Nov

29

Shiny lights, and stars!

Written by

The Rockefeller Center tree lighting, from Bryan Mochizuki to your computer.


rockfeller center7:58 PM:
Two minutes ’til showtime.  Apparently New York markets were treated to an extra hour prior to the national broadcast.  Taylor Hicks fans, start kicking yourself now – he just performed his first song.  Two preshow thoughts:

Will anyone sing a holiday protest song?  Sarah McLachlan covered Lennon’s “Happy X-Mas (War Is Over)” on her new Christmas album and she’s due to perform tonight.  There’s a few other wild-cards on the set-list – Sting, Legend – who could turn something out.  I don’t think NBC has the balls to let “Happy X-Mas” hit the air, but we’ll see.  I’m guessing they’ll go the more traditional route – “Silent Night” with some vague political banter before.  Wimps.

Also, who will sing “Santa Baby”? Aguilera was born to do it, but Bette Midler was too (and a good 30 years before).  Either way, it’s gotta happen.

8:05 PM: Surprise!  30 Rock intro!  Who woulda thought…  Tracy Morgan’s in

it, reprising his role from the last episode…prior to this they announced that some portions were pre-recorded.  Considering the state of affairs in the Morgan, um, liver, this was probably one of them…

8:06 PM: America’s greatest karaoke singer is doing “White Christmas.”  Uh oh. He’s jazzing it up now.  I’m not a huge fan  of Hicks, but I do like the fact that the American Idol winner is finally someone who looks like they actually hang out in karaoke bars.  He seems the sort to make twice the required amount of cupcakes for the office potluck.  Every time.


bette8:13 PM:
Bette just took the stage dressed like…something.  A swan?  I don’t know and don’t care.  She might have just dropped some innuendo about “peppermint stick.”  I love her.  Bette Midler is so clutch.  She’s a true entertainer.  They don’t make them like Bette Midler anymore.

On a sidenote, I know this is futile, whenever I see Bette Midler, I hope that the hot witch from Hocus Pocus will show up.  She didn’t this time.

8:14 PM: First commercial break.  Does anyone know if they’ve done a holiday version of the “Our Country” commercial yet?  Like with, I don’t know, a Matt Dillon-y guy delivering presents, in the snow, in a Chevy, to underprivileged minority children?  After the Katrina commercial, wouldn’t this be disappointingly tame?

8:16 PM: Lionel Richie does “Joy To The World.”  I can’t get over the fact that he sold 100 million records.  Not because he doesn’t have an audience for it, but, I mean, 100 million?  I don’t think any r+b artist of our time will ever do that.  Usher? Nope.  Legend? Nope. That’s bad times too.  Can you imagine being Legend and running into Richie’s goofy ass backstage and realize that you will never sell more records than him?

8:20 PM: Ann Curry’s got a bad cough.  Ladies and Gentlemen: Live TV.


sting8:22 PM:
Sting’s performing in a mock manger.  This was pre-recorded too, a few weeks ago.  Great “WTF?!?” moment that must have been for New Yorkers. Mid-November and Sting’s chilling in a manger, chanting.

8:24 PM: Another commercial break.  I haven’t seen the CGI Coca Cola polar bears yet this year.  They need to come back in a big way after all this Happy Feet shit.

8:26 PM: Apparently the hot witch was Sarah Jessica Parker.  Gosh, her career’s tanked…

8:30 PM: Enya’s on now.  She’s singing in English.  Not Loxian (aka the made-up language that she wrote her last album in – check Wikipedia).  Any kids in the crowd are power-napping right now.

8:32 PM: Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey just showed up – for the second time.   They’ll be back a third time to light the tree. Heroes, where you at?

8:37 PM: Martina McBride just did the first J.C. name-drop of the night.  And then she did it again x20.

8:44 PM: Legend’s doing “O’ Holy Nite”.  Ann Curry is gushing.  Everyone’s gushing (including yours truly).  He really is a treat.  Have you heard his new album yet?  It’s better than the first, which is saying a ton.  G.O.O.D. Music is like the Knicks – overrated, underperforming, but still outrageously popular.  If Common’s Marbury (old, played out, but still got some kick) and Kanye is Nate Robinson (annoying, jumpy), then Legend is Jamal Crawford – so dependable and yet so underrated.

8:47 PM: Commercial break.  My buddy’s studying nearby and yells uncontrollably whenever the Zales song plays.  I can’t blame him.  It’s in the double-digits at this point.  His girlfriend isn’t getting diamonds this Hanukkah.

8:49 PM: Billy Bush and his co-host from the new Grease reality show are on now.  Al Roker made fun of Billy Bush.  Millions cheer/are relieved.


sarah8:50 PM:
Sarah McLachlan’s doing it! She’s doing it! No kids choir though.  And no Yoko either.

8:51 PM: Ok, the choir’s here and McLachlan’s hitting real high notes and doing it with ease.  This is officially the highlight of my pre-holiday TV watching.  Well, this and watching Joan Rivers stuff turkeys before the parade.  Anyone else see that?

8:54 PM: Christina Aguilera is here doing her single “Hurt.”  Not a holiday song but they’re making up for it  by having Sasha Cohen do an interpretive routine on the ice rink.  I hope she takes a dive in the good name of thematic consistency.

8:58 PM: Damn, I wanted “Santa Baby.”  Christina’s trying too hard to erase the whole “X-Tina” thing from our collective memory.  What she doesn’t get is that it’s not shocking anymore.  We’re post-Paris/post-panties now.  Christina can do “Santa Baby”.  She can do it in that S+M get-up from the X-Tina videos.  No one will care.

9:00 PM: Mayor Bloomberg dropped by to light the tree.  Billy Bush is still there.  Countdown…10…9…

The lights don’t work! The lights don’t work!

9:01: Just kidding.  This was 10 times more enjoyable than an episode of 30 Rock.  NBC: Who knew?


 

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14 Comments

  1. fan  

    this post is great. true bwogging.

    • not a fan  

      True bwogging? Sorry, but no. Bryan's blatantly ripping off Bill Simmons's style of live-blogging. I thought this campus had seen enough with Jake Olsen trying to be the next Sports Guy... sadly, no.

  2. I love it  

    we're only 70 blocks north of this "national celebration", but bryan liveblogs the tv ceremonies. classic columbia.

  3. rjt  

    Although I have no idea whether or not it is valid (and honestly, no desire ot find out), "Blatantly ripping off Bill Simmons's style of live-blogging" has got to be the weirdest criticism I have seen in the comments section of this site.

  4. not a chas carey  

    True criticism? Sorry, but no. Rob's blatantly ripping off Antonin Scalia's style of live-commentary. I thought this campus had seen enough with Manley Cottingshire trying to be the next Austin Quigley... sadly, no.

    (p.s.: when I try to "describe this color in one lowercase word" by typing "lavender" into the so-called "purple" box, I am denied. Prince would not consider that color purple. Is bwog a fan of Morris Day & The Time?)

    • Paul  

      At least one member of Bwog likes Morris Day, although in the capacity of the lecherous bad guy in Prince's movie (and, to some extent, in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)

      If lavender's good enough for Prince, it's good enough for me...unfortunately I don't write the code around here.

  5. seriously??  

    Why oh why oh why oh why do people insist on commenting on bwog just to point out inadequacies and post other unnecessaryily cruel and biting comments?

    Don't you guys have homework? or finals? or.....lives? I mean, seriously. If you hate the bwog so much, then stop checking it every 5 minutes just to type another 'witty' insult.

    • seriously?? 2.0  

      *post other unnecessary

    • Metacomentator  

      This sort of comment is even worse. It's just as critical, and in criticizing criticism, it invalidates itself. I, for one, want bwog to be as good as it can be, and pointing out the ways in which it is not helps my cause. Criticism is good and ultimately productive; not every negative comment is born of malice.

      The second issue is particularly unpleasant. If someone wants to spend his time posting on bwog, that's a productive use thereof. No one said anyone hates bwog -- in fact, a willigness to think about it would indicate the contrary. I see here no attempt to be witty, but there would be no reason not to be. Everyone has homework, everyone has finals, and I dare say everyone has lives -- I don't know why anyone would care if others seem to be misusing them.

      And for my part, I kinda liked the livebwogging.

  6. hah  

    awesome, hilarious.

  7. dfgdgd  

    how does this guy have time to be so up on pop culture and still be a college student? like, who has time to have an opinion on both bette midler and jamal crawford?great writer too.

  8. this post  

    is hella cute. bwog's first actual writer? i think so.

    also, bwog would be nothing without its snarky commenters.

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