Mar

5

Afternoon Update: Chopping Through the Underbrush Edition

Written by

machete

Blades on campus

After raising the level of machete-related campus chatter to an all-time high last Friday, Spec cruelly crushed our Indiana Jones dreams with a correction today. “According to a statement issued Friday by Columbia’s office of public affairs—the first since the incident—the door was opened by a handyman under police supervision with a crowbar and power drill.”

That’s right, y’all. Crowbar, not machete. Our sympathy to the deceased.

Hosiery heist?

Overheard outside Duane Reade

Middle-aged woman to another middle-aged woman: “Excuse me, if I give you money, would you go in there and buy me a pair of knee-high stockings?”

Good Samaritanism

Bwog’s dear friend Yelena Shuster writes in with a plea for help:

“At three o’clock Sunday morning, I left many important materials in the Schapiro Sky Lounge, which included a purple binder packed with ALL of my class notes for ALL of my classes, midterm notes for CC, my finished homework for next week, and a black (personal) journal. I showed up at four in the afternoon, and there was nothing left.

I spoke to facilities and there is nothing they can do. While digging through trash in Schapiro’s basement (seriously desperate), I came across the guy who cleaned out the Sky Lounge and he said he didn’t see any papers there when he came in around nine A.M., which leaves me to think that for some reason, someone took my stuff between the hours of three and nine A.M. on Sunday.”

Help her out, will you? There are some problems a machete can’t solve.

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4 Comments

  1. what  

    kind of idiot would leave all of that "important" stuff for six hours?

  2. schap resident  

    a lot of people have been leaving their stuff in the sky lounge to (presumably) reserve a seat with riverfront view. seems like they are finally cracking down on such practice.

  3. ...

    good for them. i'm sick of the exam squatters.

  4. Regardless  

    Yelena's great, and I'm sure she's kicking herself over it already.

    Good luck Yelena! I hope something works out!

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