea, and we miss our dignity.

  9. Fan

    This needs to be a series. Next: two intrepid guys consume only Koronet's and root beer for a week.

  10. cocaine

    is kind of getting the cold shoulder in all this.

  11. jeez  

    no matter where you go, the internet is filled with salty comments section haters. i thought the articles were pretty funny. at least the haters here are classy enough to avoid ignorant ad hominem attacks, for the most part. but still, why do you people take time to put them down? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? I am really mystified by the whole phenomenon, especially the salty comments section copy editors.

    • i'm  

      not sure what you were expecting..its great that some people actually found these posts interesting or for that manner any particular bwog/internet site post---but by the same token people who feel its crap will express so too

      deal with it or get a better shrink

  12. DHI  

    A) It's a good thing they misreport the calories, because living on an actual 300 calories for 3 days would be far worse than eating too much sugar and fat.
    B) "1 = number of trips we left without eating Tasti D-Lite and opted for cigarettes" is funny if you imagine it as them actually eating cigarettes because they were so hungry and didn't want to eat "Tasti-D"
    C) This was pretty funny.

  13. orrrr  

    block anonymous comments.


    • [email protected]  

      tried that and they just stopped getting comments. unless you want a million comments from tao, dhi, stephen, julia and the occasional conspicuously anonymous romantic overture from avi

  14. grad

    I think the concept for this series is loosely based on a story that launched the Spec career of Chris Beam, everyone's favorite IvyGate editor, where he went for a week eating only free food at campus events. But being Chris he rocked the story.

  15. jimmy  

    this could have been interesting if it had been reported differently. what do you mean that the toppings are all terrible? they have reese's pieces and oreos. they have NUTS. you shouldn't have been allowed toppings anyway.
    you should have reported if you lost weight. and you should have included the reactions of others, because i always hear people at tasti declaring how they could live off of it.

    and if either of you were funny, that would have helped.

  16. This

    article isn't complete. What do you mean, words won't do? You're writing an article!!! I want to know the excruciating details of how bad it felt towards the end.

  17. Anonymous

    0 = number of times Tasti D-Lite employees smiled during three day period

    Try giving them some tips maybe? I am a Tasti D employee and there isn't one time that I didn't smile to the customer or thanked him/her for giving us a tip. Think about it..

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