Feb

14

Every Publication Is Full Of Fluff Articles Today, So Cut Us Some Slack

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Today is Valentine’s Day, and time to declare your love, and, if you are a CC Sophomore, your major. Whether you want love, a major, or neither, Bwog can help you by giving you a guide to read and criticize.

Love

For many people, and even some at Columbia, this is a beautiful day for love, and Professor David Keyes has a mathematical way to show it, reports tipster Steven Thomas:

Graph the equation (2x-ax/(x^2+y^2)^0.5) + (2y+a-ay/(x^2+y^2)^.5)dy/dx = 0), and after ten minutes of mathematical foreplay, you will generate the result at right, which can be rotated 90 degrees to make a familiar figure.

Success

Today CC Sophomores received an e-mail saying “Time to declare your major!” to which most of them probably mentally responded “fuck you, no it isn’t!” True, you can declare your major any time until March 1st, but today is the first day to make the first day of the rest of of your college life.  This list, compiled by the National Association of Colleges and employers, tells which majors are the most profitable right off the bat. Choose wisely, and three years from now you can afford a diamond, the substance with the highest RpV (romance per volume) of any in the world.  Unfortunately for CC students, even if they are choosing the hot hot major of Econ, they can still get beat out by their SEAS colleagues. The tables will turn!

Neither

There is no better natural alternative to both work and love than the act of masturbation;    In today’s sexually progressive era, masturbating to say “fuck you” to the world is a technique used by women as well as men, according to sex columnist “Jenny Paradise” of UCSB’s Daily Nexus.  I still think “fuck it, might as well jack off” is a more elegant way to express the same thing.

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12 Comments

  1. That  

    is a sex columnist who writes about sex. Take a tip, bwog sex columnist.

  2. Anonymous

    Your Cardioid has a funky equation, bwog.

  3. Yeah!

    Stratego Piece! Awesome!

  4. mike  

    Actually, this form is more complicated than it needs to be...using polar form, the representation is r=1-sin(theta). That will also be rotated correctly.

  5. haha  

    CC bwoggers who think they know anything about polar geometry.

    - CC wanna-be bwogger.

  6. i remember  

    in high school when i graphed an ejactulating penis. those were the days.

  7. malk

    You know, that cardioid is a helluvalot easier to express with polar equations.

  8. Guys,  

    The point was that people wouldn't already know that it was a cardioid. It was supposed to be a surprise.

    Prof Keyes is the man. I haven't met another professor who loves what s/he does as much as Keyes does.

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